Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The Wild Card Drafteth...

The Renal Failure draft day war room...

The 2010 Humor Bloggers Fantasy Football League Auto-Draft has been completed, and the People's Champion known as Renal Failure could not be more pleased with the results for their squad, for a number of reasons.

First, Renal Failure won the Auto-Draft lottery and was granted the Number One pick, a scenario we never even bothered mock drafting for because we are eternal pessimists. We had a 10 percent chance of getting that first pick, and a 90 percent chance of not getting it, so we planned on not getting it. But the thing about pessimism is that when your dreary scenario doesn't come true, you are pleasantly surprised. And having Chris Johnson back on our roster is a very pleasant surprise.

(Oh, you don't remember that it was Renal Failure back in '08 who picked up Chris Johnson as a rookie free agent and watched him salvage our dreary 1-4 start into a respectable 8-6 finish? Yeah, we're like fantasy football hipsters, we were so about Chris Johnson before anyone else was.)

Second, in keeping with the Renal Failure tradition of drafting players the year after they had wounded us so deeply, (for example, the Dallas Clark incident of '08 led us to draft him in '09) we picked up Tom Brady in the second round. Readers of this blog and Fantasy Footballers in general will remember Mr. Brady's insane game last year against Buffalo (ed. correction: Chris reminds us that it was Tennessee, but in our meager defense Buffalo sounded so much more feasible) where he put up 60 fantasy points. That performance was the catalyst for our invention of the Fantasy Football term "Throw a bear into outer space," meaning to have an insanely-productive fantasy day. Now Renal Failure somehow survived Tom Brady's bear-chucking day to win that week, but we never looked at the world the same way after that. Now Brady the bear-chucker is in the employ of the People's Champion, guaranteed not harm us like that again, at least not this season.

Grizzly Man, you will be avenged...

Third, Hines Ward is back on our team for the third straight year. I don't know how he does it. Somehow he just ends up in our lineup. That's fine with us, he was our highest scoring WR last year (13th in WR in the league), though we're not sure who's going to be throwing to him until the NFL is sure Ben Roethlisberger won't trap women in a bathroom with himself.

Fourth, our lineup is buttressed with quality players like RB Ryan Grant (9th in RB scoring in '09), WR Dwayne Bowe (looking to bounce back strong after a four-game suspension in '09), and TE Jason Witten (5th in TE scoring in '09). And while we don't have Kicking MVP Nate Kaeding this year, we did get the 2nd highest scoring kicker of '09 and the '08 kicking scoring leader David Akers back into our lineup. And if Kevin Kolb falters in Philly, Akers is going to get a lot of work.

Mourn not your kickers... because that's just dumb.

Fifth, our bench looks pretty deep. Clinton Portis and Pierre Thomas can cover for CJohnson and Grant during their bye weeks at RB. Braylon Edwards is the big name receiver for the Jets. Heath Miller is a quality TE. Eli Manning returns to the People's Bench for another season of backup quarterbacking. Julian Edelman made it onto the team as an insurance policy against Wes Welker's health in New England. Our DEF/ST are strong with Baltimore and New Orleans. And finally K Phil Dawson will likely be the only source of offense the Cleveland Browns have this year.

Sixth, with 161st pick of the draft, Renal Failure selects... PEPE SILVIA! Our thanks to Barney for tipping us off to the ultra-secret 17th round of the auto-draft that no one else knew about, not even Carol in HR. Yeah, that's right... the man does not exist, but we've got him anyway. How did we do it? WILD CARD, BITCHES!

So how did the other teams do in the draft? We don't know, let them tell you themselves. Why would you expect us to tell you about everyone, like we're some sort of gossipy church socialite? That's not who Renal Failure is. We're The People's Champion, The Wild Card (Bitches!), the Duke of New York, the Macho Fantasy Football Donkey Wrestler, the Great One, and the Nobel Laureate of the HBFFL. And remember, no one circles the wagons like Renal Failure.

2010 is on. Wear a cup. Even if you're a woman, 'cause Renal Failure is the innovator of the cervix kick.

---Renal Failure is taking America's honor, then restoring it, and then taking it again because fresh honor is the tastiest...

Friday, August 27, 2010

All Time Fantasy Team Brings Back Memories

Yahoo had a great post today about the best all-time fantasy players, the busts, and the one-hit wonders.

It brought back some memories.

There was the time I had the #1 overall pick in 1997 and took Barry Sanders the season he blew up for 2,053 rushing yards. I had the best record, highest-scoring team, and #1 seed in the playoffs.

Then, in the post-season I ran into the guy who had wideout Rob Moore and Jake Plummer.

Not only did Moore rack up 1,584 yards and eight touchdowns that year but he also averaged 99 yards a game. And he was a beast in the last three weeks:

Wk 14: 188 yds, 0 td
Wk 15: 114 yds, 3 td (playoffs)
Wk 16: 31 yds, 0 td (playoffs)

Plummer was nasty as well:

Wk 14: 270 yds passing, 2 td
Wk 15: 337 yds passing, 4 td (playoffs)
Wk 16: 180 yds passing, 21 yards rushing, 1 rush td (playoffs)

I got the beat down in week fifteen and that owner went on to win it all despite a soft showing by Plummer and Moore in the championship round.

Moore was not mentioned by the way in the article. He should have been a one-hit-wonder.

I cheered up though looking at the honorable mentions for running backs.
Honorable mention: Earl Campbell in '79 and '80, Eric Dickerson in '84, Jim Brown in '58, O.J. Simpson in '73, Terrell Davis in '98, Shaun Alexander in '05, Emmitt Smith in '95, Walter Payton in '77, Jamal Lewis in '03, Barry Sanders in '97, Chris Johnson in '09, Steven Jackson in '06, Marcus Allen in '85, Larry Johnson in '05 and '06, Roger Craig in '85, Holmes in 2002, Faulk in '98, '99, '01.
I have had the fortune of owning three on that list (in bold).

I also had two of those players the year after their big season (Smith in ’96 and Alexander in ’06). Both lost production due to injuries and both were first round picks.

I can still remember watching Dallas’ first game of the season against Chicago on MNF in 1996. Emmitt dives over the pile at the goal line and scores the touchdown but gets hurt, one of many injuries that year. Ouch.

There were good memories and there were bad. It was fun to go down that road none the less. Thanks Yahoo.

Do you have any good or bad fantasy football memories? Put them down in the comments below.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010


Predator Press


In contrast to my esteemed colleagues Renal Failure and Chris Cameron (well, Chris anyway), I’m going to illustrate why a non-ranked autodraft is a horrible idea.

Here is what Yahoo! gave me last year, in order:

1. (6) Brian Westbrook
2.(15) Brandon Jacobs
3. (26) Reggie Wayne
4.(35) Brandon Marshall
5. (46) Tony Gonzalez
6.(55) Jay Cutler
7. (66) Minnesota
8. (75) Mason Crosby
9. (86) Ronnie Brown
10. (95) Darren McFadden
11. (106) Eddie Royal
12. (115) Lance Moore
13. (126) Ben Roethlisberger
14. (135) Vernon Davis
15. (146) Garrett Hartley
16. (155) Seattle
-The Suicide Hotline people were very helpful at first: they told me very explicitly that there was no way fantasy football was worth killing myself over as long as I could beat Unfinished Rambler. They further assured me if I got to the point where I couldn’t defeat Unfinished Rambler, they would Fed-Ex me ammunition and a revolver.

But eventually those lazy Suicide Hotline people stopped answering my calls -and those assholes at "911" blocked my phone number because I was faking concern for the Suicide Hotline people! My mother didn't know shit about football, and the Vatican was completely ambivalent. Even my loyal cat Phil was no help. Getting third place in 2009 with that mess? Don’t think it was it was easy for a second: at one point I got a blister on my finger from all the 'googling,' and had to go on my own Injured Reserve List to collect Fantasy Disability.

But I never gave up. NEVER! The sacred and hallowed name of Predator Press shall not be tainted by loss under my watch!

The worse things got, the more I would reach down, deep into my entrails for the will to continue the fight.

I swear upon various gods what follows is true, and Chris can verify it: if you examine my transactions a little closer, you'll see I was actually drafting virtually any free agent playing against the Rams I could get my hands on. And with this "betting against the Rams" technique, I ended up a Contender until about Week 10. It was right around then that Brian Westbrook -my #1 draft "pick"- triumphantly returned. But after nursing the inconsiderate prick along all season, what does he do? About eight seconds into his first game, he got his noggin scrambled into tapioca. What an asshole!

-Week 10 was also right around when Unfinished Rambler informed me there was no Week 17. I didn't know it at the time, but any hope for the Championship teetered on the results of games 13 and 14; the single late-season loss to La Machine took me out of position 2, thus the final round with an unforeseeably-beatable Championship Week 16 Renal Failure would never come to pass. In Week 10(ish), I had everything comfortably pointed at Week 17 -when I thought the Finals were.

Chris had obviously been fooling my entrails all along.

And he stole my 2009 Championship.

Fucking diabolical, wasn't it?

Thusly riddled with a savage lust for vengeance, I needed some diabolical advice so I could get some swift and lethal payback on Chris pronto. So desperate was I to slake the vacuous, raging thirst for justice!

But there’s no Gatorade big enough for a vacuous, raging thirst for justice my friend ... When I asked Chris for advice this year, I explained up-front to him how dire my circumstances were in order to seek his advice again -I even mentioned that I'd asked my cat first. As result of my heartfelt sincerity, Chris promised he wouldn’t sabotage me anymore. So we're cool, and bygones are bygones ... and with Chris onboard to help me destroy him? Hah! He is totally screwed.

Alas, my diabolical non-autodraft shall remain top secret until the last minute. But let not your hearts be troubled -I shant prevent you from basking in all of my football geniosity.

-Just most of it.

Behold the Official 2010 Predator Press Support Staff!

Offensive Coordinator: Tarken HawkWorthy

NFL football legend Fran Tarkenton's presence in this elite cadre of Predator Press specialists should be self-explanatory.

See, once Predator Press gets chicks falling under all this wild and unbridled irresistible machismo, we think they might force their boyfriends and/or husbands to buy Predator Press mechandise for them. You know … for doing the dishes or laundry or whatever.

So we needed someone that could not only bring in the ladies, but could create the sound of soggy panties slapping against pavement at will.

We needed the estrogen equivalent of a nuclear bomb.

We needed Fran Tarkenton.

(As much as I wanted to represent the juggernaut of wisdom aka Predator Press personally, it turned out I was too expensive; this -coupled with the fact that Terri would have ripped my head off- made me withdraw from consideration.)

Steven Hawking, in contrast, recently helped Predator Press launch six of eight footballs through a dense cloud of bears into deep space. These footballs are scheduled to land in the northern End Zone in Week 11, so if we win that coin toss (and aren't killed by falling bears or Jay Cutler radio promotions) that game is all locked up already.

I added Jeff Foxworthy because I can’t get enough of “You might be a redneck” jokes. Besides, the only shark head we have was too big.

In retrospect I suppose I could have sewn the heads on either Tarkenton or Foxworthy, as tests showed their bodies are somewhat more fully-functional than Hawking's (we also discovered that if we made Hawking speed his wheelchair across the field while drinking a light beer, we all aged twenty minutes). But to be honest, using Hawking's body is a judgment error I can live with frankly; this way they are all very easy to find when I need them, and their maintenance is significantly cheaper -TarkenHawkWorthy only requires a feed tube running in, and a waste tube running out.

I have Brian Westbrook switch them twice a day.

Defensive Coordinator: ???

I don’t even know our Defense Coordinator’s real name.

-He’s that good!

Aside from the obvious qualifications, this guy enjoys working a Saddam Hussein tribute band, drinking "40s," classical art from the 1800s, and baking.

On top of all that, he further devotes all his spare time to the Boy Scouts of America and "ditching the Federales."

(I don't speak Mexican.)

Miscellaneous Positions: Pastrami Sandwich

I don’t exactly remember why I hired this pastrami sandwich, or what I hired it to do. But who doesn’t love a good pastrami sandwich? I mean even if you’re not hungry, you still have that warm and fuzzy reassuring feeling that you have a pastrami sandwich in the refrigerator for several hours. Mmmmmm ...*

Miscellaneous Positions: Barbarossa

I have no idea where Barbarossa got the idea that I am his parole officer, but I cannot in good conscience inhibit his reformation and social reintegration.

Not knowing what exactly a parole officer does, I had a big prize wheel installed behind my chair: among other mundane things like 'Get A Job' and 'Help Hide the Bodies,' every fourth notch says in bold, gigantical letters legible from a passing airplane, “GO BACK TO JAIL!” To keep his attention, I sort of idly move the wheel back an forth, plucking the little arrow a few knocks. Sometimes, I'll even absently drift toward my soap-on-a-rope poster during the PowerPoint presentations. Or after a good lengthy and comprehensive lecture on where pastrami sandwich theft'll get you, I'll show Midnight Express in 3-D followed by a pop quiz on why his picture is on the Turkish website I've been working on.

Moreover, there’s a big red button in the middle of my desk positioned directly between us. It’s not hooked up to anything, and we never talk about it ...but on the rare occasion I feel I'm 'losing him' -and the prize wheel doesn't work- I’ll sort of let my hands linger around this button. You know, like folding my hands near it? Or sometimes just lunging toward it while stretching during an improbably-abrupt, deep yawn? For another good "wake up call," I'll put a 5-pack of Bic lighters in the nearby dryer ... and every time one detonates I'll run in circles, screaming.

To say he is one ugly motherfucker is to be kind -I mean this guy fell off the Ugly Tree and hit every branch on the way down. Then he fell down into the Ugly Well, and continued on to bash against the Ugly Rocks and drown in the Ugly Water ... meh, you get the picture. But this isn't Barbarossa's main problem. What's really screwed up about this poor bastard is that he's not just tarded, but he is legally "retarded." This means Barbarossa will require more than one -and possibly numerous- untardings. So as his "parole officer," I've officially "Partitioned the Court" or something, and he will guard the pastrami sandwich for free until further notice as treatment. Remember: "Idle hands are the Devil's pork chop," and we have to distract the Devil from the pastrami sandwich at all costs.

While numerous scientists agree that nothing untards an ex con like the creation of bottomless Excel spreadsheets, many scientists also do not agree ... and as a scientist myself, I am disinclined to set those nerds straight good 'n proper this time: who wants Barbarossa -in the current frail state he is in- exposed to the trauma of seeing numerous scientists I have proven wrong immolating themselves on bunsen burners and impaling themselves on broken test tubes? Hm? In a rare moment of human compassion I have agreed to help Barbarossa along on his precarious road to Redemption, and steer him away from evil when possible; having solemnly taken charge of this clearly promising, impressionable lad's future, I cannot let that happen for his or her own sake.

But speaking of "charge," I have decided to make Barbarossa work a little in effort to knock out some of the Tard Therapy bill I'm going to send him eventually. Along with guarding the pastrami sandwich, Barbarossa will create a meticulous alpha-numeric catalogue of the Predator Press team's refrigerator contents, with particular emphasis on the expiration dates. And Team Predator Press perks won't stop at Barbarossa's expense either: because some of those pansies will have a taste for the more expensive and "exotic" (such as bathing several times a week, et cetera), Barbarossa will spearhead the formulation of a committee exclusively responsible for melding all those little soap bar leftovers together to make one a size of practical re-use.

-The tard will be oozing out of Barbarossa by the Playoffs!

Emergency Responder: Doctor Manhattan

I normally don’t hire comic book characters for the same reason I don’t hire women: the more they age, the more likely plastic is involved in an effort to keep those weird guys ogling them safely. But it starts with collagen injections and breast implants ... and the next thing you know, pow -she's full-on robot.

Indeed, the AMA had some initial concerns about Doctor Manhattan's medical credentials too. But what could possibly happen to guys playing football? It’s a game, man ... after the care and feeding of those guys, Doctor Manhattan will likely be totally bored. I was kinda thinking he could help me do some stuff like beat my high score on Centipede and screw AOL out of a few thousand more free hours anyway.

But you know what? Now that I think about it, I don't think I want this guy hanging around with his gizmo hangin out ... I mean his piece'd be all pokin the Centipede coin slots. Yuck!

Still, I think I’ll put him in charge of everything blue. Either that, or I'll make him audition for The Village People.

Haw! He'd be so pissed ...

(I think he's Catholic.)

Public Relations: Daisy the Curly Shark

Until this crazy “environmental” fad goes the way of bellbottoms, platform shoes and, well, good taste, no 2010 team will be complete without a 47 foot Carcharodon carcharias domesticus.

Rather than exploiting landfills, Daisy is an indispensable asset for disposing of worn-out old jockstraps, helmets, cheerleaders, and Brian Westbrook. Until we can get back to zealously destroying the Earth, this will be her primary function -second perhaps only to the disciplinary duty of punishing anyone who dare utter the word "punt" in my presence.

As you can see, my whole 2010 team operates in a cyclical fashion: Daisy keeps everyone motivated and mutually cooperative.

And what keeps Daisy motivated and mutually cooperative?

The thought of TarkenHawk the Cable Guy.

Thanks Chris!

* Update: We at Predator Press regret to inform you that as of immediately after posting this, the pastrami sandwich was technically no longer with us.


[Editor's note] You done re-writing this thing yet? hehe

[Author's note] I worked on the Chris Wood interview for a month!

Monday, August 9, 2010

This Draft is Mocking Me! Part Two

"You've got Spark Shot and Dallas Clark..."

We move onto the phase of the mock draft experiment where the mad scientists employed by Renal Failure test out Version One of our preferred draft list (aka: The People's Draft List) through the team of Yahoo! AutoDraft robots who can make or break our season.

Test One: Ten team league. Positions: QB, 2 RB, 3 WR, 1 TE, 1 DEF/ST, 1 K, 6 bench. Starting draft position: 4th. Alternating to the 7th in even-numbered rounds.

1. Drew Brees (NO - QB)
2. Ryan Grant (GB - RB)
3. Jamaal Charles (KC - RB)
4. Dallas Clark (Ind - TE)
5. Mike Sims-Walker (Jac - WR)
6. Baltimore (Bal - DEF)
7. Terrell Owens (Cin - WR)
8. Nate Kaeding (SD - K)
9. T.J. Houshmandzadeh (Sea - WR)
10. Reggie Bush (NO - RB)
11. Carson Palmer (Cin - QB)
12. New Orleans (NO - DEF)
13. Bernard Berrian (Min - WR)
14. Mohamed Massaquoi (Cle - WR)
15. Marcedes Lewis (Jac - TE)

An excellent draft. Top tier QB and TE with Brees and Clark. High quality RB's in Grant and Charles and good depth at WR. And in total Wild Card fashion we have the top scoring kicker of the 2009 Fantasy Season in Kaeding, as well as netting two good DEF/ST squads. Grade: B

Test Two: Ten team league, same positions, this time our starting draft position is 9th, alternating to 2nd in even-numbered rounds.

1. Drew Brees (NO - QB)
2. Steven Jackson (StL - RB)
3. Jamaal Charles (KC - RB)
4. Dallas Clark (Ind - TE)
5. Mike Sims-Walker (Jac - WR)
6. Wes Welker (NE - WR)
7. Baltimore (Bal - DEF)
8. Nate Kaeding (SD - K)
9. Bernard Berrian (Min - WR)
10. Fred Jackson (Buf - RB)
11. David Akers (Phi - K)
12. Kellen Winslow (TB - TE)
13. Kenny Britt (Ten - WR)
14. Johnny Knox (Chi - WR)
15. Vince Young (Ten - QB)

Again, we score Drew Brees and Dallas Clark again, and arguably improve our running back situation with again getting Jamal Charles and swapping in Stephen Jackson for Ryan Grant, and adding Fred Jackson for depth. Sims-Walker shows up again at WR, but this time is joined by the awesome Wes Welker, but depth at the position is iffy. Berrian's okay but we'd probably dump Knox and Britt before Week One. And by the time the bye week for Brees came around (Week 10) we would likely have found a better QB than Vince Young. Kaeding returns, paired with another traditionally high-scoring kicker David Akers, and Baltimore always provides quality DEF/ST points. Grade: B+

Test Three: Ten team league, same positions, this time our starting draft position is 2nd, alternating to 9th in even-numbered rounds.

1. Adrian Peterson (Min - RB)
2. DeAngelo Williams (Car - RB)
3. Tom Brady (NE - QB)
4. Dallas Clark (Ind - TE)
5. Mike Sims-Walker (Jac - WR)
6. Baltimore (Bal - DEF)
7. Terrell Owens (Cin - WR)
8. Nate Kaeding (SD - K)
9. Bernard Berrian (Min - WR)
10. Carson Palmer (Cin - QB)
11. New Orleans (NO - DEF)
12. David Akers (Phi - K)
13. Marion Barber (Dal - RB)
14. Julian Edelman (NE - WR)
15. Antonio Bryant (Cin - WR)

Looks like we've figured out the formula for getting Dallas Clark, Nate Kaeding, Mike Sims-Walker, Terrell Owens, David Akers, and either the Baltimore or New Orleans DEF/ST (and Edelman shows up again too for some reason, who the hell is this guy?). The Top Three picks of Adrian Peterson, DeAngelo Williams, and the original "Orbital Bear Chucker" Tom Brady along with the added depth of Carson Palmer and Marion Barber make this our best auto-draft yet. Grade: A-

A few minor tweaks, the luck of a good draft position, and perhaps a few odd decisions from other teams and The People's Champion could possibly draft their way into being an actual champion this season.

---Renal Failure will lead the fight against the machines who ruin Fantasy Football seasons...

Sunday, August 8, 2010

This Draft is Mocking Me! Part One

"Run it again until we get Dallas Clark and Billy Cundiff, damn it!"

Springboarding off Chris's post about the Yahoo! auto-draft, we here at Renal Failure have gathered the maddest scientists we could find to run a little mock draft experiment to see if we've learned anything over the past two seasons when it comes to achieving maximum auto-draft success, or at the very least avoiding auto-draft catastrophe.

Our testing parameters for the first mock draft: Ten team league. Lineups consisting of QB, RB, RB, WR, WR, WR, TE, K, DEF/ST, and six bench spots. Autopick is on, using the Yahoo! suggested rankings. We modestly placed ourselves as the seventh pick, which alternated us to the next round as the fourth pick in even-numbered rounds. Here's how that went:

1. Andre Johnson (Hou - WR)
2. Rashard Mendenhall (Pit - RB)
3. Miles Austin (Dal - WR)
4. Jahvid Best (Det - RB)
5. Vernon Davis (SF - TE)
6. Brett Favre (Min - QB)
7. Jeremy Maclin (Phi - WR)
8. Minnesota (Min - DEF)
9. Garrett Hartley (NO - K)
10. Fred Jackson (Buf - RB)
11. Visanthe Shiancoe (Min - TE)
12. Donovan McNabb (Was - QB)
13. Eddie Royal (Den - WR)
14. Johnny Knox (Chi - WR)
15. Rian Lindell (Buf - K)

Not bad. Top tier WR's, something our teams in the past have lacked. Strong at TE. And two quality QB's. RB a little iffy though, very unlike our previous teams.

We decided to branch out in our second mock draft experiment, moving up to a 14-team draft, positions remaining the same, and still using the Yahoo! suggested rankings. We took the eighth pick, alternating us to the seventh pick in even-numbered rounds. Here are those results:

1. Andre Johnson (Hou - WR)
2. Roddy White (Atl - WR)
3. Jahvid Best (Det - RB)
4. Joseph Addai (Ind - RB)
5. Jeremy Maclin (Phi - WR)
6. Eli Manning (NYG - QB)
7. Visanthe Shiancoe (Min - TE)
8. Stephen Gostkowski (NE - K)
9. San Diego (SD - DEF)
10. Clinton Portis (Was - RB)
11. Julian Edelman (NE - WR)
12. Devin Thomas (Was - WR)
13. Matt Cassel (KC - QB)
14. Benjamin Watson (Cle - TE)
15. David Buehler (Dal - K)

Amazing one-two punch at WR and decent enough QB's for such a deep league. We hope Javhid Best is the second coming of Barry Sanders because he keeps popping up in the later early rounds to us. And how Jeremy Maclin keeps getting on our team we have no idea, but obviously Yahoo! is keen on him being on our roster.

In part two we'll go over our mock drafts using the super secret Renal Failure preferred player rankings to see if we can do better than random fate. And considering that Renal Failure is known throughout the Fantasy Football universe as The Wild Card (bitches!), that's some tasty irony right there.

---Renal Failure provides a full serving of vegetables every time you lose to him.

How the Autodraft Seems to Work

For some the Yahoo autodraft seems like a fantasy football version of Dante's Inferno.

But there is a method to its madness. Here is what I think happens based on the parameters of the system and from results of previous drafts.

Oh, one important ground rule to note: the autodraft has to fill the starting lineup by the end of round 8, occasionally round 9.There is no way around tight ends, kickers, and defenses being picked early.

Rounds 1-2: Autodraft picks best players from list. Sometimes both are running backs or wideouts but it's best-available. It will only pick a kicker, tight end, or defense in these rounds if you have one ranked as the highest-avail player when it is your turn.

Rounds 3-5: Computer picks best players from list excluding starting positions filled already. It will only pick a kicker, tight end, or defense in these rounds if you have one ranked as the highest-avail player when it is your turn.

Rounds 6-8: Autodraft usually picks tight end in the 6th, defense in the 7th, then kicker in the 8th. If one of the positions is already filled by round 6, then the computer will pick whatever three positions are left but it will maintain the same order.

For example: You picked TE Dallas Clark in round 4 but didn't pick a QB by round six. The autodraft would pick a QB in round 6, defense in the 7th, then kicker in the 8th. 

Sometimes the computer picks a bench player in round 8, and the defense in round 9.

Rounds 9-14: Autodraft picks backups excluding positions already full.

Rounds 15-16: Autodraft picks backup defense and kickers. This only happens if the positions are not full already.

My conclusions?

-Put all your kickers and defenses, except the few you want the autodraft to choose in rounds 7-8 in the 150-170 ranking level.

-Make sure your rankings for the top 50 (first five rounds) are solid because these are the ones you have the most control over. Once the tight ends, kickers, and defenses enter the mix in round 6 a bit of that control is lost.

-The autodraft format of picking the starting lineup first seems to be a way to level the playing field when in reality it simply moves the depth-picking part of the draft back three rounds.

-While in most cases the defenses and kickers drafted in rounds 6-8 will not be the same ones down the road for fantasy teams you still want to try and get one of the highest-ranked since you have to pick them early. Might as well make the pick count. Or try to.

Do you have any observations about the Yahoo autodraft? Leave them in the comments below...

Friday, August 6, 2010

2010 FF Offseason Report

Like in 2009, the HBFFL officially kicks off the 2010 fantasy football season with our look at the before-time that is the offseason...

Brett Favre Works Out With High School Team Again…Retires Again…Denies it Again…

As the quarterback turns. The only thing missing from this soap opera is the bad lighting.

Oh, and add a few more records to Favre’s amazing list:

-most times worked out with high school team: 2
-most times retired: 4
-most times denied being retired: 4
-most times returned from retirement: 3*

*Player still active in category.

Everyone in Fantasy Football Had Ray Rice On Their Team

 One thing I noticed in the fantasy football forums in the offseason was how everyone and their mother either drafted Ray Rice or picked him up on the waiver wire.

Somehow everyone won their league with the same player too. Weird.

Terrell Owens Signs with Cincinnati; ESPN Drools

Owens is now lined up opposite Ocho Cinco, who wasted no time in getting his own name above the fold with contract talk just a day after the signing. If they are already battling for media attention in July you can just imagine how the season will be.

ESPN thought the signing was so amazing that they even posed the question of which combo would be bigger, the Owens/Ocho duo or the Big Three on the Heat.

Yeah, it was a slow news week.

What is your big news of the 2010 offseason? Leave your answers in the comments below...