Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Apparently Dwayne Bowe can only score points when you bench him

by Renal Failure

You can't beat us, because we're going to beat ourselves. Chew on that while we bleed on your rug, honkey-ass cracker.

The People's Champion paid for their boldness this week, losing 78-73 to the Bourbon Blasters. Chris Johnson tried to make a game of it, but our decision to play Danny Amendola (1pt) instead of Dwayne Bowe (27pts) cost us Week Six, no question about it. Even Brandon Jackson's 7-point day would have given us the victory. But then, we wouldn't be bold, and no one can take our boldness from us. Not Joe. Not Chris. Not Rambler. And certainly not LOBO who lost to Bex this week, ruining Bex's quest for the first winless season in HBFFL history and bringing much shame to LOBO's family name.

Also, LaDainian Tomlinson and Michael Crabtree getting their 2nd half scores for the Blasters didn't help our cause either. But Miles Austin pulling a Danny Amendola kept things close while Lance Moore's 11pts and the Giants Steve Smith's 7pts languished on the bench. But Joe wasn't being bold with those lineup decisions, so he should feel shame (especially since we probably talked him out of starting Steve Smith with last week's preview). And we sort of exorcised the ghost of Dallas-fucking-Clark as the TE we used to call "money" had a middling 5-point day while Chris Johnson scored 22.

And we need to point out that Ninja Vicki and Samurai Cathy were very wrong in their declaration that Drew Brees scoring under his projected 25 points. 31 is more than 25, ladies!

Ninja Vicki and Samurai Cathy would like to point out that their expertise is not in football but in decapitating people and showing fools what their intestines look like.

What did go right this week? Chris Johnson getting some last second stat-padding numbers at the end of the Tennessee-Jacksonville Monday night snoozefest felt pretty right to us. Brandon Lloyd got his projected point total against a tough Jets D. Tom Brady got his projected total too, but we expect more from the man who invented throwing bears into outer space. Hines Ward came back with a nice 11pt day thanks to Ben Roethlisberger's return after sitting out four games because he doesn't understand what consent means. So things might actually be looking up for your People's Champion... 'cause they can't get any much worse. Unless we lose to Bex. Like LOBO did. By 26.

So the People's Champion limps into Week 7 with a unpleasant 2-4 record, the same record as our opponent that week LOBO's Predator Press (did we mention he lost to Bex?). We'll have a preview of this epic battle for sole possession of 7th place (especially if Don's Eunuchs keep faltering) later in the week. Until then, stay bold.

Renal Failure can't lose to Bex until they play in Week 8.


Chris C said...

Nobody circles the wagons like the Kansas City Chiefs.

renalfailure said...

Weren't chiefs the reason wagons were circled in the first place? "Oh shit, Indian ambush!"