The People's Week 5: Breaking the Streak

by Renal Failure


What a delicious beating...

Dear People's Champion of Fantasy Football Renal Failure,

Please accept our apologize for Demaryius Thomas not scoring for shit in his first games of the season. To make up for this, he will score ALL THE POINTS in Week Five for you. Sorry for the miscommunication.

Signed,
Peyton Manning.

P.S. - Please buy a Papa John's Pizza.

When you get 41 points from your WR, things are usually going swimmingly for you.  And that indeed was the case in Week 5 as Renal Failure scored a ultra-sweet 129-71 victory over Predator Press. Why "ultra-sweet?"  Because Renal Failure hadn't beaten Predator Press since the 2010 Humor Bowl.  Three full years of losses to Predator Press - regular season and playoffs.  No more of that noise.  REGULATORS, MOUNT UP!!!


We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese... and Marshawn Lynch crushing people to be the 2nd highest scoring RB in the league...

There were other bright spots for the People  other than Demaryius Thomas's 41-point Bear Leaving the Solar System.  Beast Mode went for 17 points. Jeremy Maclin continues catching TD's (13pts), and the San Diego D blanked the Jets for a 16-point day. Cody Parkey told LOBO's Mason Crosby to know his role and shut his mouth with a 10-point day (he's the #2 scoring kicker in the HBFFL).  Drew Brees managed 25 points, as did Jay Cutler, so that makes us feel a little better about Brees being on a bye in Week Six.

Cody Parkey drinks your milkshake, LOBO

Unfortunately there were underachievers in the lineup. Alfred Morris and Bishop Sankey only managed 2pts a piece, which greatly disappointed us because we thought this was finally Sankey's time to shine in the Titan's backfield.  Morris was running against the Seahawks so we're more charitable with him. Zach Ertz is not living up to the TE of the future label we gave him so he's going to take a backseat to Jason Witten, especially now that Dallas has figured out how to play football again.

LOBO can take solace that nothing he would have done in Week Five would have mattered, but Yahoo! gave him a D-grade in the recap. And he's not in good shape going forward with Jimmy Graham's bum shoulder and Rashard Jennings getting banged up vs Atlanta. At least you've got last place Bald Spots to kick around this week.


We consulted the Torah for our Week Six lineup, but all we got was a recipe for Gifilte Fish...

This is one of the rare seasons that our Week Six opponent Bourbon Blaster do not have Drew Brees in their lineup. Unfortunately we don't have him in our lineup either for Week Six because of the Saints bye week.  But Jay Cutler's been putting up Brees-like numbers so we're okay there. The problem comes in the form of some former members of the Renal Roster. We traded Brian Quick for Chris Ivory (who we parlayed for Brees) and Quick has proven to be a golden WR in garbage time for the Rams. Also we had released Ben Tate when he was injured and the Blasters snatched him up when he got healthy, and he's showing to be the main RB we thought he'd be when we originally drafted him.

Joe went to the waiver wire to get Andre Williams with Rashard Jennings down and the Giants playing the Eagles this week (who while having the highest scoring DEF/Special Teams in the HBFFL also give up an obscene amount of yards and points to the opposition).  Frank Gore's running on the hapless Rams so that looks problematic for the People.  Percy Harvin kept having touchdowns called back this past Monday so he should get the chance to wild against the Cowboys.

41 points later, he's the 8th ranked WR in the league

Despite all that, Yahoo! is giving the early edge to Renal Failure.  Demaryius Thomas should have another big day, this time vs. the Jets.  Fred Jackson is starting to catch fire and is playing a weak Patriots squad.  Maclin's going to get his, as usual, and especially in a game against a divisional rival. And Beast Mode is Beast Mode.


Winning this week would not only give us the pleasure of extending the Blasters' losing streak to four games, it would help us begin to break away from the logjam of six 2-3 teams.  Renal Failure's currently atop this morass in fourth because we've got more 6 more points than the Blasters. We'll see whether Week Six marks the point where we rise up toward the playoffs or sink deeper into the uncertain muck.

Renal Failure is the People's Champion and Wild Card (bitches!) of Fantasy Football. We also beat LOBO in the FTWL but not as savagely. We're also playing the Blasters in the FTWL, but Yahoo! likes their chances of winning way more there, but that's mainly because Peyton Manning is projected to put up 33 points vs. the Jets, which is somewhat reasonable.

LOBO, he tasks me.

Lobo. He tasks me...

It's championship week and I find myself pitted against Lobo in both my leagues. My #1 Future Ex-Cons vs. his #2 Predator Press in the HBFFL and my #2 From Behind! vs. his #1 pwn.exe. I hate him soooooo much...sooooooo much. As of this post, he's going with his Nick Foles (he previously was starting Jay Cutler at QB), Brandon Marshall, and Justin Tucker combo. I'll admit, I'm worried about this one. I have fears that this entire season will be all for naught as I lose to an auto-drafter...an Auto-Drafter!!! Sure Lobo makes more moves during the season than 6 Wilt Chamberlains (or one Ron Burgundy).

But he's a fraking Auto-Drafter!!

In the end, I pray that good triumphs over the evil that is Lobo. That way the good children of the world can continue to have a Christmas. Is it so much to ask for Lobo to pull a Wil Shatner and scream out, "Khaaaaaaan!"

Tuesday Morning QB: Anyone, anyone, anyone? Yes, ANYONE!

Welcome to Tuesday Morning Quarterback, where I take a look back at what I (and sometimes others) would have (could have/should have) done differently with my (their) fantasy football teams for that previous week's games. 

As I had the highest score of any team in the league this season with 155 this week, and again I FUCKING ROCK (yawwwwn), I turn my attention in particular to two losers: Troi with his Future Ex-Cons squad and LOBO with his Predator Press squad.

Both lost and it should be no surprise as they didn't even take players off their starting lineup that they should have taken off and replaced them with players...well, players who actually PLAYED.

It is especially evident with Troi, who still had LeSean McCoy in his starting lineup, even though McCoy was out with a concussion. Troi lost by a mere three points, 80-77, to Delusion of Adequacy. Put ANYONE in there for Odin's sake and you would have won.

As for LOBO, the defending HBFFL champion (seemingly in name only, not in reality) he still had Darren McFadden in his starting lineup and worse yet, Titus Young still on his roster. Go pick up ANYONE for even Baldur's sake off the waiver wire. Give yourself a fighting chance.

Yes, ANYONE!!!!

Dice Schmice

Nonames don't use no dice. After 3 straight wins we're pretty much running on...

That's right, remote control, bitches.

Week 8 saw my nonames go up against LOBO's Predator Press. We came away with an 87-82 victory. We pretty much led out of the gate, Thursday night and through to Sunday night. We led going into Monday night but my Arizona D was going up against LOBO's Larry Fitzgerald. Both sucked, but Arizona a little less, preserving our win.

Stand outs on the nonames squad included Tampa Bay rookie Doug Martin who racked up 39 fantasy points, the best RB score of the week.

And kicker Sebastien Janikowski booted 14 points for our nonames, the second highest K points in the league in Week 8.

Now my nonames had some challenges this week. A.J. Green was on a bye. Victor Cruz was virtually invisible with 2 points. And Mr. Rodgers limited himself to 16 points. Shit, that's not even half of Martin's 39.

So let's see. What the Canuck in Week 6. Purple Drank in Week 7. And now Predator Press in Week 8.

Week 9 sees us up against Bald Spots who stands firmly in last spot with 1-7-0.

I'm thinking a league record 4 game winning streak's in the cards.

Tuesday Morning QB: Roll the dice

Welcome to Tuesday Morning Quarterback, where I take a look back at what I (and sometimes others) would have (could have/should have) done differently with my (their) fantasy football teams for that previous week's games. 

Well, this week I'm not going to look back at what I could have done differently, because to put it quite bluntly, I FUCKING ROCK!

With my 129-75 victory over Delusion of Adequacy, I vaulted into first place.

Instead, I'm going to look at what one of the other peons could have done differently to help himself to victory, namely one LOBO whose team Predator Press lost 87-82 to nonames.

LOBO played Larry Fitzgerald who had a measly 5 fantasy points instead of going with the gamble Titus Young but who all the fantasy football pundits had been hyping all week so why the hell not roll the dice?

Young had 29 points and would have given LOBO an overwhelming 106-87 win...

...but he had to be a PUSSY (nope, not just a lowercase non-bolded pussy, but uppercase bold PUSSY) and not take the chance on Young, who was second on the receiving depth chart after Nate Burleson broke a leg.

And LOBO knew better because during a Facebook conversation Monday night, he said this:

"L Fitz is always double-teamed and SF doesn't give up sh*t to WR. Barring an act of God, John Bray [nonames actually does have a name] should have this all wrapped up already."

Damned by his own words...all because he wouldn't roll the dice or to mix metaphors, "know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and know when to run."

Shuffling Off To Buffalo A Bad Idea

by nonamedufus

Gratuitous chick pic to help illustrate this post.

Week 10 is over...and we move on. Our intrepid nonames actually had a name this week and it was LOSER. Paired with Predator Press we were favoured to win the week. But our slide into defeat began early with the Thursday night game. PP emerged with 34 points thanks to Oakland's Michael Bush versus NN's 6 from the Chargers' Mike Tolbert.

Sunday's games didn't go much better for the NNs with Arian Foster responsible for a whopping 37 points for PP.

Arizona's Larry Fitzgerald was the highest nonames point picker, plucking 31 pigskin points. However heading into Monday night Predator Press had a lead of over 30 points.

Could my main man, Mr Rodgers, rise to the occasion? Are you kidding, he's Aaron fuckin' Rodgers. But I couldn't watch and when I woke up Tuesday morning I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Funnily enough it was gone after I went to the bathroom.

I checked the scores and learned that it wasn't a beautiful day in the neighbourhood as Mr. Rodgers had under-performed racking up only 30 of a projected 35 fantasy points.

The worst of it all was my decision to play Buffalo at Defense. Points? 0 And I left Chicago's Defence on my bench. Points? 32.

To add insult to injury PP manager LOBO won the biggest blowout of the week award with his 123-105 victory.

But I'll have my revenge. Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper has given Chad Kroeger his set list for Nickelback's Turkey Day in Detroit half-time hootenanny. Yeah, take that Americans.

"Why don't you guys start with 'Burn It To The Ground'.

It'll remind them how we burned the White House in the War of 1812."

So entering Week 11 Predator Press's win keeps him in 1st place. Purple Drank who I beat last week slips into 2nd place and my nonames share a three-way tie for third (technically 4th place) with the Bourbon Blasters and Renal Failure.

And this week I play Unfinished Person. But after last week's loss in what I thought would be an easy win I've decided to change my ways and not engage in cheap, boast-filled, spiteful and hurtful trash talk. Nope. I'm gonna let my man Mr. Rodgers do the talking.

Hey UP!

Purple Drank Sics Scumbag Steve on Predator Press

After last week's low score vs. Renal Failure I reached back into my bag of secret weapons for the matchup against Lobo's 4-0 Predator Press. Just in case.

The result was a 81-67 victory for my Purple Drank squad.

Not only did Scumbag Steve steal points from Lobo's score but also his lighter too. Try being a smoker forced to use matches. Very distracting.

I'm all about the modern, yo

I interrupt this week's regularly scheduled Tuesday Morning Quarterback post for a rebuttal of sorts to my fellow HBFFL owners who seem to think I live under a rock. To wit, this past week our esteemed leader Chris, who indicated that I used smoke signals to catch live NFL games and then later LOBO, in a comment on one of Renal Failure's posts, indicated that I use a transistor radio.

I would like to dispel those myths by showing you what I actually use to catch live NFL games:



It's been around since the last century, the latter part of the century unlike LOBO's suggestion of a transistor radio which was much earlier, and a century after the 19th unlike Chris's suggestion of smoke signals. True, I haven't caught up to the 21st century yet, but one day I will get there...

via fixedgear on Flickr

Punching the People's Ticket to the Championship Game

by Renal Failure


Play this video twice to get the full brutality of Unfinished Rambler's weekend in Fantasy Football...

Your People's Champion is heading back to the HBFFL Championship by way of a 104-81 victory over The Ramblers. And doubly upsetting for the Ramblers is that they also lost against us in LOBO's FTWL league as well, leaving not even a quantum of solace for the Unfinished One and his impressive fantasy season (10-4, with a league-leading 1407 points, 7 more than Renal Failure) after missing last year's playoffs. But Rambler thought he could harness the power of Ines Sainz but cutting it with a little Jenn Sterger, and Our Lady of Victory smote him with great vengeance and furious anger... and tight pants.

Rambler's end can be traced to his team catching the injury bug late in the season, losing Frank Gore for the year in Week 12 and Aaron Rodgers for at least Week 15. Other teams had been bitten by injuries earlier in the season (like Renal Failure) and had made the proper adjustments to their lineup come playoff time. Rambler, whose lack of depth had already been exploited by Renal Failure earlier this year during RF's season-saving five-game win streak, was left to depend on Jon Kitna for his playoff life, as well as Deion Branch, Rob Gronkowski, and BenJarvus Green-Ellis in an attempt to mitigate Tom Brady's potential bear-tossing damage.

Now, the Kitna plan would have worked out just peachy keen for Rambler (33pts) except for the fact that Kitna was throwing a lot to Renal Failure's Jason Witten (25pts), thus negating all of Kitna's hard work (which we totally foresaw in last week's preview) . Also, Rambler's multiple Patriot gamble backfired because he didn't play the one Patriot that Tom Brady threw his scores to against Green Bay, Aaron Hernandez (16pts on the Rambler bench, compared to the 2pts Gronkowski got from Brady; we suspect Rambler was scared off from starting Hernandez because he was coming off an injury). Also Brady had a mediocre 20-point day vs. the Packers, translating into worse days for Branch and Green-Ellis (though Ramblers choice of New England for his defense was really good, 15pts). And with Rodgers out, Rambler put his boundless faith into Arian Foster, who hadn't had a bad week all season... until now. Five points for the Number One Running Back in Fantasy Football. Yeah, Rambler's season was pretty much over once the final gun sounded on that Tennessee/Houston game with Foster laying an egg at the worst possible time. Underperformance by your stud players is a pain Renal Failure knows all too well... and would like other teams to share...


Revenge is a dish best served busty and scantily clad...

Chris Johnson was back on his game for The People with a 24-point day against the Texans. Even with Tim Tebow under center, Brandon Lloyd got 13 points (and pretty much accounted for all of Tebow's passing yards too). But the People were disappointed with Peyton Hillis's weak 7-point game, as well as with Dwayne Bowe's 5-point blah game with Matt Cassel returning as Chiefs QB. Weaker than that was the Tampa Bay defense getting a big fat zero against Detroit. But at least Matt Bryant kicked himself a 1o-spot vs. Seattle.

So who will be Renal Failure's opponent this year in Humor Bowl III? It's LOBO and Predator Press, pulling off the 4th seed upset over the first place 12-2 regular season champ Bourbon Blasters 134-69. Michael Vick threw a 54-point bear through the wormhole and into Peacekeeper territory, along with Vincent Jackson's 33-point mauling of San Francisco. Joe lost Knowshon Moreno early in the Broncos game, though it would have made little difference if he had played the whole day considering the margin of victory LOBO racked up on the Blasters.

Funny thing is, Joe beat LOBO last week, which actually gave LOBO the 4-seed and the playoff rematch. But Joe's not wishing he would have tanked that last game, for then Renal Failure would have been the 4-seed and still would have beaten the Blasters. So Joe, you were damned if you did, damned if you didn't, and now you're playing for 3rd place against the Ramblers.

The only HBFFL team to have a worse two week span than Joe is Bryan and his Bald Spots team. Not only did their loss to absentee Team Krapsody knock them out of the playoffs in Week 14, but in Week 15 as the 5-seed in the consolation playoffs they got beat by 8-seed What the Canuck? after Adrian Petersen was deactivated for the Monday Night Vikings/Bears game. Such a rough way to end a good season for the Bald Spots.... going 7-2 and then losing the last four of five to miss the playoffs... then falling victim to the 8th-seed Canuck. At least if he lost to an American he could salvage some bit of pride. That should make him hungry for next year for sure.


Ninja Vicki and Samurai Cathy would like to point out that La Machine beat Team Krapsody to move on to see who finishes fifth. They would also like to point out that, for the good of keeping his intestines on the inside, LOBO should seriously consider starting Ben Roethlisberger instead of Michael Vick.

Anyway, back to Predator Press... LOBO has been found guilty in the People's Court of trying dick-ride our Ines Sainz devotion to fantasy football success, and next week Renal Failure has the chance to carry out the sentence on him in not just the HBFFL but his own FTWL as well, considering he won his playoff game there too. Can the People's Champion become an actual champion? Can Renal Failure be a multiple league champion? Or will the HBFFL be cursed to suffer the reign of a manager who averaged over four roster changes a week in 2010? Plus, keep in mind this is a revenge game as LOBO squeaked out a win against your People's Champion in Week 7. And you know how much Renal Failure loves revenge games because NO ONE CIRCLES THE WAGONS LIKE THE WILD CARD, BITCHES!


And we look good in black leather too...

Our preview of HUMOR BOWL III and the grand finale of the 2010 HBFFL season will be later this week. Until then, keep waving those Renal Failure towels high in the air.


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Renal Failure is in the championship game in three out of the four leagues they are in, and is a firm believer that Farscape is the far superior science-fiction show than the overrated crap known as Firefly.

The People vs. LOBO

by Renal Failure

Chef Aid
Tags: SOUTH
PARKmore...

We've put our best legal minds on this issue of Ines Sainz's ass...

Ladies and gentlemen of this alleged jury. You've heard some fancy words from LOBO about why he also should be allowed to invoke the power of Ines Sainz's ass, something that Renal Failure has been doing for the past four weeks. But these supposed claims from this supposed LOBO don't hold up under any sort of scrutiny.

First, our other attorney would like to put his objection of LOBO's claims on the official record. He would post it directly here, but the HBFFL blog is full of unsavory characters who would get him disbarred should the authorities find him associating with them (we're looking at you, Rambler).


Exhibit A in the People's Case against LOBO... "A" as in "ass."

EXHIBIT B: In September the Ines Sainz locker room story broke, resulting in Bex's only post for the HBFFL blog, one post from Chris C. reminding us that Sainz could have done worse with a drunk Joe Namath, and two posts on the subject by LOBO. But after that, nothing from anyone on Ines Sainz until Week 8 when your People's Champion Renal Failure jettisoned the advice of Ninja Vicki and Samurai Cathy for the glorious oracle that is Ines Sainz's ass. And since we've made that move, Renal Failure has gone 4-0, thus resurrecting the People's 2010 Season.


Ninja Vicki and Samurai Cathy suggest to LOBO that those who own paragons of virtue Ben Roethlisberger, Michael Vick, and Santonio Holmes on their fantasy teams should not cast stones.

So LOBO sees the success the People are having with Ines Sainz and wants to get in on the hot, sexy action too, so he starts adding her ass to his posts as well. Clearly LOBO is clearly guilty of bandwagon-jumping, dick-riding, and high hipsterism. And arson. Yet still LOBO claims to be the victim - nay, the plaintiff - in this case, even though it is the People who have victimized by LOBO wanting a piece of our Ines Sainz action.


The part of LOBO will be played by Will.I.Am and Thugnificient...

EXHIBIT C: LOBO says we are compromising the integrity of Ines Sainz journalistic integrity with our appropriation of Sainz's ass for the People's use, but if you checked out his second post in September about Ines Sainz he strips of her journalist title and calls her an entertainer.

And I quote from LOBO: "The more I think about this Inez Sainz thing, the more annoyed I get. It really illustrates the difference between “Journalists” and “Entertainers” nicely: "Journalists" don’t become The Story."

What is she this week, LOBO?


What LOBO didn't tell you about the bong he found in our possession was that the last time it was used his starting fantasy QB Michael Vick was still killing dogs...

So readers of the HBFFL blog, we ask that you see LOBO's claim for what we've clearly exposed it as: the desperate act of a fantasy owner trying to sneak his ass into the playoffs at the expense of the much more beloved Renal Failure by way of Ines Sainz's ass, an ass he had discarded back in Week Two. In the words of Sir Mix-a-Lot in the case of Little in the Middle v. But She Got Much Back, when it comes to Ines Sainz's ass LOBO did indeed toss it and leave it, and we pulled up quick to retrieve it.

The People know you will make the right choice.


And if we see you on our block again, LOBO...


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Renal Failure puts the "gat" in litigation, because we love doing that John Woo two gun thing. And then the doves start flying.

Tuesday Morning QB: Where I should be happy that I defeated Lobo but I'm not because I also lost to Lobo

I know the title of this post is like, "Whaaaa?"

But it's like this, here in the HBFFL, my team defeated Lobo's Predator Press team, 95-47, while in the FTWL (Lobo's upstart league), my team lost to Lobo's Al Dente Infernos team 89-73.

Why I lost over there came down to one simple fact:



I didn't have the balls to play Kyle Orton over Aaron ("Always Play Your Studs") Rodgers. Orton had 30 fantasy points; Rodgers, 8.

Why I won over here came down to one player who was able to kick the balls of the Cincinnati Bengals:



His name: Dan Carpenter. Kicker for the Miami Dolphins and he came up with a whopping 17 fantasy points as he went 5-for-5 on field goal attempts. Yes, Arian Foster and Frank Gore came through as usual, but without Carpenter's 17 points too, I wouldn't have been able to defeat Lobo -- at least once this week.

Thanks, Dan, for not making this week a complete loss.

Now on to next week, where I'll be playing Renal Failure without Gore and would have been playing him without Foster too if I had accepted a trade offer from him. G-U-L-L-I-B-L-E. Yep, I know how to spell it still, RF, and I'm not buying it.

Week 7 Preview: Renal Failure vs. Predator Press

by Renal Failure


Artist representation of LOBO's loss to Bex last week...

It's a battle of underachieving 2-4 teams this week as Predator Press comes into the People's House to face Renal Failure at the midway point of the HBFFL regular season. But it is also the most important game of Week 7 because it will likely dictate which team will be in playoff contention in the second half the season and which team will only be a potential spoiler for the playoff contenders in the later weeks.

Obviously Predator Press will be looking to bounce back from their crushing defeat to the formerly-winless Battlin' Butterflies of Bex. LOBO comes equipped with a third of Renal Failure 2009 starting lineup, but they haven't been performing up to snuff in 2010. Maurice Jones-Drew hasn't been putting up bear-like numbers; hell, he hasn't even thrown a raccoon into orbit yet. Chad Ochocinco has seen all his catches go to T.O. this year. Only Stephen Jackson has been scoring a decent amount of points on a regular basis in the flex spot, making him the highest scoring non-QB on the PredPress roster.


SJax tiptoes silently across the field... hoping no one will notice he's the only one on the Rams' with any real talent...

The rest of LOBO's lineup has some promise. He's got Ben "No means Yes" Roethlisberger in the QB slot, but Renal Failure has his favorite target Hines Ward starting to siphon off those big points Big Ben puts up. Vernon Davis has been picking his game up recently and is certainly a more likable option than RF's erratic Jason Whitten at TE. Even Roy Williams has the hot hand lately, which is fortunate for LOBO because his depth at WR sucks. Who else would he play? Mike Sims-Walker? With the QB issues in Jacksonville? Please.

But Renal Failure has some excellent matchups this week. Brandon Lloyd is playing Oakland and that's likely to become a shoot-out at the Orbital Bear Corral. The rejuvenated Dwayne Bowe is going against a weak Jacksonville Jaguars team that got stomped by Tennessee last week. And Tom "Bear NASA" Brady is going to be throwing the ball all day against the San Diego Chargers.


Ninja Vicki and Samurai Cathy think Seattle being projected for 15 points against Arizona seems a bit on the high side. But Kansas City getting 9 on Jacksonville seems about right.

Yahoo! is projecting a 95-85 victory for your People's Champion Renal Failure, but we think Chris Johnson getting 24 against the Eagles is a rather ambitious projection. Still, Chris Johnson likes a challenge and Tennessee has shown they'll let him run all day long even when the game is pretty much over. The People like their odds to go 3-4 at the mid-season mark and return to the realm of playoff contention.


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Renal Failure is not a witch. Renal Failure is you, except with bigger tits.

Apparently Dwayne Bowe can only score points when you bench him

by Renal Failure


You can't beat us, because we're going to beat ourselves. Chew on that while we bleed on your rug, honkey-ass cracker.

The People's Champion paid for their boldness this week, losing 78-73 to the Bourbon Blasters. Chris Johnson tried to make a game of it, but our decision to play Danny Amendola (1pt) instead of Dwayne Bowe (27pts) cost us Week Six, no question about it. Even Brandon Jackson's 7-point day would have given us the victory. But then, we wouldn't be bold, and no one can take our boldness from us. Not Joe. Not Chris. Not Rambler. And certainly not LOBO who lost to Bex this week, ruining Bex's quest for the first winless season in HBFFL history and bringing much shame to LOBO's family name.

Also, LaDainian Tomlinson and Michael Crabtree getting their 2nd half scores for the Blasters didn't help our cause either. But Miles Austin pulling a Danny Amendola kept things close while Lance Moore's 11pts and the Giants Steve Smith's 7pts languished on the bench. But Joe wasn't being bold with those lineup decisions, so he should feel shame (especially since we probably talked him out of starting Steve Smith with last week's preview). And we sort of exorcised the ghost of Dallas-fucking-Clark as the TE we used to call "money" had a middling 5-point day while Chris Johnson scored 22.

And we need to point out that Ninja Vicki and Samurai Cathy were very wrong in their declaration that Drew Brees scoring under his projected 25 points. 31 is more than 25, ladies!


Ninja Vicki and Samurai Cathy would like to point out that their expertise is not in football but in decapitating people and showing fools what their intestines look like.

What did go right this week? Chris Johnson getting some last second stat-padding numbers at the end of the Tennessee-Jacksonville Monday night snoozefest felt pretty right to us. Brandon Lloyd got his projected point total against a tough Jets D. Tom Brady got his projected total too, but we expect more from the man who invented throwing bears into outer space. Hines Ward came back with a nice 11pt day thanks to Ben Roethlisberger's return after sitting out four games because he doesn't understand what consent means. So things might actually be looking up for your People's Champion... 'cause they can't get any much worse. Unless we lose to Bex. Like LOBO did. By 26.

So the People's Champion limps into Week 7 with a unpleasant 2-4 record, the same record as our opponent that week LOBO's Predator Press (did we mention he lost to Bex?). We'll have a preview of this epic battle for sole possession of 7th place (especially if Don's Eunuchs keep faltering) later in the week. Until then, stay bold.


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Renal Failure can't lose to Bex until they play in Week 8.