Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Finding new creative ways to lose

Play along with us for a second...

If your team was going into Monday night down four points, your productive running back is waiting playing that night, and the only player left on the opposition's team is the tight end. Would you think your chances of pulling out a win are better than usual?

If you said "yes," then you obviously are not Renal Failure.

21 points by Dallas Clark. 21 points by the frelling tight end. When does a tight end put up that many points? He was projected for 5. Chris Johnson puts up a respectable 14 and a tight end blows him out of the water with 21? Renal Failure is the home of wild fabrications and outright lies, but even we couldn't fabricate that outcome.

Yes, Hines Ward, Jeremy Shockey, and Maurice Jones-Drew ended up being worthless for the Failure this week, and LenDale White and Anquan Bolden sapped potential scores away from Chris Johnson and Larry Fitzgerald, but 22 points from a tight end? Yes, we fully expected Brian Westbrook to get an obscene amount of points. He's Brian Westbrook, that's what he does. That's all he does. But Dallas Clark? Dallas Clark?

So now to beat Renal Failure you either have to score 120+ points or have their tight end have the game of the frickin' year.

The universe has spoken... and it has deemed Renal Failure's season to be over.

The trends don't favor Renal Failure. Our season has gone loss, loss, win, loss, loss, win, win, loss. If the pattern holds, Renal Failure will lose this week against the Washington Crooks before winning the next three straight games and then ending with losses for the last two. That would put us at 8-8, which will definitely not make the playoffs.

(Edit: Or as Chris so helpfully pointed out, it's only a 14-game regular season, so we'd be 6-8, which is even worse)

Sure, we're only two games behind the 5-3 White Strypers and Fantasy Virgin squads for the last playoff spots, and Renal Failure's scoring prowess could possibly win the point-total tie breakers with most teams, but no one can be optimistic after losing because of a tight end's 22-point day.

The trading deadline is November 21st. Renal Failure might be calling that Fire Sale Day. And we like fire. Maybe too much.

-rf

8 comments:

Chris C said...

There's only 14 games in our regular season :)

renalfailure said...

Great... I'm getting whooped by tight ends AND I can't count. I'd go lay down but I'm not sure I can do that right this week.

unfinishedrambling said...

I told my elf I wasn't going to be a douchebag. But Dallas Clark 21 points. Mwa ha. Sorry. Couldn't resist.

I'd like to say I feel your pain, RF, but I really don't.

unfinishedrambling said...

Not only did I tell my elf, who lives in my basement, but also my S-elf. ;)

Chris C said...

sure it's not Alf?

Hey Willy!

renalfailure said...

I told my Ulf where you live, that being former NHL defenseman Ulf Samuelsson. Knee-on-knee checks for everyone!

Chris C said...

cmon! I'm a Cam Neely fan for crying out loud. That one hurt but not as much as Neely's knee! waka waka!

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