Tuesday Morning QB: Anyone, anyone, anyone? Yes, ANYONE!

Welcome to Tuesday Morning Quarterback, where I take a look back at what I (and sometimes others) would have (could have/should have) done differently with my (their) fantasy football teams for that previous week's games. 

As I had the highest score of any team in the league this season with 155 this week, and again I FUCKING ROCK (yawwwwn), I turn my attention in particular to two losers: Troi with his Future Ex-Cons squad and LOBO with his Predator Press squad.

Both lost and it should be no surprise as they didn't even take players off their starting lineup that they should have taken off and replaced them with players...well, players who actually PLAYED.

It is especially evident with Troi, who still had LeSean McCoy in his starting lineup, even though McCoy was out with a concussion. Troi lost by a mere three points, 80-77, to Delusion of Adequacy. Put ANYONE in there for Odin's sake and you would have won.

As for LOBO, the defending HBFFL champion (seemingly in name only, not in reality) he still had Darren McFadden in his starting lineup and worse yet, Titus Young still on his roster. Go pick up ANYONE for even Baldur's sake off the waiver wire. Give yourself a fighting chance.

Yes, ANYONE!!!!

Tuesday Morning QB: There's an app for that, loser!

Welcome to Tuesday Morning Quarterback, where I take a look back at what I (and sometimes others) would have (could have/should have) done differently with my (their) fantasy football teams for that previous week's games. 

Well, this week again I'm not going to look back at what I could have done differently, because I still won...although this week by a mere 7 points and putting up a measly 88 points. So I don't FUCKING ROCK. I just rock, but still rock in first place nonetheless.

However, I am going to look back at what my opponent, Troi with his Future Ex-Cons, could have done differently.

One thing the California boi (see what I did there? clever, huh?) could have done differently: Put in a replacement running back for Alfred Morris who was on a bye.

Troi normally isn't an absentee owner, but this past week, I think he got distracted by being on vacation. See, I'm friends with him on Facebook and it looks like he and his wife went to Missouri to visit family.

What I also see is that he checks in an awfully lot on Foursquare. Dude is everywhere. He's eating (and drinking) at restaurants (and microbreweries), frolicking at parks and waiting at airports. What he's not doing is checking in on his fantasy football team...

...and it's so simple.

Because there's an app for that...

Yahoo! Fantasy Football '12 (pay attention to this link, my boi Troi) is available as an app both on Android and iPhone.

If only Troi had had the app on his phone and then used it...

...instead of losing 88-81, Troi could have won with any one of these three running backs who were available on the waiver wire: Danny Woodhead, Chris Ivory or Andre Brown. Personally, I would have gone with either Woodhead or Ivory, but any of the three would have given Troi the victory.

But nooooo, he left bye-week Morris in and got defeated by a weak 7 points.

Don't let something similar happen to you...whatever fantasy league in, I'm sure there is an app for your league. Get it and don't be a loser like Troi.

Tuesday Morning QB: Watch the waiver wire!

Welcome to Tuesday Morning Quarterback, where I take a look back at what I (and sometimes others) would have (could have/should have) done differently with my (their) fantasy football teams for that previous week's games. 

Well, this week again I'm not going to look back at what I could have done differently, because to put it quite bluntly, I STILL FUCKING ROCK!

Instead, I'm going to turn my attention to Joe O. of the Bourbon Blasters who lost 56-74 to the Future Ex-Cons.

Joe picked up two running backs off the waiver wire last week: the Steelers' Isaac Redman and the Texans' Justin Forsett, all well and good. They both were nice waiver wire picks, considering that the Steelers' Rashard Mendenhall and Jonathan Dwyer were on the bench and that the Texans' Ben Tate also was on the bench.

In Joe's defense, he does a great job at making picks off the waiver wire week in and week out. Lesson for all of us: Watch the waiver wire!

However, when it came to putting the right one into the lineup, Joe failed. Why? He placed Forsett, a backup to Arian Foster, in the running back slot instead of Redman, who was a backup to no one. Redman naturally rocked with 25 points; Forsett didn't, with ZERO points. If only Joe had played Redman, Joe would have won 81-74.

Lesson for all of us: Play the right guy off the waiver wire and, in the process,...

Tuesday Morning QB: If ONLY...

Welcome to Tuesday Morning Quarterback, where I take a look back at what I (and sometimes others) would have (could have/should have) done differently with my (their) fantasy football teams for that previous week's games.

All it takes is one mistake.

Sometimes it comes on the front end; sometimes on the back end. For me, my error happened on the front end, but just as easily could have been on the back end.

It all began Thursday night. I had just gotten out of work. It was 8:15 p.m. and I wasn't thinking. I had a cold.

If ONLY paramedics had come to my house, maybe they could have saved me from my fate.

But alas they didn't and by 8:20, I already had lost this week's HBFFL game to Joe O's Bourbon Blasters; only the score had to be determined. That score would be 119 to 117. I left Seattle wide receiver Sidney Rice in at flex when I should have switched him out for one of three players: St. Louis running back Steven Jackson, New Orleans running back Darren Sproles or Oakland wide receiver Denarius Moore.

Rice only scored three fantasy points while Jackson and Sproles each scored 11, and Moore, 9.

I had forgotten a cardinal rule of fantasy football: recheck your lineup before Thursday night's game to see if there are any changes that need to be made. With Rice going up against the San Francisco defense, that is a change that definitely should have been made. To be honest, I probably would have gone with Moore, because I haven't been getting much from Jackson or Sproles and Moore has been on a roll.

But I didn't and for my transgression I paid heavily.

In the other league in which I play I made my crucial switch on the back end, only an hour and half before the start of Sunday afternoon's games, as I dropped San Francisco quarterback Alex Smith for Tampa Bay QB Josh Freeman and then put Freeman in over Detroit QB Matthew Stafford. It paid off with Freeman rolling with 38 points; Stafford had 17.

I won there 100 to 69. I just as easily could have lost as I did here in the HBFFL.

I looked yesterday to see if Freeman was available in the HBFFL. He was.

If ONLY...

Tuesday Morning QB: Tom Fucking Brady!

Welcome to Tuesday Morning Quarterback, where I take a look back at what I (and sometimes others) would have (could have/should have) done differently with my (their) fantasy football teams for that previous week's games. 

While I could pick on Joe O's choice of Brian Hartline (5 fantasy points) over Percy Harvin (27 fantasy points, read them and weep, Texas cowboy) this week, I won't. Instead I have to single out one particular owner's QB choice. The owner is Renal Failure; his choice at QB, Robert Griffin III, who had an abysmal four fantasy points.

And who did RF leave on the bench?

Tom Fucking Brady, with 21 fantasy points, that's who.

So instead of winning 81-76 over Chris Cameron's Purple Drank squad, RF's squad lost 76-64. I admit RGIII has been looking good, but after Brady rolled last week with 40 fantasy points, I don't see how one could bench him. Not to mention that Brady is an elite quarterback and RGIII, as a rookie QB, is nowhere near that status.

Also if RF had played Brady and won, it would have been adding insult to injury because Chris is a huge Pats fan.

 It would have been like:

and at the hands of Tom Fucking Brady. Take that, biotch!"

Alas, because of RF's piss-poor QB decision-making, it wasn't to be.

The lesson here: Always play Tom Fucking Brady, no questions.

Tuesday Morning QB: A fighting chance at Flex

Welcome to Tuesday Morning Quarterback, where I take a look back at what I (and sometimes others) would have (could have/should have) done differently with my (their) fantasy football teams for that previous week's games.

This week I only have one quibble with one team manager in our league and that is Bryan of Bald Spots, whom I have picked on previously, but can't help myself when the dude continues to make dumbass moves...or, as in the case this week, doesn't make any moves. In the process, he left 122 fantasy points on the bench.

I could pick on him for not moving either Andrew Luck or Eli Manning into the QB position over Alex Smith this week, with both Luck and Manning outscoring Smith, Luck especially with 20 more fantasy points even in a loss. That certainly contributed to his 116-90 loss to LOBO's Predator Press (who amazingly left 113 points on the bench, but still won, in no small part aided by Bryan's dumbass moves...or, as in the case this week, lack of moves, dumbass).

However, I want to single him out particularly for his lack of movement at the flex position from Week 2 to Week 3, and thus not giving himself a fighting chance. In Week 2, he chose Randy Moss and left Moss in there with Michael Turner AND DeAngelo Williams on the bench. Yes, it was Torrey Smith, at wide receiver, who unexpectedly exploded and would have been the ideal flex play for Bryan this week, but I think I would have gone with the proven experience of either of the two running backs.

Either one of those moves, in most weeks, would have given Bryan a fighting chance, and that's really what it comes down to: picking the players, especially at the flex position, who give you a fighting chance. What doesn't help is not even looking at your lineup before the next week, which is what I imagine happened with Bryan and what sometimes happens to all of us. But all it takes is two minutes, folks.

You'll see something like this:

Then it's easy-peasy to insert either Turner or Williams into the lineup and give yourself yes, that fighting chance you so richly deserve.

Image courtesy of Atom Smasher

Tuesday Morning QB: Canadians, eh...no question mark

Yes, Canadians, best known for hockey and curling...

 ...they really shouldn't play football.

To wit (or not too witty really when you think about it), this past weekend the two Canadians in our league, Canucklehead and nonamedufus, left a total of 236 points on their benches. Canucklehead left 133 points as he lost 105-71 to Joe; nonames, 103, 83-56 to me.

In Canucklehead's defense, even though he gave up the (much) larger portion of points I would have chosen most of the players he did too: Stafford over Rivers, Andre Johnson over Miles Austin and the Giants D over the Bills D. I would have played Ahmad Bradshaw in the flex spot over Tampa Bay's Mike Williams too. Even not choosing McGahee over Forte or Bradshaw wouldn't have been a bad choice under normal circumstances. How was he to know that Forte and Bradshaw would be injured? So I can't really fault him for much of anything other than his being Canadian, which is bad enough.

But not to be a sore winner or anything, I can fault nonames. In particular, I have to single out his choice of Reggie Bush over Michael Bush. Admittedly, I picked up Michael in the other league in which I play, but to pick him against Reggie? Nyuh. Reggie had 26 carries for 174 yards and two touchdowns for a total of 38 fantasy points in our league, while Michael had 14 rushes for 54 yards for a mere 5 points.

No shit, Sherlock.

Now so that you don't think I'm being too cruel to nonames, in his defense, selecting Aaron Rodgers (14 fantasy points) over Big Ben (21) most weeks is a no-brainer.

However, picking James Jones (0 fantasy points) over Victor Cruz (30) is...well...a brainer...right upside the head. Jones is as of yet an unproven quantity; Cruz, already a proven ass-kicker.

Sheesus, Canadians.

Keep your sticks on the ice already.

Tuesday Morning QB: Four numbnuts, three QBs, two kickers, one GRONK!

Welcome to Tuesday Morning Quarterback, where I take a look back at what I (and sometimes others) would have (could have/should have) done differently with my (their) fantasy football teams for that previous week's games.


Since this week I was almost fucking perfect in my selections this week and having scored the highest number of points this week among all the teams with 131 points, I'm going to look back at what the other managers could have done differently with their teams.

I only have one bone to pick with one manager for this week's games and that's with my opponent Troi who chose to use for his defense for his Future Ex-Cons the Detroit Lions instead of the New York Jets. The Jets D destroyed with 20 points; the Lions D piddled out a mere THREE points.

Speaking of THREE, I'm going to look back specifically at the draft, where I have to give a special shout out to Bryan who picked up THREE quarterbacks for his Bald Spots team. As if that isn't bad enough, his selections were, maybe with the exception of the first one, atrocious.

He started out all right with Eli Manning in the second round as the eight pick, but then holy shit did he go down hill as he then selected Andrew Luck in the eighth round as the eighth pick and finally Alex Smith in the 16th round with the eighth pick. The sad thing is he still has ALL THREE on his roster when I looked tonight. I hope he plans on ditching one or two of them soon and if he wants to ditch Manning to see what kind of luck (pun intended) he'll have with the other two, I'll be glad to pick up Manning.

The rest of the managers, to be honest, didn't fare too badly with their choice in QBs, but I have to give another shout out to four other managers who picked not just one kicker but TWO kickers (hey, at least, they didn't pick THREE). The four numbnuts are the two Canadians, nonamedufus and Canucklehead, and LOBO and RaiderDad. Canucklehead takes the cake by picking two kickers as his last two picks with John Kasay and Adam Vinatieiri. Not to be outdone, nonamedufus chose both Janikowski and Gould. LOBO selected Akers and Bironas; finally RaiderDad, with Mason Crosby and Matt Bryant.

Why I call the four numbnuts "numbnuts" is because kickers are a dime a dozen. You don't get that many points from them. You can find one on the waiver wire for the bye week or switch out whenever you need to do so -- same with tight ends, for the most part, except for a few like Rob Gronkowski (whom, oh, yeah, I have too -- read this and weep, mofos!).


Yes, I left Chris, RF and Joe alone this time, but don't worry they will fuck up at some point over the next 15 remaining weeks. Guaranteed and when they do, I'll be there to Tuesday Morning QB the whole fiasco...and ahem, speaking of numbnuts (and not to leave myself out this week), what kind of manager picks another TE after already having Gronk on his squad? Um, yeah, that would be this guy (pointing at myself). At least, it was the last pick of the draft and wasn't Tim Tebow.

Tuesday Morning Quarterback: Thursday night games AND APYS

Welcome to Tuesday Morning Quarterback, where I take a look back at what I (and sometimes others) would have (could have/should have) done differently with my (their) fantasy football teams for that previous week's games.

I coulda been a contender...

...for this year's playoffs except for two things:

1. Me ignoring the Thursday night rule.
2. Chris ignoring the APYS (Always Play Your Stud) rule.

When you have a Thursday night game, make sure you get the wrong quarterback out of your lineup and the right one in.

For me, the wrong one:

I should have known not to play a dude with a lame-ass goatee.

And the right one:

 

original photo courtesy of Open Sports via Flickr, with a little adaptation by me

Nine points for Vincey Young vs. 22 points for Timmy Tebow. I coulda, woulda, shoulda won 83-81 over What The Canuck? Not lost 81-70 as I didda.

Now Chris' mistake wasn't as large a point mistake as mine, but it was just as crucial as it allowed Renal Failure, the self-proclaimed People's Defending Champion, to win 99-97 over Chris' Purple Drank squad and not help my playoff chances as a result. Chris played this guy:

Hell, I'd play the guy based on this photo.

Instead of this guy:

photo courtesy of The Suss-Man via Flickr

Dude is so quick. He's a blur.

LeGarrette Blount only scored one point to Michael Turner's four points, but as even a fifth grader can tell you, four is more than one and in this case would have given Chris the one-point victory over RF, 100-99. Plus you never sit your studs.

Not sure how to find a stud...or even your studfinder? How about this?

comic via xkcd.com

For next time, Chris.

Tuesday Morning Quarter: Flop Eagles Flop

Welcome to Tuesday Morning Quarterback, where I take a look back at what I (and sometimes others) would have (could have/should have) done differently with my (their) fantasy football teams for that previous week's games.


Playing Purple Drank, I should have known better to drink any drank Sunday morning, but I did...I drank the drink some of the talking sports heads, namely over at Yahoo Fantasy Live, were pouring about the Eagles, as perhaps some of you also did. As a result, I lost to Drank by a score of 107 to 94.

Specifically, I guzzled the green concoction about DeSean Jackson being declared inactive for Sunday afternoon's game against the Arizona Cardinals, and how others would benefit: namely Jason Avant and Brent Celek. Immediately, I placed them in starting positions alongside quarterback Michael Vick. I mean, I had Tim Tebow on the bench. I couldn't have a prayer with him, could I? It's like he has some kind of inside track with God, right?

original photo courtesy of Open Sports via Flickr, with a little adaptation by me

True, Celek had 5 fantasy points to Owen Daniels' 3 on the bench, but still I expected more...like at least a touchdown against the putrid Arizona Cardinals. However, Avant was the one who really disappointed with his 0 fantasy points and not to be left out of any of this was Vick who ended the afternoon with 9 fantasy points where he was projected to have 23 by Yahoo (of course, dude had a legitimate excuse with two broken ribs).

...and at least, Avant almost got a touchdown, but as everyone knows almost doesn't count in football and tiddlywinks (okay, almost might count in tiddlywinks, but I'll leave that for the North American Tiddlywinks Association to decide). I should have just gone with the Saints' Marques Colston, who has been solid, if not inspiring. Even though he or a ball he was carrying didn't cross the goal line or the pylon, he still managed 16 fantasy points on eight grabs for 113 yards -- and, to boot, his team won.

All this might, just might, have been avoided if DeSean Jackon had gone to a special teams practice on Saturday. That was the reason he was declared inactive. However, if anything Philadelphia fans have learned over the years, it is this: Practice? It's no big deal. After all, it's not a game.

Tuesday Morning Quarterback: Play the gimp

Welcome to Tuesday Morning Quarterback, where I take a look back at what I (and sometimes others) would have (could have/should have) done differently with my (their) fantasy football teams for that previous week's games.

Last week, my advice was to play a defense that has no chance in hell of scoring any points to get yourself to a win. This week, my advice is just as trenchant: play the gimp.

Example No. 1: Julio Jones. His legal name is Quintorris Lopez Jones, with Quintorris meaning "gladiator," and that he was on Sunday as he went off on three passes for 131 yards and two touchdowns, the first two in his career, and a total of 37 fantasy points. Dude, better known as JLo to his close friends, was coming off a hamstring injury and if you had him on your bench this past weekend, you didn't have a fighting chance.

Example No. 2, and more importantly (well, to me anyway as he was sitting on my bench as I lost 83-69 to Future Ex-Cons), Willis McGahee or Willis Andrew McGahee III, if you're nasty. Like Jones, McGahee also tallied a pair of touchdowns but on 20 carries for 163 yards. He had 35 fantasy points. His injury? A broken right hand or what doctors call "a boxer's fracture."

So based on my own advice, in week 10, I will be playing both Felix Jones (high ankle sprain) and Jahvid Best (concussion) off of my bench and I will crush Purple Drank like a pop can.

You can go for my underarm, Purple Drank. I will go for the jaw.

Tuesday Morning Quarterback: How to get the last laugh

Welcome to Tuesday Morning Quarterback, where I take a look back at what I (and sometimes others) would have (could have/should have) done differently with my (their) fantasy football teams for that previous week's games.


Say you're at the bottom of your league...or even say you're the top dog and just want to continue being the top dog, what can you do to pull yourself out of the basement into the light...or keep yourself at the top of the heap?

Play a defense that has no chance of hell of scoring any points and play them. Say the St. Louis Rams playing against the New Orleans Saints.

Before this weekend, you'd laugh me out of the Edward Jones Dome. It wouldn't be the first time that someone got guffawed out, and certainly won't be the last time that someone gets heckled out, of "The Ed" as locals like to call it. According to Wikipedia, from 2011 through 2013, the dome will host the world championships of an international high school robotics competition and the world championships of an international elementary school Lego robotics competition. You can't tell me there's going to be major laughing out of the dome there.

Back to the laughing out in the present or what should have been laughing out this past weekend: The Rams D was projected to score 3 points (I don't know how many actually, but I can imagine that it wasn't a hell of a lot) in fantasy against the vaunted Saints offense. Instead, the Rams D scored six times as much with 18 fantasy points.

Instead of picking the Rams D up, Chris Cameron, top dog in our league, played the Chiefs D, which scored a respectable 11 fantasy points, and his Purple Drank lost 99-96 to Troi's Future Ex-Cons. He could have won 103-96 but no, he didn't...and you know where he is now because of that loss?

Nowhere different. He's still the top dog...

...who's got the last laugh now? Yep, he does.

Bastard.

Tuesday Morning QB: Don't call it a comeback...

...because it wasn't. I led the entire way and despite my mistake of playing a sleeper (Isaac Redman for 5 fantasy points) in place of the tried and true (either Jahvid Best with 29 fantasy points or Willis McGahee, 19), I still pulled off the victory 101-92 over Renal Failure.

It might have been a TKO, but it still was a KO.

Not that RF didn't try to mount the comeback, which sounds sort of dirty if you think about it too much, you perverts. Coming into last night's Lions-Bears game, he only had 59 points, but thanks to a mega-26 points from Megatron, off five receptions for 130 yards, and seven from Robbie Gould, RF got close but it was no cigar.

 RF does own a copy of Joe Dirt on DVD. Sad but true.

Next week's opponent is LOBO with his Predator Press squad. I think he also owns a copy of Joe Dirt but on VHS.

Tuesday Morning QB: Just One Move

Welcome to Tuesday Morning Quarterback, where I take a look back at what I (and sometimes others) would have (could have/should have) done differently with my (their) fantasy football teams for that previous week's games.

As for the others in this league, with three out of the four other games decided by 50-point margins and one decided by 10 points with a manager who had no one on the bench who did any better, there is nothing they could have done differently to avoid being royally screwed.

What I found via Flickr (thefixer) when I looked up "royally screwed" for an image to use and seems to fit so well except the part about "never give up."

With the game between me and Bald Spots being decided by only one point, with me being the frog in this case, to the tune of 82-81, I basically had just one move I could have played differently that would have made me the snake...

...I could have played Denver running back Willis McGahee, who had 22 carries for 52 yards and three catches for two yards and a touchdown against Tennessee, for 11 points over Detroit running back Jahvid Best, who had 12 carries for 14 yards but redeemed himself in the receiving category with five receptions for 74 yards, for eight points.

Sure, it only would have been a two-point win, 84-82, but at least, it would have been in my favor.

If you had to make just one move different on your fantasy football team's starting lineup this week, what move would YOU have made?

Tuesday Morning QB: The Walking Wounded

So what is it I/you would have done differently with my/you fantasy football team this past week if only I/you had had a crystal ball before this past weekend's games?

Um, duh!

We wouldn't have played the following players who became injured (including one who is out for the season) and would have looked for a replacement on the waiver wire or on our benches:

The last one, out of uniform and looking like a pimp daddy, is Braylon Edwards, who now plays for the San Francisco 49ers. I doubt the others need any introduction, and I know (hell to the no, sung to this song) that I don't need those first two introduced to me since they were the main reason I went down to defeat to rookie (and Canadian, no less -- turning my head to spit and then actually doing it) manager nonames by a tune of 127-92.

As if that wasn't bad enough, he had to use Jackson's teammate...this guy...



Of course, he's wearing a different uniform than he did in his college days, but this was the only photo labeled for reuse that I could find online that didn't have copyright restrictions. I'm not even going to bother to spit out his name, since I did my share of spitting earlier in this post. Instead, I'll let nonames chant his name in the comments like some warriors in a Mel Gibson movie since I already hear that abominable name ringing in my ears...

...they fought like Canadians and won their first game in the HBFFL.

From top to bottom, photos from Flickr, courtesy of: Hawk Eyes, RMTip21, The Brit_2, Hawk Eyes (again), Benjamin Chodroff and Wunderlich Photography.

So if you had that crystal ball, what would you have done differently this past weekend on YOUR fantasy football team?

Tuesday Morning QB: Where I beat a girl a second time this year

So what's it feel like to beat a girl twice in one year in fantasy football?



Yep. Like that, especially when this second time was just barely an escape by my Ramblers with a 119-109 win over Bex's Battling Butterflies.

Each of us had five players in double figures: she with Mike Wallace, Carson Palmer, DeSean Jackson, Marion Manningham and the Philadelphia Eagles defense; me with David Garrard, Mike Thomas, Frank Gore, Arian Foster and Dan Carpenter.

However, the key combo was David Garrard and Mike Thomas, with Garrard connecting up on a 50-yard Hail Mary pass to Thomas as time wound down and the Jaguars escaped the Texans 31-24. Garrard finished with 37 fantasy points; Thomas, 26. In contrast, her top two scorers were Mike Wallace with 30; Carson Palmer, 26. End of story.

I would write more about that amazing combo with Garrard and Thomas, but our league commissioner, Chris Cameron, already did here: The 30 Point Hail Mary Play.

photo courtesy of soozums on Flickr

For that, this Chris Cameron character will play. Unfortunately, I have to wait until Week 14 to exact my revenge and have to wade through Krap, Eunuchs and Bald Spots before I can do that.

But I will have my revenge...




And yes, it will sound just as ugly as that.

Tuesday Morning QB: Where I gambled against Battling Butterflies and still miraculously (snicker) won

As Kenny sings: "You got to know when to hold 'em. Know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away and know when to run."

This week in fantasy football, I didn't know any of the above as I gambled, but somehow still managed to pull off the win 72-51 over Bex's Battling Butterflies.

Aside: Battling Butterflies: What the hell kind of name is that? I swat you away, killer butterflies, with my butterfly-swatter named Aaron Rodgers.

The score should have been 138-72, if we both had played our "optimal lineup" according to Yahoo GameChannel/StatTracker.

This is where the gambling entered the picture, at least for me. For Bex, I think since she's a woman, it was just throwing darts at pictures on a wall to see who she played.

Photo courtesy of Quixado on Flickr:
I'm thinking the monkey would have fared better than Bex in this contest.

However, for me, I took a gamble on an old Cadillac:

photo courtesy of rocketvox on Flickr

And like the one pictured above, the Cadillac I played, Carnell "Cadillac" Williams was parked, with nine fantasy points. I'm in two leagues and have Arian Foster in both, so I thought I'd test to see how Williams did here in this league and Foster in the other. That was my gamble.

While I did win the game, I did lose the gamble. Arian Foster put up a monster 46 fantasy points as he and the Texans went off on the Colts.

The only two other players which I have in common on both teams now are Aaron Rodgers and Austin Collie. I think next week I'll play someone else instead of Collie, but I'm thinking I'll do it in that other league which shall not be named. Maybe it will be Dez Bryant. As for Rodgers, I don't think I'll gamble him with much, except in week 10.

Tune in for next week's Tuesday Morning QB after I play Static's Team Krapsody...and I thought Battling Butterflies was a team name of which I could make fun. Oh, I can't wait for this. Don't worry I won't go after Static's ethnicity like I did with Bex's gender. After all, most of my squad is made up of African-Americans, whereas I have no women on my team and so can feel free to make fun of them all I want. Plus whereas misogyny is considered funny, racism is not unless you're a member of the Tea Party.

Tuesday Morning QB: Auto-draft SUCKS, my team, though, only semi-sucks

Today begins another round of Tuesday Morning QB posts where I look back at the week and second-guess myself, and sometimes, if I'm feeling especially snarky, second-guess the other managers here at HBFFL.

The main second-guessing I have here this week, folks, is auto-drafting.

For those of you not familiar with the term, it’s where the computer picks the players on your team instead of doing an actual draft yourself.

To summarize, in two words, IT SUCKS.

I edited the rankings Yahoo gave us for the players for about the top 30 here at HBFFL and I really think it screwed up my team, with a few exceptions. With another league in which I’m participating, I only fooled around with the top five or so with the rankings and I ended up with a better team than I did here. I really don’t think editing rankings makes that much of a difference. At least, it didn’t for me.

Anyway, here are the players and defenses I ended up with for HBFFL from that draft:

QB Aaron Rodgers: Do I need to say more? Really?

WR Marques Colston: Eh. I could have done worse.

WR Steve Breaston: Okay, I did worse.

RB Frank Gore: Since I pushed him toward the top of my rankings, I’m happy with this pick. As soon as I saw Glen Coffee gave up football for Jesus, I thought to myself with emphasis on the first word, “Hell, yeah. Gotta get me some Frank Gore this year on my roster.”

RB Arian Foster: I also moved him up toward the top of my rankings, because of Brad Evans on Yahoo! Sports telling me I should. I hope you’re not wrong, Brad.

RB Beanie Wells: Not again. I had this dude last year, ditched him, then brought him back and wished I hadn’t because between him and Hightower, I couldn’t decide who to play. Argh. At least, I didn’t handcuff him with Hightower, then it would be hell again.

TE Brent Celek: Not bad. I’ll take him.

QB Matthew Stafford: Another of Brad Evans’ “mancrushes.”

RB Thomas Jones: Hands down, the most boring name on the roster. I think only a John Smith possibly could be worse. As for the player behind the name of Thomas Jones, I’ll wait and see.

K Ryan Longwell: Sure. Why not?

DEF New York, Cincinnati: I know hardly anything about defenses, so whatevs. Don’t be surprised if I ditch one later to pick up a player off the waiver wire or a free agent.



The players I ditched and for whom I ditched them

WR Kenny Britt for RB Carnell Williams: I had Britt for a brief moment last year and he did nothing for me. By virtue of Derrick Ward getting booted to the curb by the Bucs, I decided even an old Cadillac was better than having no Cadillac on my team.

photo courtesy of rocketvox on Flickr

K Dan Carpenter for WR Jabar Gaffney: I always can get another kicker off the waiver wire for Longwell’s bye week and since I’m weak at WR, I’ve heard good things about Gaffney from several sources, including Brad Evans, yes again.

WR Jacoby Jones for RB Kareem Huggins: This one is a gamble admittedly, but I don't know how much faith I have in an old Cadillac. Plus, of course, Brad Evans says Huggins is cool.

TE Dustin Keller for WR Austin Collie: Like Britt, I had Keller last year for a while and he did nothing for me and I figure I can find a suitable TE to replace Celek during his bye week.

So there you have it, my team thus far, and while auto-draft sucks, at least my team doesn’t totally suck.

For now, it semi-sucks.

As the season begins, I’ll take that as a good thing.

Tonight I'm gonna party like it's around 1780?

If only my opponent Joe, coach of the Defending Champion team, had played Falco (at least, that's what he said in a Yahoo chat on Sunday)...

oops, I think he meant Flacco, he might have had, at least, a fighting chance against me in our fifth-place consolation game.

Alas, he didn't.

Even if he had, he only would have tied me at 108-108 instead of the 108-106 score by which I did win, and I would have won on tiebreakers by having more touchdowns than he did: 7 to 4 per the rules in our league for tiebreakers.

But at least, he would have had a fighting chance...

...as it was, going into last night's Vikings-Bears game, my team was behind Joe's team 104-106.

All I needed was the Vikings to get an interception at least to tie the game. How hard could that be, especially against Jay Cutler, who had 25 entering last night's game? Or even a couple of sacks, with sacks being worth 1 point, one would think that wouldn't be hard.

Well, one would be...like this urinal...

See video at Gizmodo to see how wrong.

First quarter, Vikings D, 0. Second quarter, Vikings D, 0. Most of third quarter, Vikings D, 0 until...

with 1:12 left in the third quarter, Cutler was sacked, and I was within one, 105-106...then two plays later, finally the interception came, and I was ahead 107-106.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/wallrevolution/ / CC BY-SA 2.0

Finally finishing at 8-8, .500 and in fifth out of 10 places, I could dance like it was around 1780 and in Vienna.

No fingers this week, maybe next week

http://www.flickr.com/photos/luciuskwok/ / CC BY-SA 2.0

In case, you don't recognize the above photo, it's what I had for a late lunch yesterday: a roast duck sandwich as I defeated Team Duckgirl by a score of at least 142 to 92 (I couldn't stomach following the Giants-Redskins game any longer last night to see how little points Quinton Ganther finished with).

As of Sunday morning, though, I was down 50-0, as Tony Romo led her squad with 28 points, Jacksonsville's Mike Sims-Walker followed with 12 points, the Dallas D put up 10 points, and I looked like this:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/59866125@N00/ / CC BY-NC 2.0

Slowly but surely, though, I made a comeback, starting with of all people Randy Moss (no finger photos this week as per request of Joe - Defending Champion). Moss had five receptions for 70 yards and a touchdown for 13 points. Then my man, DeSean Jackson went off in Philly against the 'Niners with six passes for 140 yards and a touchdown for 25 points. Beanie Wells rumbled for a career-high 110 yards and a touchdown for 23 points.

Finally, my MVP, as usual, was Aaron Rodgers, who passed for 383 yards and three touchdowns to give my team a whopping 52 points. Plus an unexpected bonus: the Packers lost to my Steelers 37-36 after a miraculous comeback by Big Ben and the boys.

If only I had played Jonathan Stewart, who exploded for 109 yards rushing and a touchdown on 25 carries for 28 points, I would have had at least a whopping 168 points. However, I don't feel that it really was that bad after reading in this article on Yahoo that his performance snapped "Minnesota’s streak of 36 games without allowing a 100-yard rusher." No one could have predicted his breakout performance, or that DeAngelo Williams, the starter, would go out with an ankle injury in the first quarter.

Instead, I played Quinton Ganther...who at this point (writing this at 10:27 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, but scheduling this post for later)...had two points. Maybe I'll be giving him those fingers tomorrow that I normally reserve for Randy Moss in the past (again, don't worry, Joe, no finger photos).

Next week I face Defending Champion who I have defeated twice, first in week 3 by a score of 115-48, then in week 12, 93-89. This time I think it will be even closer with Joe making some great acquisitions as he has gone throughout the season and Big Ben beginning to look like his old self. Plus he has Chris Johnson. I have a feeling unless one of my guys has a breakout game, I'm going to be posting a Monday Morning QB post instead and hopefully in defeat, I'll once again find my sense of humor, which for some reason I seem to have lost this week.