Sunday, February 6, 2011

2011 NFL Playoff Prediction Battle Super Bowl Edition

Time for the final edition of our not-world-famous NFL Playoff Prediction battle, the Super Bowl version. We even have a cool commercial that we ripped off from that thing the kids call the internet.

Going into the finale Renal Failure is 2-8, and myself and Unfinished Rambler are tied at 6-4.

The battle of wits has begun Rambler. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right... and who is dead.

2011 Super Bowl: Green Bay Packers vs. Pittsburgh Steelers

RF- Okay... so this was a bad year for picking playoff winners for your People's Champion, but we've still got those shiny 2011 HBFFL and FTWL trophies making us feel better. But we at Renal Failure are fighters and we'll play out the string because we don't know how to quit. Just ask our beleaguered Alcohol Anonymous sponsor.

We're going with Green Bay for the Super Bowl so that Aaron Rodgers can declare that he defeated a dog murderer and a rapist to win his first Super Bowl, something that Brett Favre never did. This will make A-Rodg the greatest Packer QB of all time and erase Favre from everyone's memories, like how Marty McFly's family members started disappearing from that photo in Back to the Future.

But our morbid side would like to see the Steelers win just so Big Ben can say that he's going to DisneyWorld. And then within a week we'll have a story about how Big Ben dragged Cinderella and Daisy Duck into a Magic Kingdom bathroom and made them service him. There's a story to have lingering in your mind during the lockout.

And just because we can, we're going to predict that Philadelphia will beat Los Angeles in the Lingerie Bowl during halftime. And that the real winners of the Puppy Bowl VII will be the Kitten Halftime Show, because cats rule.

(Ed note: I think Renal Failure picked Green Bay)

UR- I'm not sure how to pick this one. Should I go with the experts? If so, the overwhelming favorite, according to experts polled by ESPN, is the Packers, so I should choose the Packers. In the past, I have chosen winners by mascots or cheerleaders, and this year I thought about choosing the winner by the number of major arrests each team has had since 2000 and going with the team with the smaller number of arrests than the other team since the team with the number of smaller arrests than the other would have the moral high ground.

Or I thought conversely maybe I should go with the team with the higher number of arrests because they're real "bruisers," in some cases, literally. However, the Steelers hold only a slight edge to the Packers by 16-11 in that category, so I can't go with the moral superiority of one team over another. So how do I choose?

I had Aaron Rodgers as my quarterback on both of my fantasy football teams -- but I'm an old school Steeler fan (loved Terry Bradshaw, Lynn Swann, Franco Harris). However, this new school of Steelers, especially Ben Roethlisraper, aren't my favorite group of players and I have no one player that I particularly like. In fact, a lot of times, I think -- and I hate to say this, but I think it's true -- the new school of Steelers come across as a bunch of assholes.

However, that's not the (only) reason I'm going to pick against the Steelers. The reason I'm picking against the Steelers is Aaron Rodgers, whom I think is about to usher in a new era of Super Bowl championships for the Packers -- and Clay Matthews on defense. This will come down to a key turnover, which will be instigated by Matthews, and Roethlisraper is prone to making the big interceptions. This is not the place to make them, but he will.

Packers 27, Steelers 23

Chris- With the Packers ahead by a score, the Steelers moving the ball on offense, and three minutes left in regulation, Mike McCarthy breaks out the "Dirty Time" gimmick play on a 3rd-and-one situation. A Packers player, dressed as a cheerleader runs onto the field right after the snap. Big Ben sees the fake cheerleader, fumbles the ball, and gives chase, cornering "her" in a Porta-Potty on the sidelines.

Green Bay wins 34-28.