Thursday, December 13, 2012

The People's Week 15: Breaking Bland

by Renal Failure


There's only one way to end a poor season... with a needless tie!

Dear Chris C. and your Purple Drank,

With our 88-88 tie in Week 14, the People request that you send their Champion Renal Failure a Christmas card thanking us for your making the playoffs in 2012.  The People want you to thank us for starting RGIII (19 points) instead of Tom Brady (32pts) and to thank RGIII's knee for giving out during the pivotal drive of the Skins/Ravens game where him scoring a touchdown was inevitable.

The People also want you to thank us for starting Greg Jennings (2pts) instead of one of other WR's like Dwayne Bowe (7pts) or Davone Bess (5pts).  You are also requested to thank us for going with CJ Spiller (4pts) instead of BenJarvis Green-Ellis (9pts).  If we had chosen any differently, you drop to 7-7 and lose the tiebreaker to Bourbon Blasters.  Instead you reach the playoffs with a 7-6-1 record, beating out Joe for that last spot the same way we denied NoNames' last year, so you're not even being original.  The People demand an apology for that too.

As for the massive amount of points you left on your bench, well, we'll forgive you for that. The People's Champion does have magnanimous side after all.


You said we should watch out for Bryce Brown, and he didn't do shit!  YOU LIED TO US, CHRIS!

You might also want to write yourself an apology note for starting Bryce Brown instead of CJ2K because the Bryce was not right on Sunday.  Goose egg!  Was he doing impression of our WR corps from earlier in the season or something?  We've chosen wrong a lot with our QB situation but at least both RGIII and Tom Brady are certified orbital bear chuckers (and the top two scoring QB's in the HBFFL).  Bryce Brown is a rookie with proven butterfingers going against a strong Buccaneer run defense. If you were going to bet your season on a member of the Philadelphia Eagles, it should have been Nick Foles to replace Andy Dalton (12th on the QB scoring list).

But it worked out for you, Chris.  You came out Week 14 without a win but without a loss, and for that you will march into the playoffs to meet top-seeded Unfinished Person (10-4).  If you can't beat a hobbled Renal Failure, what chance do you think you will have against the highest scoring team in HBFFL history (1509 points for UP - beating 2009's Renal Failure 1481)?  UP's weakness is the QB position, but it's stronger than Purple Drank's collective, plus Josh Freeman and Vincent Jackson have nice matchups vs. the Saints. Also UP's Arian Foster who will be looking to bounce back after a bad Monday night vs. the Patriots. It's not looking to be a fun week for Chris and the Drank.


This is how Renal Failure feels about their HBFFL 2012 season...

But despite Chris's ingratitude, he did have a much better season than the People's Champ Renal Failure, which is why he's in the playoffs and we're in the consolation bracket vs. the scorned 5th place Bourbon Blasters. Because of our tie, we floated into 8th place in the standings above NoNames and Bald Spots (both 5-9). Joining us in the consolation bracket is 7th place What the Canuck (6-8)? and 6th place Predator Press (7-7 - see, told ya no one makes the playoffs in the HBFFL with 7 losses, not like you would have won the tie-breaker anyway).

In the actual playoffs, it's UP vs. Drank and Delusions of Adequacy (9-5) vs. Future Ex-Cons (8-6).  Troi's Ex-Cons seem to be the most unlikely team to have made the playoffs, considering they scored 3 less points than your People's Champion yet have three more wins to show for their efforts.  Strange world this fantasy football is.  Delusions has a nice 1-2 RB punch with Ray Rice and Stevan Ridley, and with Carson Palmer slinging the rock against a bad Chiefs team, it's likely we're going to be a good day for the Delusions squad.

So we're predicting a Delusions vs. Unfinished Person for HUMOR BOWL V... which probably means it will be a Drank vs. Ex-Cons championship game.  We'll find out if we've got our prognostication muscles back in shape, or if we're just bullshitting as usual.

Renal Failure is the 2010 HBFFL champion, as well as the HBFFL runner-up in 2009 and 2011. Renal Failure won their two playoff games this week, one in an 8-team league and the other in a 12-team league so something is still okay in the world of fantasy football's People's Champ.


Thursday, December 6, 2012

The People's Week 14: Crawling to the Finish Line

by Renal Failure


Another team's playoff hopes crippled by your People's Champion...

Renal Failure racks up another meaningless victory for the People, defeating What The Canuck? for the 2nd time this season with a 97-80 win and delivering a heavy blow to Canucklehead's playoff chances by dropping him to 6-7 (because no team has gotten into the HBFFL playoffs with 7 losses). Your People's Champ was well-served by Josh Gordon's 24-point day and supported by the 15-point performances by Trent Richardson, C.J. Spiller, and Jason Witten.  RGIII had a pedestrian 19-point day to seal the victory for the Failure.

Canucklehead was ill-served by Andre Johnson and Reggie Wayne's 5-points. Vernon Davis continues to struggle at the TE position with a 1-point day (matching our Davone Bess).  Matt Stafford made it competitive with a 28-point game vs Indy but it wasn't enough to save his Week 13 and his playoff hopes.


Canada is 1-3 vs. The People's Champion in 2012.  Go tell you troubles to the Queen!

Fortunately for Canuck, it's not over yet because this has been a rough season for a lot of teams in the HBFFL, and the massive pile-up in the middle of the standings has given teams one last shot at redemption. Canuck, Bourbon Blasters, and Predator Press sit at 6-7.  Just above them for the last two spots in the playoffs are Purple Drank and Future Ex-Cons at 7-6.  A loss by either Chris C.'s Purple Drank or Troi's Ex-Cons in Week 14 opens the door for one of the 6-7 teams a chance to sneak in, provided they win their own Week 14 game and win the points tie-breaker. Let's look at each team's chances...

What the Canuck? plays Future Ex-Cons.  A Canuck win would eliminate Ex-Cons because Troi's squad is 32 points behind Canuck. In fact, Troi has the 2nd-least amount of points out of the teams with a playoff chance so either Troi wins or he's pretty much a goner from the playoffs. 

Bourbon Blasters has the most points of the 6-7 teams, but they're playing a Bald Spots squad that has caught fire with Adrian Peterson and Megatron throwing bears into orbit late in the season. But if Joe's team can pull out a win, they'll be in the best position to win a tie-breaker, provided either Ex-Cons or Purple Drank loses.

Predator Press is... fucked.  No, really. It's the most accurate term for their situation. They're playing number one seed Unfinished Person, the highest scoring team in the HBFFL, and they have the least amount of points out of the contending teams so their chances of winning a tie-breaker is non-existent (they're 122 points behind Bourbon Blasters, 59 behind Ex-Cons, 91 behind Canuck, and 86 behind Purple Drank).  So LOBO will not be repeating as HBFFL champ but he will be restoring the old trend of the HBFFL champion missing the playoffs the season after winning it all (a trend your People's Champ broke last year by making the playoffs and almost repeating as champion - if only Tony Romo didn't break his damn hand during the our Week 16 championship game).


Sorry LOBO, but the facts don't lie... you're fucked six ways this Sunday...

Purple Drank may appear to be in the best position to make the playoffs, with their decent point total (only 5 behind Canuck, 36 behind Bourbon, and ahead of Troi by 27) and their scheduled Week 14 game against the last place team in the HBFFL: Renal Failure.  But appearances can be deceiving because two other teams are tied with your People's Champ at 5-8 at the bottom of the league standings - we're just 10th behind Bald Spots and NoNames because of our point-scoring troubles.

But it appears Renal Failure has found their scoring touch, which means bad news for Purple Drank who only beat us in 76-68 because RGIII got injured halfway through his game vs. Atlanta.  And now your People's Champ has momentum, winning not only two straight games but ruining the playoff chances of those two teams in the process.  Why not a hat trick of misery by Renal Failure, inflicting the same pain we've felt all season long? A Purple Drank lost with a Bourbon Blasters or What The Canuck? win could sink Chris's season.

Can Chris get big days from Beast Mode and CJ2K?  Will his decision to go with Andy Dalton at QB instead of making an offer to us for Tom Brady or RGIII spell his playoff doom?  Can Renal Failure escape the HBFFL basement - and who the hell will they play at QB this week?  Yahoo!'s calling for a Purple Drank win, but ask Canuck and Nonamedufus what being projected to win these past few weeks against The Wild Card of Fantasy Football Renal Failure did for them?  

It's down to the wire here in the HBFFL, and a bunch of people are going to come out of it disappointed.

Renal Failure is The People Champion and The Wild Card (bitches!) of Fantasy Football. Week 14 starts our playoffs in our 12-man and 8-man leagues. The less said about our FTWL team the better. We consider that our experimental team, and a lot of our hypotheses this year have not worked out at all.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

I Got the Blahs!

Blah, blah, blah nonames lost blah, blah 111-74 to Future Ex-Cons. Future Ex-Cons blah, blah, blah, blah and blah, blah, blah in the win. With the loss nonames blah, blah. blah, blah, blah, especially blah blah, blah Rodgers and sadly slips to 8th spot. blah, blah, blah, blah. Coach dufus was quoted as blahing "what goes around comes around " blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, among other phrases we are unable to blah here.

This week blah, blah, blah, blah because nonames plays 2nd place Delusion of Adequacy at 8-5 and blah.

Just fuckin' shoot me, will ya?

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.


Thursday, November 29, 2012

The People's Week 13: Spoiler Alert!

by Renal Failure


Yeah, not making the playoffs hurts, but not as bad as not making the playoffs and living in Philadelphia...

The People have had little to celebrate this season, so they take whatever small amount of joy they can squeeze out of ruining Nonames attempts to make the playoffs with our 108-84 victory in Week 12. We didn't expect to win, except if RGIII threw a bear into outer space, which he did (40pts).  Tom Brady on our bench, however, threw up a 43-point bear vs. The Jets, so it's not like we can claim a great strategic victory by way of our starting lineup selection.  We were getting a 40+ point day from our QB no matter what.

Trent Richardson and CJ Spiller had passable 16 and 15 point days respectively.  Our pick-up of the St. Louis defense paid off huge with their 22 points vs. Arizona. Shaun Suisham outscored DeSean Jackson 2 to 0, and DJax had the decency after two-straight games without any points to go on Injured Reserve.  We didn't start BenJarvus Green-Ellis and he had a monster 22pts, which again if he had done this earlier in the season maybe we could have traded him for some value at WR and possibly salvaged something respectable out of this miserable season.


If our dreams of making the playoffs have been destroyed, so must yours!

Nonames had decent weeks from Doug Martin (18pts), AJ Green (15pts), and Reggie Bush (14pts), but Aaron Rodgers let him down with only 15pts vs. the Giants, a team that Andy Dalton had carved up earlier in the season for big pointage.  So it's not like there was much Nonamedufus could regret about this loss, only that he happened to play us on the first week we've breached the century mark in points since Week Four vs. What the Canuck?  We've only exceeded 100 points three times this season, twice vs. Canadian-based teams.  Apparently we have no mercy for our neighbors to the north, especially NoNames whose playoff dreams we've crushed for the 2nd straight season (he missed the playoffs barely last season because he was 8-6 and we were 8-5-1).

But this victory did not pull your People's Champion out of the HBFFL basement, as Bald Spots also dashed LOBO's dream of repeating as HBFFL champion with a win in Week 12 as well to drop him to 5-7.  As we've stated before, no team in the HBFFL has made the playoffs with a 7-7 record, and there's little reason to believe that will change.


This just in... there's two games left in the season...

Week 13 gives Renal Failure a chance to play spoiler again, this time against What the Canuck? who at 6-6 cannot afford that evil 7th loss if he has any aspirations for the playoffs, which we assume he has.  Luckily for Canucklehead, he's got Matty Stafford and Andre Johnson who have been on bear-chucking rolls lately.  Miles Austin has a great matchup vs. the hapless Eagles. Ahmad Bradshaw is rolling along nicely too.

Once again, the People's Champ will have to rely on RGIII to throw a bear into orbit for any hope of a Renal Failure victory, with help from the tandem of T-Rich and Spiller.  Perhaps new WR pickup Davone Bess can get our WR corps to actually score some decent points for a change.  Yahoo! gives the early edge to Canuck, but they did the same thing to NoNames last week and look where that got him: a one-way ticket out of the playoff hunt.

What about the teams that are still hammering it out for playoff spots?  Let them write their own damn posts about that.




Renal Failure is the 2010 HBFFL champion, and the HBFFL runner-up in 2009 and 2011. Renal Failure clinched a playoff spot in their 12-team league this week, so it's not all rainclouds and AIDS regarding our 2012.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

WTF?

A nonames projected blowout against Renal Failure was just not meant to be. RF downed us 108-84. How could the last place guy come away with such a win? Well you might remember RF blogged last week that...

"Yahoo!'s projecting a NoNames blowout, and there's little reason to doubt it. The Renal Roster has underperformed pretty much all season. The projection on NoNames' crew seems pretty reasonable. Maybe RGIII throws a mega-bear into space, that's pretty much our only hope here."

Well, guess what? RGIII threw that mega-bear to the tune of 40 fantasy points. Couple that with some underachieving nonames team members and it looks like our playoff hopes are pretty much dashed. Currently in 7th spot we'll never make the top 4 with only two regular season match ups to go.

This week we go up against 6th place Future Ex-Cons. Next week it's Delusion of Adequacy in 2nd spot. Yahoo projects nonames winning both contests but after this week we know how much stock we can put in Yahoo projections.

I think I can hear the fat lady singing.


Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Tuesday Morning QB: Anyone, anyone, anyone? Yes, ANYONE!

Welcome to Tuesday Morning Quarterback, where I take a look back at what I (and sometimes others) would have (could have/should have) done differently with my (their) fantasy football teams for that previous week's games. 

As I had the highest score of any team in the league this season with 155 this week, and again I FUCKING ROCK (yawwwwn), I turn my attention in particular to two losers: Troi with his Future Ex-Cons squad and LOBO with his Predator Press squad.

Both lost and it should be no surprise as they didn't even take players off their starting lineup that they should have taken off and replaced them with players...well, players who actually PLAYED.

It is especially evident with Troi, who still had LeSean McCoy in his starting lineup, even though McCoy was out with a concussion. Troi lost by a mere three points, 80-77, to Delusion of Adequacy. Put ANYONE in there for Odin's sake and you would have won.

As for LOBO, the defending HBFFL champion (seemingly in name only, not in reality) he still had Darren McFadden in his starting lineup and worse yet, Titus Young still on his roster. Go pick up ANYONE for even Baldur's sake off the waiver wire. Give yourself a fighting chance.


Yes, ANYONE!!!!

Thursday, November 22, 2012

The People's Week 12: A Losing Season

by Renal Failure


"We'd win if we could, but we just can't score any points... bitch!"

Zero points from DJax and Dwayne Bowe... that's what brought down your People's Champ this week in our 81-72 loss to Troi's Future Ex-Cons.  Double goose-eggs from our wide receivers.  Dwayne Bowe had the decency to leave his game injured with no stats, DJax played the whole game and got nothing from Nick Foles - who Philly fans have been begging to see in action all season and now discover that he's only a slightly better quarterback than the dogs that had been killed at Michael Vick's house.  But at least the dogs have the excuse of not having opposable thumbs or any knowledge of the West Coast Offense for being useless.

And now suddenly my hypenated bench RB's BenJarvis Green-Ellis and LaRod Stephens-Howling decide they're actually going to play football well now, because the Law Firm put up 21 vs. the Chiefs and Stephens-Howling logged 23 on Atlanta.  Thank you so much for doing this right after the trade deadline passes so your sudden valuable-ness means absolute dick to your People's Champion.



We are little wired from losing all season...

So yeah, trade deadline's gone, and no one made a deal with us for our deep QB corps of Tom Brady and RGIII.  Our trips into the free-agent market have yielded little fruit.  Aside from the QB's and Trent Richardson, our draft didn't turn out so well.  Everything that was the hallmark of previously successful Renal Failure teams did not happen this season, and so we sit in last place of the HBFFL at 3-8, tied for last in points scored with LOBO's Predator Press (and he's 5-6 and still in the running for a playoff spot).

Who else is at 5-6? Our opponents in Week 12: Nonames. He has Aaron Rodgers doing the Discount Double Check vs. the Giants.  He actually has wide receivers on his team, and good ones like A.J. Green and Victor Cruz.  Doug Martin is rolling up big points for the Bucs. And Antonio Gates is still Antonio Gates.


The results are back, we're definitely not winning this week...

 Yahoo!'s projecting a NoNames blowout, and there's little reason to doubt it. The Renal Roster has underperformed pretty much all season. The projection on NoNames' crew seems pretty reasonable. Maybe RGIII throws a mega-bear into space, that's pretty much our only hope here.

But at least we're 7-4 in our 12-man league in 6-4 in our 8-man league.  Always remember, you can't lose in every league.  Well, you can, but it's really hard.

Renal Failure is one of the original members of the HBFFL and has a blog with 1,780 posts in it. Along with losing a lot in Fantasy Football, there's no hockey to watch and the Eagles suck, so this winter is going to be especially cold for the People's Champion of Fantasy Football.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

What Bryan Said

Except Bryan didn't say anything this week. Maybe Unfinished Person is just being modest. And probably proud of it. Or maybe he feels he did enough talking on the field last week and needn't rub it in here on the blog.

You see Unfinished Person crushed your no-way we could win nonames last week in what must have been the biggest blow out of the season 141-75. UP remains in 1st spot. Our nonames slip to 6th.

It all started out well enough. At the end of the first series of games Sunday we were tied 47-47. But not for long. NE TE Gronkowski racked up 30 fantasy points. Dal WR Dez Bryant pulled in 25 and his NE Def achieved 27.

The highest scorer for nonames was TB RB Doug Martin with 19. GB QB Mr Rodgers, with a projected 35 could only muster 17 points. It was not a good week.

Hats off to you UP. In the meantime, as for me...


Friday, November 16, 2012

The People's Week 11: A post-season without Renal Failure

by... eh, who cares...


"Did I just catch you trying to win at Fantasy Football?"

It's an ugly fact of Fantasy Football life, but sometime it's just not your season. And 2012 is turning out to be an outright disaster for your People's Champion.  Our latest 102-78 defeat to Delusions of Adequacy, dropping us to 3-7, has pretty much eliminated Renal Failure out of playoff contention, as no team has ever gotten into the HBFFL playoffs with less than an 8-6 record. 

We guessed wrong with our RB's yet again, going with BenJarvis Green-Ellis (5pts) instead of Fred Jackson (22pts) because we were starting CJ Spiller (12pts) and couldn't make ourselves start both Bills RB's at the same time.  We won't have that problem in Week 11 because Fred Jackson is out with a concussion, but at least our error in not starting him in Week 10 didn't cost us the game considering how poorly the rest of the team performed.

Tom Brady had a very non-Brady-like 19 points vs. Buffalo.  DJax (5pts), Jason Witten (4pts)and Dwayne Bowe (6pts) had nothing substantial to offer. We can take solace that we guessed right by picking up the Tennessee Defense (16pts) and that Shaun Suisham continues to be our MVP (10pts), which is a damn tragedy.  We just can't score this year for shit.


If it wasn't for the other leagues we're doing better in, you'd have to hide all sharp objects from us...

Delusions took our advice and benched Michael Vick for Carson Palmer, who blew up for 30pts.  Steven Ridley (15pt) and Ray Rice (1spt) crushed our RB's, Roddy White (15pts) and Hakeen Nicks (7pts) outdid our WR's.  Even Justin Tucker beat our MVP with a busy 13pt day.  We got blown out of the water by a team that mirrors the strengths of previously-successful Renal Failure rosters.

And so The People have come to accept a playoff-less year from their Champion, that this is not their year to shine.  Our goal now is to finish 7-7 and save some modicum of respect in this wretched year of 2012.  Last time we missed the playoffs was 2008, so perhaps the trend is that Renal Failure does poorly in election years.


This season, we are the 99% who don't win their league.  OCCUPY Yahoo! Fantasy Football!!!

So... Week 11 vs. Future Ex-Cons, the team directly above us in 8th place at 5-5.  Troi's missing MJD but Shady McCoy is sure to get more work now that Vick is out in Philly.  Alfred Morris will probably run all day on the Eagles D.  Peyton Manning will be throwing all day against the Chargers.  It looks to be a good day for the Ex-Cons.

For the Failure, we already grabbed 12 points with CJ Spiller.  Tom Brady has a nice matchup vs. the Colts.  Trent Richardson is back from his bye to trample the Cowboys. And Shaun Suisham remains Shaun Suisham. Not bad, but not that good either.

Yahoo! is actually projecting a Renal Failure victory due to current projections, but Renal Failure has underperformed pretty much all season.  But that's why they play the games.  The road to mediocrity begins here!

Renal Failure is the People's Champion, the 2011 and 2009 HBFFL runner-up, and the 2010 HBFFL and FTWL champion who will certainly do better next year in both those leagues because it doesn't get much worse than how they're doing.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Bye Bye Benny, Bye Bye

Jesus H. Christ.

While Mr. Rodgers had a bye week, your nimble nonames bench QB Ben Roethlisberger stepped in and went on what may be a permanent bye. In a team win over Kansas City Big Ben racked up all of 9 fantasy points before racking up his shoulder and leaving Monday night's game.

Up until that point Obi Ben Kanobi was my only hope.



But it wasn't meant to be and my no-win nonames went down in flames to Bourbon Blasters who decidely won our match 119-82. Good on ya BB.

My good news? The nonames Denver D pulled in 25 fantasy points.

My bad news? Pretty much everything else.

NYG WR Victor Cruz phoned in his 2 fantasy points along with Miami RB Reggie Bush's measly 1 point.

My secret weapon, TB righteous bulldozer RB Doug Martin (R2 B2), pissed off at his Muscle Hamster nickname, scraped up 11 points. That's quite a fall from last week's 62 points.

Cincinnati WR A.J. Green pulled in a respectable 16.



But in the end it just wasn't enough.

Nevertheless my nifty nonames remain in 4th spot and fresh from a crushing defeat of Unfinished Person over in the FTWL (where we moved into 3rd spot) last week, look forward to taking him on in the HBFFL this week. He's #1, you know. Maybe we can do something about that.

I just hope we don't end up like this guy...


Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Tuesday Morning QB: There's an app for that, loser!

Welcome to Tuesday Morning Quarterback, where I take a look back at what I (and sometimes others) would have (could have/should have) done differently with my (their) fantasy football teams for that previous week's games. 

Well, this week again I'm not going to look back at what I could have done differently, because I still won...although this week by a mere 7 points and putting up a measly 88 points. So I don't FUCKING ROCK. I just rock, but still rock in first place nonetheless.

However, I am going to look back at what my opponent, Troi with his Future Ex-Cons, could have done differently.

One thing the California boi (see what I did there? clever, huh?) could have done differently: Put in a replacement running back for Alfred Morris who was on a bye.

Troi normally isn't an absentee owner, but this past week, I think he got distracted by being on vacation. See, I'm friends with him on Facebook and it looks like he and his wife went to Missouri to visit family.

What I also see is that he checks in an awfully lot on Foursquare. Dude is everywhere. He's eating (and drinking) at restaurants (and microbreweries), frolicking at parks and waiting at airports. What he's not doing is checking in on his fantasy football team...

...and it's so simple.

Because there's an app for that...


Yahoo! Fantasy Football '12 (pay attention to this link, my boi Troi) is available as an app both on Android and iPhone.

If only Troi had had the app on his phone and then used it...

...instead of losing 88-81, Troi could have won with any one of these three running backs who were available on the waiver wire: Danny Woodhead, Chris Ivory or Andre Brown. Personally, I would have gone with either Woodhead or Ivory, but any of the three would have given Troi the victory.

But nooooo, he left bye-week Morris in and got defeated by a weak 7 points.

Don't let something similar happen to you...whatever fantasy league in, I'm sure there is an app for your league. Get it and don't be a loser like Troi.

Friday, November 9, 2012

The People's Week 10: Bleakness

by 2010 champion, 2009 and 2011 runner-up, and completely fucked this season Renal Failure


The liquor is calling the shots now, because the liquor's doing better than us in the decision-making department this season...

We made some tactical errors in our estimations of our chances of winning last week against Unfinished Person, primarily that we forgot he had Arian Foster on his team.  But hey, wouldn't you want to forget your opponent's got a top 5 running back going against you?

What killed us in our 111-82 loss?  Well, the San Diego Defense going off for 21 points vs. Kansas City did some major damage.  So did RGIII's pitiful 15 point performance against Carolina (projected for 27 - Dick Morris on FOXNews told us he could have gotten 40. Jim Cramer on CNBC said 60, but Cramer does coke and you don't listen to what cokeheads tell you).  Fred Jackson's irrelevant 3-point day didn't help.  Only DeSean Jackson's big 23 points on Monday night made this look halfway respectable for the People's Champ.


Nothing is making sense this season for us in the HBFFL...

So... 3-6 with 5 game to go.  We need to win the rest of our games to get to 8-6 and have the slightest of chances to make the playoffs, and we have to start this very difficult run against 5-4 Delusions of Adequacy who housed us 102-55 in the season opener way back in Week One. 

Delusion's got a strong ground game with Ray Rice and Ryan Mathews, but he's vulnerable at QB with turnover machine Michael Vick and at WR with the oft-injured Hakeem Nicks.  Still, Roddy White could pick up some of that slack.

Trent Richardson's on his bye week, so The People's most-reliable RB this season is out, forcing us to put our faith in the law firm of BenJarvus Green-Ellis (because we're not making the Jonathan Stewart mistake twice).  RGIII is on a bye too, so we've got Tom Brady slinging the rock for us in a very favorable matchup vs. Buffalo. We're hoping C.J. Spiller can get some good work vs. the Pats while Dwayne Bowe does what Dwayne Bowe does semi-well: get garbage time points. 


Everyone spends time in the drunk tank, or the bottom of the standings...

Pretty much any defeat eliminates us from the playoffs, something that hasn't happened since the inaugural HBFFL season (and the first time we ever played fantasy football) where we missed the playoffs by one game. And what would the HBFFL be without Renal Failure in the playoffs?  What kind of world would that be?  Why would you bother The People with such a scenario.

And why has no one offered anything for one of our quarterbacks?  We got two bear-throwers on the Renal roster as we go into the stretch run of the season and no one has so much as cast out a feeler for either Brady or RGIII.  What is going on here?  

Yahoo! likes Delusion in this game.  Fuck.  Well, at least we've got winning records in our 8-team and 12-team leagues.  Something about 10-team leagues are bad luck to your People's Champ this season...

Renal Failure is the People's Champion and Wild Card of Fantasy Football. Renal Failure was late typing this post because of that thing where you put the clocks back an hour - except we fell back an entire day. It's been that kind of a 2012 for us.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

On The Move

I called it. And Week 9 gave your nimble nonames their 4th victory in a row. Sure it was against Basement Dweller Bald Spots but to his credit, Bryan gave me a bit of a scare as Andrew Luck chalked up 34 fantasy points for him. My Mister Rodgers claimed 29. Why is it Aaron is so good in reality but sucks in fantasy?

Reality sucks.

No worry, that righteous bulldozer running back Doug Martin (I'm gonna call him R2 B2) had an amazing week racking up 62 fantasy points and contributing nicely to our second highest point total of the season, giving us a 143-112 win.


R2 B2

Our nonames got off to a shaky start this season and I joked that I was hiding in the weeds waiting for the right moment. With the largest victory margin the third time this year, that moment would appear to be now.

Heading into Week 10 nonames climbs into 3rd place with a 5-4-0 record. We're up against 8th place Bourbon Blasters with a 4-5-0.

Anything could happen. I'm hoping it'll be 5 wins in a row.

Oh, by the way, my luck seems to be rubbing off on godufus over in the FTWL. After spending some time in last place, as recently as week 7, after 3 wins in a row over there we've moved into 4th place after a 109-81 win over Team TBA. Not bad, not bad.

Boy those horse shoes up the rectum kinda hurt. But it's a nice hurt, ya know?

Guess you can just call me an excitable boy...


Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Tuesday Morning QB: Watch the waiver wire!


Welcome to Tuesday Morning Quarterback, where I take a look back at what I (and sometimes others) would have (could have/should have) done differently with my (their) fantasy football teams for that previous week's games. 

Well, this week again I'm not going to look back at what I could have done differently, because to put it quite bluntly, I STILL FUCKING ROCK!



Instead, I'm going to turn my attention to Joe O. of the Bourbon Blasters who lost 56-74 to the Future Ex-Cons.

Joe picked up two running backs off the waiver wire last week: the Steelers' Isaac Redman and the Texans' Justin Forsett, all well and good. They both were nice waiver wire picks, considering that the Steelers' Rashard Mendenhall and Jonathan Dwyer were on the bench and that the Texans' Ben Tate also was on the bench.

In Joe's defense, he does a great job at making picks off the waiver wire week in and week out. Lesson for all of us: Watch the waiver wire!

However, when it came to putting the right one into the lineup, Joe failed. Why? He placed Forsett, a backup to Arian Foster, in the running back slot instead of Redman, who was a backup to no one. Redman naturally rocked with 25 points; Forsett didn't, with ZERO points. If only Joe had played Redman, Joe would have won 81-74.

Lesson for all of us: Play the right guy off the waiver wire and, in the process,...

Thursday, November 1, 2012

The People's Week 9 - Gift Wrapping Your Victories

by 2010 HBFFL Champion Renal Failure


Every Fantasy Football owner does this hundreds of times a season...

Joe needs to send us a thank you card and a gift certificate to the Olive Garden because we served him his 81-76 victory and some endless salad this past week.  We panicked on Sunday morning about Trent Richardson's condition and, not wanting another 1-point day from our RB, we pulled him for Jonathan Stewart.  Instead T-Rich decided he could actually play through his rib injury and put up 24-points vs. Stewart's 7pts. But that wouldn't have mattered if we had gone with Tom Brady instead of RGIII at QB (36pts vs. 12pts), which we didn't because RGIII has been throwing bears into outer space regularly and Tom Brady was facing a team with a good pass defense on a neutral site field.

At least Jason Witten had a great day (21pts), however Shaun Suisham again outscored our wide receivers individually (Josh Gordon 4pts, DJax 5pts, Dwayne Bowe 6pts).  Joe escaped with quality performances from Jonathan Dwyer (15pts), Percy Harvin (15pts) and Matt Bryant (12pts) to offset the crap games from Drew Brees (16pts - projected for 30pts), Jeremy Maclin (3pts), and Frank Gore (6pts).  These are sorts of games teams need to win to make the playoffs, and again Renal Failure is just not getting it done and it's driving your People's Champion absolutely batshit mad.


Only the King of the Potato People can save our season now...

Okay, so we're not going to go 7-0 in the 2nd half of the season, but we can still try to go 6-1 with a victory over Unfinished Person, who scored a blowout victory over front-running Delusions of Inadequacy.  But UP is vulnerable this week. Rob Gronkowski and Stephen Jackson are on their bye weeks, Tony Romo's throwing so many INT's lately that Jay Cutler feels bad for him, and aside from Julio Jones no one else on his roster gives us any cause for pause.

Your People's Champ doesn't have to worry about the RGIII/Tom Brady decision this week because Brady is on a bye. Fred Jackson's back from the bye and should put up some good numbers even while sharing time with CJ Spiller, and T-Rich is good to go against a Baltimore defense that isn't so scary anymore. 


Renal Failure strategy session... Thursday night... 

Yahoo! gives Renal Failure a slight initial edge, but only because Yahoo! is way overvaluing Tony Romo and Dez Bryant in their matchup vs. undefeated Atlanta.  But even in 9th place at 3-5, Renal Failure is still only two games behind the first-place trio of Unfinished Person, Delusions of Inadequacy, and Predator Press. If Renal Failure wins six straight, that brings us to 9-5 and gives us the best chance of making the playoffs.  8-6 is a trickier proposition because unless we start throwing bears into orbit every week we're not going to win any tie-breakers.

There hasn't been a Renal Failure-less championship game in three years, and we'd hate to break the streak of last year's runner-up not winning the championship the next year, even though we did break the streak of the previous year's winner not making the playoffs the next year.  It's a wicked web of trendsetting and trend-breaking that we've created.

Renal Failure is the People's Champion and The Wild Card (bitches!) of Fantasy Football. Renal Failure is doing better in his other leagues, except the FTWL where we're 2-6. We're doing slightly better in our 12-team and 8-team leagues though, and that's some small solace to us.



Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Dice Schmice

Nonames don't use no dice. After 3 straight wins we're pretty much running on...

That's right, remote control, bitches.

Week 8 saw my nonames go up against LOBO's Predator Press. We came away with an 87-82 victory. We pretty much led out of the gate, Thursday night and through to Sunday night. We led going into Monday night but my Arizona D was going up against LOBO's Larry Fitzgerald. Both sucked, but Arizona a little less, preserving our win.

Stand outs on the nonames squad included Tampa Bay rookie Doug Martin who racked up 39 fantasy points, the best RB score of the week.


And kicker Sebastien Janikowski booted 14 points for our nonames, the second highest K points in the league in Week 8.


Now my nonames had some challenges this week. A.J. Green was on a bye. Victor Cruz was virtually invisible with 2 points. And Mr. Rodgers limited himself to 16 points. Shit, that's not even half of Martin's 39.

So let's see. What the Canuck in Week 6. Purple Drank in Week 7. And now Predator Press in Week 8.

Week 9 sees us up against Bald Spots who stands firmly in last spot with 1-7-0.

I'm thinking a league record 4 game winning streak's in the cards.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Tuesday Morning QB: Roll the dice

Welcome to Tuesday Morning Quarterback, where I take a look back at what I (and sometimes others) would have (could have/should have) done differently with my (their) fantasy football teams for that previous week's games. 

Well, this week I'm not going to look back at what I could have done differently, because to put it quite bluntly, I FUCKING ROCK!

With my 129-75 victory over Delusion of Adequacy, I vaulted into first place.

Instead, I'm going to look at what one of the other peons could have done differently to help himself to victory, namely one LOBO whose team Predator Press lost 87-82 to nonames.

LOBO played Larry Fitzgerald who had a measly 5 fantasy points instead of going with the gamble Titus Young but who all the fantasy football pundits had been hyping all week so why the hell not roll the dice?

Young had 29 points and would have given LOBO an overwhelming 106-87 win...

...but he had to be a PUSSY (nope, not just a lowercase non-bolded pussy, but uppercase bold PUSSY) and not take the chance on Young, who was second on the receiving depth chart after Nate Burleson broke a leg.

And LOBO knew better because during a Facebook conversation Monday night, he said this:

"L Fitz is always double-teamed and SF doesn't give up sh*t to WR. Barring an act of God, John Bray [nonames actually does have a name] should have this all wrapped up already."

Damned by his own words...all because he wouldn't roll the dice or to mix metaphors, "know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and know when to run."


Sunday, October 28, 2012

Thin Ice

-LOBO, Predator Press

Well crap.  With this week's matchup -Preds v nonames- already under way, I've got a sinking feeling that my Sunday is going to be disappointing.  In fact you can say I've been in a fantasy sulk since Friday morning; with only Doug Martin at play, I didn't even watch Thursday's game.

As a consequence, Doug Martin -apparently offended my my general apathy- met his projected seven points.  And then proceeded to add thirty two more.  That's an Aaron Rodgers-esque score.

Oh and speaking of Aaron Rodgers, I'm up against him this week too.  Tack on Victor Cruz for good measure.  While I'm convinced the Preds will meet or exceed our projections, the three afore mentioned players alone could, in theory, produce over ... like, um ... one million points.

But are the mighty Preds scared?

Fuck yes we are.

Please, please, please don't hurt us John!  We don't want to be cast down into the abyss of mediocrity!  Have you seen the rest of our schedule?  We like it up here in dizzying, nosebleed second place, throwing litter down on eight other teams while trying to stick a shiv in first place Delusion of Adequacy's ankles.

And don't we all hate Delusion of Adequacy's ankles?

Hm?

Thursday, October 25, 2012

The People's Week 8: Shaun Suisham is the MVP of 2012

by the People's Champion Renal Failure

We're at the halfway point of the 2012 season, and the People are very ambivalent about where we stand so far in the HBFFL.  We're 3-4 this season, which is better than the 2-5 we were at after seven weeks in 2010, but worse than the 4-3 we were last year.  At this point in 2011 we had scored an impressive 718 points, but this year we're 2nd-to-last in scoring with 592 points. Yes, we won our Week 7 game vs. Bald Spots 76-74, but we barely held on to win when Megatron shat the bed and only got 3 points (on top of Kyle Randolph's goose-egg for the Vikings).  And we only had that lead because of Shaun Suisham's 10-point game Sunday night. It is Renal Failure tradition to get lots of points from the kicker position, but it's not a good sign for your fantasy team when your kicker is your most dependable player.  

It used to be a game with Bald Spots was a game that was sure to be full of bloodshed and bears in orbit. Now look at us.  Scrapping for meager points and trying not to be in last place. What kind of world are we living in?  Sure, RGIII got 25 big points but he was projected for 27 and really should have had more if he didn't do his Michael Vick impression by throwing an pick, losing a fumble, and betting on wrong pitbull in the deathmatch in his basement (Andrew Luck gets 2 rushing TD's?  Andrew Luck?). Trent Richardson was supposed to have a big day against the Colts but couldn't play through the rib injury he suffered last week.


But we are too swag to cry... because our Josh Gordon pickup got us 11 points...

The People feel a little better upon seeing Fred Jackson's 17 points while splitting time with CJ Spiller.  With Trent Richardson questionable, we might just start both Bills RB's and settle for steady middle-of-the-road points rather than intermittent bear-launches we've come to expect from our RB's.  And Josh Gordon looks to be a steady performer at WR, which is better than we can say for our other WR's who didn't play this week because of the bye (or in Greg Jennings' case, his perpetually injured groin).  This means, however, we'll be depending a lot on our QB's, specifically RGIII who we're thinking has a bigger upside than the man who invented throwing bears into outer space Tom Brady (only 20pts vs. the Jets? Come on man!).

The top of the league sits at 5-2 (Delusions of Adequacy, Purple Drank, and Predator Press).  Then there's Unfinished Person at 4-3, then a log jam at 3-4 between NoNames, Bourbon Blasters, What the Canuck?, Future Ex-Cons, and us (who are ranked 9th because of our pitiful points for total).  9 wins usually gets a team into the playoffs, so we need to go 5-2 to have a chance.  And to have a better chance, we need to start putting up triple-digit points on a regular basis to clear ourselves from any potential tiebreakers.  Of course, things become much easier if we just go 7-0... we should just do that.


Time to get motivated, people!  Time to take back the streets... and by streets we mean hopefully choose the players who score enough fantasy points so that we win our games...

Joe's Bourbon Blasters are our Week 8 opponent, and historically we have not done well against Joe, even when he's pretending to be a woman.  So that is why we're bringing back Our Lady of Tight Denim Victory Ines Sainz as our good luck charm so that we may be granted yet another monster 2nd half of the season, despite not having the usual elements that make such a run possible. And we're going to need as much help as we can get because both Fred Jackson and CJ Spiller are on bye weeks, as is Owen Daniels at TE who is outperforming Jason Witten. We may have to go three WR with DJax, Dwayne Bowe, and Josh Gordon while still starting a questionable Trent Richardson at RB because our other backup RB BenJarvus Green-Ellis is also on a bye week.  No, we're not putting in Jonathan Stewart. That's just silly.

Joe doesn't have any bye week issues, save for his kicker.  But Frank Gore has a tough match-up vs. Arizona, as does Shonn Greene vs. Miami.  Joe could always use Felix Jones at RB, if he forgot who Felix Jones was.  Drew Brees will continue to be Drew Brees, and Percy Harvin and Jordy Nelson have racked up big numbers all season. Jimmy Graham is coming off an injury and may not be as productive, but having a team's weak spot be their TE position is never a comfort to the opposition.

Your People's Champ isn't projected to win, but if we want to have a chance to make it four straight years in the Humor Bowl we need to start racking up wins now. Ines Sainz, we're counting on you and your perfect denim ass to bring the People victory!

Renal Failure is The Wild Card of Fantasy Football, The People's Champion, and the only team to win the HBFFL and FTWL championships in the same year. We scored more points in all our other leagues in Week 7 but lost all of those games. Fantasy Football is a harsh mistress...who may be dyslexic.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Was Purple Drank Drunk?


Well, Purple Drank took his winning streak to Canada in Week 7 and encountered a cold front in the form of the over-achieving nonames. Over-achieving 4 weeks in a row according to Yahoo Sports. And he's come away with the largest margin of victory in the league 2 weeks in a row now thanks to a 110-81 crushing defeat over drunk Purple Drank. I told you not to drink the Kool-Aid, Drank.

Did I say cold front?

The nonames win comes in spite of the fact Purple Drank owns Chris Johnson who racked up 38 fantasy points this week. But that was PD's only big performer.

The big guns for nonames, apart from that guy in the picture, were Aaron Rodgers (no surprise there) with 34 points, Victor "I got it, I got it" Cruz with 26 and Sebastian Janikowski who booted 14 points our way. A.J. Green was a big disappointment this week cobbling together a measly 6 points.

Personally I think Drank's loss was due to too much time spent staring at that picture of Winona Ryder's eyes.

And as The Band used to sing:

Acadian driftwood, gypsy tail wind
They call my home the land of snow
Canadian cold front movin' in
What a way to ride, oh, what a way to go

Who knew The Band were Packer fans.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Tuesday Morning QB: If ONLY...

Welcome to Tuesday Morning Quarterback, where I take a look back at what I (and sometimes others) would have (could have/should have) done differently with my (their) fantasy football teams for that previous week's games.

All it takes is one mistake.

Sometimes it comes on the front end; sometimes on the back end. For me, my error happened on the front end, but just as easily could have been on the back end.

It all began Thursday night. I had just gotten out of work. It was 8:15 p.m. and I wasn't thinking. I had a cold.


If ONLY paramedics had come to my house, maybe they could have saved me from my fate.

But alas they didn't and by 8:20, I already had lost this week's HBFFL game to Joe O's Bourbon Blasters; only the score had to be determined. That score would be 119 to 117. I left Seattle wide receiver Sidney Rice in at flex when I should have switched him out for one of three players: St. Louis running back Steven Jackson, New Orleans running back Darren Sproles or Oakland wide receiver Denarius Moore.

Rice only scored three fantasy points while Jackson and Sproles each scored 11, and Moore, 9.

I had forgotten a cardinal rule of fantasy football: recheck your lineup before Thursday night's game to see if there are any changes that need to be made. With Rice going up against the San Francisco defense, that is a change that definitely should have been made. To be honest, I probably would have gone with Moore, because I haven't been getting much from Jackson or Sproles and Moore has been on a roll.

But I didn't and for my transgression I paid heavily.



In the other league in which I play I made my crucial switch on the back end, only an hour and half before the start of Sunday afternoon's games, as I dropped San Francisco quarterback Alex Smith for Tampa Bay QB Josh Freeman and then put Freeman in over Detroit QB Matthew Stafford. It paid off with Freeman rolling with 38 points; Stafford had 17.

I won there 100 to 69. I just as easily could have lost as I did here in the HBFFL.

I looked yesterday to see if Freeman was available in the HBFFL. He was.

If ONLY...


Tuesday Mourning Quarterback

-LOBO, Predator Press

It's a bye week for Matt Ryan.  And my backup QB, Jake Locker, is having his shoulder surgically removed.

-So should the mighty Preds be led into battle by Jay Cutler, or Josh Freeman?

Hmmmmm.


Sunday, October 21, 2012

Purple Drank Takes Win Streak To Canada

I am here in Ontario, ready to play through the Canadian part of my schedule. This week it's nonames. Next week it's What The Canuck?.

I arrived last night, and in an effort to emerse myself in the culture of Canada I sat at a bar and played the Eh Drinking Game. I was drunk in like an hour and then I don't remember much after that. But I did wake up with a scar right where my kidney is. Maybe I hurt myself and some nice Canadians gave me first aid.

Talk about luck.

Just another day in the Purple Drank's magical season where it rains horeshoes and rabbit's feet, and wins defy logic.

Like last week, when I beat Future Ex-Cons 76-75. My 36-point lead going into the MNF game was erased by Peyton Manning and Demaryius Thomas. If it weren't for the fact I had Denver's kicker going I would have lost by four.

Hell, even the weekly Yahoo recap acknowledged my fortuitous ways. "With only 3 of their 8 starters beating their projected points, Purple Drank was still able to win."

Dep Lepard says lady luck never smiles but I disagree. She smiles on Purple Drank.

This week matchup will be no different, just colder. It's already snowing here in Canada and they've declared Martial Law. Strange country. Is it always like this?

But I digress...

So nomames will come at me this week with his three headed fantasy monster of Rodgers, Cruz, and A.J. Green and a bunch of bye week filler types. I ain't scared.

I got Dalton to go with his Green. Got CJ2K vs a Bills defense that isn't good against the run. I got Welkahhh. Got Wallace in prime time. And Beast Mode already kicked in 16 points from the TNF game.

All that's left now is this week's secret weapon.

Originally, it was going to be a nuclear missile designed to blow up all of Canada. But then I thought wait a minute I'm in Canada. So I'll die too. And with myself, nonames, and Canuck all dead I'm not sure what that means as far as rules go. Do I get the win this week or does nonames? Do I make sure to detonate it when I have the lead? Does Canuck win his matchup?

Too many questions. And a bit of overkill for a regular season game. Nukes are probably better off used for a fantasy playoff matchup.

So pumping the brakes, I have decided on something creepy instead, more fitting with the Halloween season...

Winona Ryder's eyes.

That is a freaky stare, and once nonames' fantasy players see that they will be too scared to produce enough points to beat Purple Drank.

That can only mean one thing for nonames...

Bad news!

Thursday, October 18, 2012

The People's Week 7: Oh, Come On!

by the People's Champion Renal Failure


We just can't figure shit out this season...

So once again one of our key starters gets injured mid-game (this time Trent Richardson) and we end up losing, this time in a tough 75-71 loss to Predator Press. We rolled the dice on Vick Ballard because of the poor matchup Fred Jackson was supposed to have against Arizona, and that blew up in our faces.  Even the prudent choice of going with Tom Brady over RGIII because of RGIII recovering from a concussion screwed us over (43 points by RGIII? Holy orbiting bear!).  Hell, if we had started Jason Witten over Owen Daniels we would have at least tied LOBO. 

Not that the rest of the Renal Roster had a stellar Week 6.  Dwayne Bowe suffered because of Matt Cassel's injury (trusting Brady Quinn?  Really?), and his 2pts made DeSean Jackson's 7pts look awesome by comparison.  Hell, Shaun Suisham (who gets no respect from the Yahoo! fantasy football projectors schooled everyone else in our starting lineup not named Tom Brady with a 12-point day vs. Tennessee. Meanwhile, Larry Fitzgerald, Lawrence Tynes, Darren McFadden, and the Atlanta defense carried Predator Press to a fortunate victory.


Our season is turning into a slow march toward Hamburger Time...

And things don't look much better for us in Week 7 vs. the last place Bald Spots (the only team we're ranked higher than in the HBFFL).  DJax and Bowe are on bye weeks and Greg Jennings is probably still out with his nagging groin injury.  So we have to depend on waiver wire pickups Josh Gordon and Dominik Hixon for our wide receiving duties, but can they really do worse than what we've been getting at the wide-out position?  T-Rich probably won't be at 100 percent.  Maybe Fred Jackson is back to bear-tossing form. 

The 1-5 Bald Spots are rolling with Megatron and Adrian Peterson, along with Andrew Luck at QB.  Michael Turner is fortunately on a bye week, taking some of the edge off his lineup, but as of now Bald Spots will probably be projected to win by Sunday.


2-4 record, 9th place, and the Eagles suck.  This is the only thing making us happy...

The People have reason for concern for their Champion. Our recipe for our signature late season awesomeness was a dominant run-game, a key trade, and a decent free-agent pick-up.  Right now, we've got none of those things. If the trade deadline passes with both Tom Brady and RGIII on our roster, the season's tits up for us.

A win would get us to 3-4 at the midway point of the season.  Not good, but better than being 2-5, which is where we were last year.  But last year we were rolling with Megatron and LeSean McCoy for the bulk of our offense, the top scoring players at their positions in 2011.  But 2012 is turning out to be a much leaner year for the People.


Renal Failure is the People's Champion of Fantasy Football.  Uninteresting fact: we have the exact same amount of points in the FTWL as in the HBFFL, and we have the same record there too.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

We're No. 5



Well the two Canadians played each other in the HBFFL Tim Bit Bowl in week 6 and to the victor go the spoiled donuts and the coffee double-double (2 milk, 2 sugar). That would be your fearless nonames who routed What The Canuck? 145-68 - a 77 point  victory resulting in the week's biggest blowout.

Last week we thought we achieved a tie against Delusion of Adequacy but a mid-week adjustment bumped nonames to a one point loss. Let's hope there's not a 78 point adjustment this week.

Someone said recently one will never win on the backs of their QBs. Well, I hate to prove them wrong but it was a great weekend in Mr. Rodgers neighbourhood with my man racking up 50 fantasy points, more than double Yahoo's projection, as the Packers downed the Texans 42-24. Rodgers threw 6 TDs to hand Houstan their first loss of the season.

Other nonames high flyers included WR AJ Green with 32 and TE Antonio Gates with 20.

nonames' win coupled with a few losses elsewhere booted us from 9th to 5th place at 2-4-0 behind 4th place Unfinished Person at 4-2-0. I guess we've come out of the weeds.


We're up against 3rd place Purple Drank in week 7. If all goes well, he's gonna be wondering what I put in the Kool-Aid.

In the meantime, we're celebrating the outcome of the Tim Bit Bowl...



Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Tuesday Morning Quarterback: Don't Believe The Hype

Welcome to Tuesday Morning Quarterback, where I take a look back at what I (and sometimes others) would have (could have/should have) done differently with my (their) fantasy football teams for that previous week's games.



The fantasy football pundits have been praising Miami Dolphins wide receiver Brian Hartline over the last few weeks and when Indianapolis Colt running back Donald Brown underwent knee surgery, the pundits hyped Vick Ballard who was scheduled to step into Brown's spot.

Two owners in the HBFFL can tell you that neither lived up to their hype this past weekend.

Joe O. relied on Hartline, who had 0 points. He didn't play either Green Bay's Jordy Nelson, with 37 points, or Philadelphia's Jeremy Maclin, with 26 points.

With Maclin alone, Joe's Bourbon Blasters would have at least come close 103-110 against Delusion of Adequacy. However, I would have chosen Nelson over Maclin this past weekend since Maclin hasn't been doing that great so far this season. That would have given Joe the win too.

Renal Failure, meanwhile, put Ballard, 3 fantasy points, in over either Fred Jackson, 13 points, or C.J. Spiller, 16 points, both from the Buffalo Bills. In RF's defense, if you were going to play Ballard, you might as well gamble now with neither Jackson or Spiller being particularly spectacular this year and playing against each other. However, I still probably would have flipped a coin and gone with either one of them over the unproven Ballard.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Horseshoe Up My Wazoo

4-1 with the third-lowest points for and the second-least points against? Talk about lucky...



Hell yeah I overlooked that four leaf clover. Looks like Renal Failure isn't the only one playing with house money. I'll admit it. I'm riding the luck train this season. And the old negative me would expect it to derail at some point. Eff that the new me says. Let's ride this train.


 No, that crappy video wasn't my secret weapon by the way.

This crappy video is. Well, a crappy song that is.


This thing is so awful it will be an unavoidable earworm for Bald Spots' team, to the point where they won't be able to produce enough fantasy points to beat the Purple Drank, the horseshoe team of the HBFFL.

Don't believe me? I'm already up 28 points.

Yeah that's right. I don't drive by, I'm a wise guy. I just stop by with a couple of guys. And I take your eyes.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

The People's Week 6: Everybody Hurts, Especially If We're Starting Them

by the People's Champion of Fantasy Football Renal Failure


Star players on the Renal Roster tend not to last very long in their games this season...

Chris got his revenge on us, but he got it because our chief bear-thrower in-resident RGIII left the Redskins' game vs. Atlanta early with a concussion.  We lost in Week 1 when Fred Jackson went down. We lost in Week 3 when CJ Spiller got injured. And now Week 5 sees us lose 76-64 when RGIII got hurt.  The People do not like this pattern one bit. At least we didn't start Greg Jennings in Week Four when he re-aggravated his groin injury. 1-4 is much worse than 2-3.

Side note: And this is totally messing with RGIII's trade value, unless everyone in the league has concluded that no one should trade with Renal Failure ever.  Our ability to make awesome trades is a major part of our late-season heroics.

What the People don't like even more is anemic weeks from Dwayne Bowe (6pts), Fred Jackson (2pts), and DeSean Jackson (5pts).  Come on, guys! Shaun Suisham got 10pts and was the most interesting thing in that Steelers/Eagles game (beside wondering why Michael Vick's hands were allergic to the football).  At least Trent Richardson tried to keep things close with his solid 18-point day vs. the Giants and Owen Daniels cut into Matt Schaub's point-total at 13pts.  Even Tom Brady underperformed on our bench (21pts) and he was supposed to be in a classic shootout vs. Peyton Manning.  When it rains, it pours razor blades.


Adversity, we know you all too well in Fantasy Football, so here's a cheerful affirmation to keep the People's spirits up...

Chris was right about Tony Gonzalez blowing up, but we were right about Chris Johnson continuing to suck, and Chris Johnson sucking will happen more often than Tony Gonzalez throwing bears into space so... yeah, think about that, Purple Drank! Your depth at running back is bad and you should feel bad!

The People have reason to be concerned going forward, though. Matt Cassel's injury has a chance of eating into Dwayne Bowe's prolific garbage time production (am I to put my trust in Brady Quinn?). Greg Jennings is still out with groin issues.  Our backup plan for a WR crisis was Danny Amendola until he injured himself for the next month. We had been hoping for Ryan Williams to bloom as running back in Arizona to give us some more depth/trade bait, but then his season ended on Thursday night. Then there's Fred Jackson and CJ Spiller being on the Bills...


We have been getting fucked this season by way too many unknown unknowns...

But what we do know is that Week 6 gives us our revenge rematch game vs. Predator Press - who beat us in the championship game when our QB Tony Romo fell to injury in the first quarter of Week 16.  He whooped up on Unfinished Person this past week and is riding high with a solid lineup.  Larry Fitzgerald (the People's MVP back in 2008) and Brandon Marshall are always a threat for big WR points. Jamaal Charles will see more runs with Matt Cassel out.  And Matty Ice knows how to sling the rock around.

The People are going to depend a lot of Tom Brady vs. Seattle (don't like that matchup) and Trent Richardson vs. Cincinnati (a better matchup).  Detroit's D is shaky so DJax might be able to put up points.  Fred Jackson's going to have trouble turning things around against a tough Arizona defense, but after two humiliating losses by the Bills they could be due to break loose on someone like an abusive, frustrated husband.

Yahoo!'s picking Predator Press to win the rematch of Humor Bowl IV, and it's hard to argue against that notion.  But it's when Renal Failure is down that you really have to watch out for us.


Renal Failure is the 2010 HBFFL and FTWL champion, as well as the 2009 and 2011 HBFFL runner-up. We went 1-3 this week in our four leagues, so it's been an extra salty couple days for your People's Champion.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Tie Die

Another week and your faithful nonames escape another win. But we didn't lose. What does that leave?


Right. A tie.

We were up against Delusion of Adequacy who went into the week at 3-1-0. Your trusty nonames were holding steady at 1-3-0...or else I was dyslexic. Yeah, dream on.

Prior to Sunday night's game I was cruising nicely into winning territory, 34 points ahead of DOA. I was even toying with my competition's acronym calling him Dead On Arrival in my head. So I skipped Sunday night's game and watched the Amazing Race. I learned Monday morning that thanks to San Diego's Malcom Ford and Ryan Mathews DOA had caught up to me. Even steven as they say at 96-96.

DOA's Chicago defence picked up 21 frakin' points last week against my Philadelphia D who picked up squat. My man Rodgers raked in a respectable 27 points and NYG WR Victor Cruz (not the gay guy, the other one - not that there's anything wrong with that) pulled in a decent 23 points.

I'm telling you, this waiting in the weeds business in 9th spot is starting to get to me. This week we go up against fellow Canadian What The Canuck? at 2-3-0. The winner gets a dozen maple Tim Bits and a poutine. I'm stoked.