LOBO, he tasks me.

Lobo. He tasks me...

It's championship week and I find myself pitted against Lobo in both my leagues. My #1 Future Ex-Cons vs. his #2 Predator Press in the HBFFL and my #2 From Behind! vs. his #1 pwn.exe. I hate him soooooo much...sooooooo much. As of this post, he's going with his Nick Foles (he previously was starting Jay Cutler at QB), Brandon Marshall, and Justin Tucker combo. I'll admit, I'm worried about this one. I have fears that this entire season will be all for naught as I lose to an auto-drafter...an Auto-Drafter!!! Sure Lobo makes more moves during the season than 6 Wilt Chamberlains (or one Ron Burgundy).

But he's a fraking Auto-Drafter!!

In the end, I pray that good triumphs over the evil that is Lobo. That way the good children of the world can continue to have a Christmas. Is it so much to ask for Lobo to pull a Wil Shatner and scream out, "Khaaaaaaan!"

MSNBC Exclusive on Why "What the Canuck" and "Nonamedufus" Edged Out of Playoffs

Only in Canada, eh?

Who knew.

RF, you have anything to do with this?

Week 17: No Longer a Champion

by 2010 HBFFL Champion and 2011 runner-up Renal Failure





Shut it down... shut it all down...

And so it was that the HBFFL trend of last year's runner-up winning next year's championship continued as destiny dictated with Predator Press defeating your 2010 HBFFL Champions Renal Failure in Humor Bowl IV 114-50. Renal Failure's hopes to repeat as champion left the building with Tony Romo's busted hand, Jason Witten's famine of targets, Shady McCoy's disappearing act, and Billy Cundiff's bum leg. We got hit with the fantasy football blue screen of death at the worst possible time, and LOBO was there to reap the benefits of our injury implosion.

We were right to bench CJ2K for Week 16, however we chose wrong on his replacement. We picked Ryan Mathews because of his favorable matchup vs. the Lions, however it was Marshawn Lynch who had the much better day (23pts for Beast Mode vs. 7 for Mathews). We hoped Brandon Lloyd could get some garbage time points vs. the Steelers, but that didn't happen. Our only bright spots were Megatron (21pts) and our wise choice of putting in Rob Bironas as our replacement for Billy Fucking Cundiff (13pts).


When your whole season explodes on you, there's only one thing to do: strike a bad-ass pose in the midst of the destruction of your dreams...

Predator Press came ready to play in Week 16. And just like we did to Purple Drank last week, LOBO only needed two players to win. Arian Foster did what Arian Foster does (27pts) and Matt Stafford threw up a 35-point bear vs. the Chargers. Everything else was just bonus points against a crippled Renal Failure squad.

And so the 2011 HBFFL comes to a close on a disappointing note for your People's Champion, seeing our 15 weeks of effort flame out during the ultimate showdown. It's like watching The Empire Strikes Back and seeing Darth Vader tear his ACL within 10 seconds of the lightsaber duel with Luke in the cloud city and have to be carted back to his shuttle. It's a lackluster climax to what you know should have been an epic battle. Instead, LOBO's raising the championship trophy and we're heading to the MRI machine.


When you lose the championship game, the winter seems colder... something we know all too well...

2010 was a trying season for Renal Failure. Our draft seemed to be a good one, but we did not foresee Chris Johnson's troubles. Shady McCoy carried us for most of the season with all his touchdowns. Trading Fred Jackson for Calvin Johnson paid off big time for us, yet another example of how well Renal Failure makes deals. But we didn't have a big waiver wire pick-up that we've had in prior seasons (Brandon Lloyd in 2010 and CJ2K in 2008). Perhaps that was the missing ingredient to our championship souffle. But we did get the first tie ever in the HBFFL and that helped get us into the playoffs on the last game of the regular season.

8-5-1 and runner up in the Humor Bowl... we know other teams would love to have had Renal Failure's season, so our mourning will be brief. And while we are champions no more, we have once and for all solidified our place as the HBFFL's most dangerous franchise. And as the HBFFL runner-up, we are now the early favorite to win next year's Humor Bowl and become the HBFFL's first multiple-time champion.

So celebrate well, LOBO, for heavy is the head that wears the crown, and you don't do as many neck exercises as we do.

Renal Failure was the 2010 HBFFL champion, the 2010 FTWL champion, but is still the People's Champion. That Dallas/Philadelphia game fucked us over in the other league we made the playoffs in, as did Adrian Peterson's total knee destruction. This was a Christmas Eve of fantasy team implosions. Thankfully we were drunk most of the day.

Kneel Before Renal Failure!

by 2010 Humor Bloggers Fantasy Football League Champion Renal Failure


What's it like to play against Renal Failure? It hurts...

Your People's Champion Renal Failure finds themselves in an unfamiliar position to start the 2011 HBFFL season: being the defending HBFFL champion. Usually we begin the season ready to avenge our not winning it all the previous year, but this year we don't have to because we did win it all (in two leagues, and against LOBO in the championship games no less).

So what does a franchise based on spite and vengeance do when there's nothing to avenge? We crank up the paranoia and say everyone is against, and this time we're actually right because when you're the defending champ, everyone's looking to knock you off of your pedestal. Everyone wants to make a name for themselves at your expense.


Ninja Vicki and Samurai Cathy say "Strike us if you dare, we will destroy you." Not sure what that means fantasy football-wise, but it probably means you should start Charley Whitehurst at QB...

Also, Renal Failure wants to be the first team to break the curse of the previous year's champion not making the playoffs. And once we've avoided that fate, then we can worry about being the first repeat champion of the HBFFL because we know all too well how long and treacherous a fantasy football season can be.

And now with the new scoring changes to the HBFFL, new strategies will need to be employed. No longer will QB's throw up ridiculous numbers, as the league has seen fit to curtail the bear-in-orbit potential of quarterbacks by lowering their passing TD scores to 4, unless the TD in questions is 40+ yards, then it gets a bonus 2 points to go back up to 6. Also this season, interceptions will cost QB's 2 points, as will fumbles lost by any offensive player. This can only mean that there will be lesser bears thrown into outer space this year.


The scoring may have changed, but our devotion to Our Lady of Tight Denim Ines Sainz has not wavered one bit...

We won't have a draft preview because this season the HBFFL is doing a Live Draft rather than the auto-pick we've done in previous years. Usually we would do a bunch of mock drafts and fine-tune how we set up our lists, but now all that goes out the window. No more being forced to take a kicker in the 8th round. Now we build our rosters according to the pattern in our own heads. We can only hope that we don't outsmart ourselves on draft day. And it's too bad we can't trade draft picks during the draft because I think I could trick UnfinishedRambler into another disastrous deal. Well, if we don't fleece him in a trade later the season, someone else invariably will.

So stand tall and applaud your champion Renal Failure, for we defend our title not just for our glory but for the glory of The People. We may be known by many names, (The Wild Card, the Great One, the Macho Fantasy Football Donkey Wrestler, The Duke of New York) but we will always be The People's Champion. And if we have a say in the matter, we will be your 2011 HBFFL champion again.



Renal Failure is one of five remaining original members of the HBFFL, and might be its most-hated owner.

Renal Failure Wins Humor Bowl III: People's Champion is now Actual Champion

by Renal Failure


The thrill of victory... and not paying child support...

The People's wait is finally over. Their champion, Renal Failure, has emerged from Humor Bowl III victorious, etching their name forever in the annals of fantasy football history with a 91-72 win over Predator Press to be crowned your 2010 HBFFL Fantasy Football Champion.

And, for good measure, Renal Failure also won the championship of LOBO's own FTWL league with a more authoritative 109-82 win, making Renal Failure a Double Champion. (and funny enough, Rambler finished third in both the HBFFL and FTWL. Symmetry abound!)

The championship was won by the passing game for the People's Champ. Tom Brady had a respectable 26-point day vs. the Bills. TE Jason Witten put up a nice 10 points vs. Arizona (though his counterpart on the bench Brandon Pettigrew had 13 points). Brandon Lloyd got back to doing what he had been doing for most of the season, and that's rack up 100-yard games, earning a fat 16 points vs. the Texans. But the MVP of Humor Bowl III was Dwayne Bowe, coming on strong when we needed him most with a sick 26 points against the Titans. Everyone else, however, failed to live up to the People's expectations. Number One Pick Chris Johnson: 5 points. Peyton Hillis: 3 points. Matt Bryant: 2 points. Tampa Bay Defense: 3 points. Those aren't championship numbers, guys. You're lucky LOBO had even bigger problems with his team.

But we had to wait until Tuesday night's Eagles/Vikings game to find out who would be 2010 HBFFL champion. The People feared that LOBO's Michael Vick would throw a bear into orbit, erasing the 50-point lead Renal Failure had built up over the weekend and Monday night and creating a Humor Bowl Miracle much like the Miracle at the Meadowlands 2. But alas, Michael Vick had no more miracles left, which proves that Our Lady of Tight Denim Victory Ines Sainz (pictured above) is the supreme deity of Fantasy Football. Take that, Jesus! In your face, Mohammed! Suck it, Zoroaster!


Other teams are world champions, but only Renal Failure is a "WORLD FUCKING CHAMPION."

We have to take a look at our opponent, the good twin in this Fantasy Football dichotomy. LOBO's season was almost a mirror of ours:

• Both teams had decent drafts (RF with the Number One pick getting Chris Johnson, then Tom Brady in Round Two, and Dwayne Bowe in Round Five; LOBO snagged in his first three picks Maurice Jones-Drew, Stephen Jackson, and Vernon Davis who along with Malcolm Floyd were the only players to remain on the PredPress roster the entire season).
• Both PredPress and R. Failure pulled off big trades to solidify their lineups (LOBO got Vick and Brandon Jackson off Rambler for Dustin Keller and BenJarvus-Green Ellis. LOBO then released BJax, who Renal Failure picked up and used to beat Rambler in Week Nine. (Note: We now open the floor to debate whether that trade was worse than Rambler's trade with R. Failure last season regarding Stephen Jackson and Chad Ochocinco for Steve Slaton and Jerricho Cotchery).
• Both teams worked the waiver wire to gain the edge over their opponents (RF snatching up the Number One Scoring WR in the HBFFL Brandon Lloyd and LOBO making enough moves to swap his whole roster six times over). Both teams finished 8-6, after winning their final game of the season.
• And most of all, both teams are the two of the elite smack-talkers in the HBFFL.

Clearly to everyone in retrospect, these two teams were destined face each other in the Championship Game. The question now was which team would come out on top. Would Renal Failure's experience last year carry the People's Champ this year? Who on the Renal Roster was going to throw a bear into orbit? Chris Johnson? Tom Brady? Matt Bryant? Could LOBO ride Michael Vick to the biggest win in Predator Press history? Would SJax and MJD step their game up to win against the team that rode them to the finals last year? Would LOBO's receivers rise to the challenge? Who, by Odin's beard and Ines Sainz's tight denim ass, would be Humor Bowl III Champion?

Well, LOBO found out that bad things often happen to good teams when it comes time for the final championship game. LOBO lost Maurice Jones-Drew to injury and opted to go with Santana Moss instead of Lagarrette Blount (who we had kind words for last week in our preview post). Moss had a respectable 8 points, outscoring both PredPress WR's Vincent Jackson (5pts) and Larry Fitzgerald (2pts), but Blount had a big 21-point day. The extra 13 points wouldn't have beaten Renal Failure, but it would have made that Eagles game even more uncomfortable to watch (it already was since we at the Failure are Eagles fans, way to fall apart, guys).

Also LOBO switched out the Jacksonville Defense for the Dallas Defense, as if LOBO was doing the opposite of what we predicted he'd do in our preview post. Well, the Cowboys had a miserable one point while Jacksonville had three. We would declare that our Jedi Mind Trick powers of fooling other teams to bench productive players had finally delivered us a victory, but we didn't say anything about Santonio Holmes and his 12-points, which when combined with Lagarette Blount's day would have defeated the People's Champ and given him a Humor Bowl ring.


LOBO made us have a sad in Week 7... we now return the favor... WITH METAL!

And so Renal Failure has continued the trend of the loser of the previous year's championship game winning it all the following year. This also means, like those previous winners Chris and Joe, that R. Failure will miss the playoffs in 2011. And it also means that LOBO will win Humor Bowl IV next season (we're also predicting The Ramblers will lose that game and then win it all in 2012). But everyone can worry about all that mayhem when the NFL preseason rolls around. Right now, it's celebration time for Renal Failure and The People. Celebration time that we have damn well earned considering how awful our season started, and how gloriously we turned it around to win not one but TWO fantasy football titles.

The reign of Chris and his Daleks, Death Star, and his Bearataur is over. Long live Renal Failure, your new champion.


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Renal Failure did lose in the championship game of the 7-team league he was in, but that league wasn't nearly as cool or prestigious as this one.

Week 16 Humor Bowl III Preview: Renal Failure vs. Predator Press

by Renal Failure


Any team that gets in Renal Failure's way is soon to be de-meated...

Well, this is the day that every Fantasy Football owner dreams of seeing. After 14 weeks of regular season strife and misery just to gain a place in the playoffs and one more week of sudden death mayhem that could cruelly erase the previous 14 weeks of struggle, two teams have clawed their way to the glorious Week 16: CHAMPIONSHIP WEEK. Or as we call it here at the HBFFL blog: The Humor Bowl. And by we, we mean just Renal Failure (or as The Situation would call the People's Champ: R. Failure) because no one else has called it that before.

Renal Failure vs. Predator Press. Both teams went 8-6, both teams started 2-4, both pulled off key trades mid-season to fuel their playoff runs (R. Failure getting Peyton Hillis from Chris, LOBO getting Michael Vick from Unfinished Rambler), and both had five-game winning streaks in the second half of the season to clinch playoff berths (though R. Failure had 89 more points to grab the 3-seed). Yes, these two have much in common, so we needed to find the smartest person in the world to break down which team will take home the championship in the HBFFL.


That is the smartest thing we have ever seen...

Quarterback: Michael Vick vs. Tom Brady. The battle for NFL MVP ends here. Yahoo! stats have both with the same amount of points for the season, tying for fourth in the league, even though Vick played in fewer games because of injury. Tom Brady may have invented throwing bears into outer space, but Vick has thrown more bears into deep space than anyone this season, and his matchup vs. Minnesota is more of an Orbital Bear Warning than Brady's matchup vs. Buffalo. Still, never count out Tom Brady. Advantage: Predator Press.

Running Back: Chris Johnson vs. Maurice Jones-Drew. MJD is fighting off injuries and hasn't practiced all week, leaving his active status in doubt until Sunday. If MJD can't go, he'll have to go with Tampa Bay's Lagarrette Blount, who has put up a decent 54 points in the last four weeks. LOBO could pick up MJD backup Rashad Jennings... if Renal Failure didn't snag him off the waiver wire in a bit of defensive free agency strategy. Speaking of Renal Failure, the People's Champ will be starting Chris Johnson - third in RB scoring in the HBFFL - who has a nice matchup vs. Kansas City this week, has put up consecutive 20+ point games, and has the competitive fire to continuously prove that he the best rusher in the NFL. Advantage: Renal Failure.


Ines Sainz has wisdom that can only be expressed through tight denim...

Wide Receivers: LOBO hit the early-season inactive WR lottery with Vincent Jackson last week, and VJax is playing the lowly Bengals in Week 16, though you're never sure who Philip Rivers will throw to from game-to-game (though it helps that Antonio Gates is out). Also LOBO is starting 2008 Renal Failure Team MVP Larry Fitzgerald, who has struggled because of the bad QB situation in Arizona. But luckily he's playing a Dallas defense that stops no one. R. Failure, however, has the Number One scoring WR in the HBFFL Brandon Lloyd, who seems to be Tim Tebow's only viable target. And Dwayne Bowe (5th in WR scoring) is coming out of a slump, has Matt Cassell throwing to him again, and has a great matchup against a weak Tennessee defense. Advantage: Push

Tight End: Vernon Davis (3rd in TE scoring) has been rather erratic, putting up a big fat zero last week. And while he's got a favorable matchup against St. Louis, the QB situation in San Francisco is murky, which favors Brian Westbrook more than VD. Jason Witten (2nd in TE scoring) is on a hot streak and looks to be Jon Kitna's favorite target, and considering how horrid Dallas's running game has been we expect Kitna to throw the rock a lot vs. Arizona. Advantage: Renal Failure

Flex Option: Peyton Hillis finished as the 2nd-highest scoring RB in the league, but is facing the always-tough Baltimore Ravens Defense this week (though he ran right threw them in Week 3) and has been in a bit of a late-season slump, as if carrying the entire Cleveland Browns on his shoulders is starting to wear on him. Stephen Jackson (13th in RB scoring) has been a consistent performer but has only scored more than 20 points three times this season. The 49ers, if they're smart will look to stack SJax at the line and force Sam Bradford to beat them. Advantage: Predator Press


Some stare Ines Sainz and see only lustful splendor. Others see the secrets of the universe unfurled before them like the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey. Except hotter...

Kicker: Matt Bryant was 3rd among kickers in scoring and has an important game against New Orleans that could clinch up 1st place for the Falcons. Adam Vinateri was 5th in kicker scoring and has an important game against Oakland to keep the Colts playoff hopes alive. It's going to come down to a question of which team's offense stalls out more often in field goal range against the opposing defense, and the defending Super Bowl Champion Saints' defense has a lot more to play for than the Raiders'. Advantage: Renal Failure

Defense/Special Teams: LOBO's rolling with Jacksonville vs. Washington, which isn't a bad idea considering the Skins are starting Rex Grossman, who is better known for having QB ratings lower than my blood alcohol level. R. Failure is sticking with Tampa Bay, who despite their decimated ranks, is still projected for 10 points against the sickly Seattle Seahawks. But that might be wishful thinking on the part of the number crunchers at Yahoo! Advantage: Predator Press.

And the advantage is: a tie. Shit... okay, so that didn't solve anything. Let's look at the official numbers then. Yahoo! is projecting a 107-103 victory for LOBO and Predator Press (though many of those points for LOBO are dependent on MJD playing on Sunday), and Yahoo! was correct last week in projecting wins for R. Failure and PredPress. It's an uphill battle for the People's Champion, but they've faced adversity before and rose to the challenge. Then again, so has LOBO because we are similar teams. Damn it. Okay... this is the moment of truth, where everything we've claimed and appropriated for ourselves over the past three years is going to have to come to pass for R. Failure to win. Circling the Wagons, employing the chaotic energy of the Wild Card (bitches!), being granted victory through the divinity of Our Lady of Tight Denim Victory Ines Sainz, invoking the power of The People... all of these things must come to pass for Renal Failure to win Humor Bowl III and prevent the only team to lose to Bex's Battling Butterflies from taking home the glory and honor of the HBFFL championship.


We've run the numbers through our special Fantasy Football Battle Simulator and have determined that LOBO is a red-skinned oiled-up Turkish guy in leather pants and Renal Failure has rocket boots, electric gloves, and a nice rack...

The trends say that the team that lost the previous year's championship game wins the next year, so R. Failure has that going for them. But it may take a lot more than trends to keep LOBO from taking what rightfully belongs to the People.

HUMOR BOWL III: It's like SuperBowl III except both teams are drunk Joe Namath.


___________________________________________________________
Renal Failure is also projected to lose to LOBO 96-94 in LOBO's FTWL championship game. But remember, NO ONE CIRCLES THE WAGONS LIKE RENAL FAILURE!

Punching the People's Ticket to the Championship Game

by Renal Failure


Play this video twice to get the full brutality of Unfinished Rambler's weekend in Fantasy Football...

Your People's Champion is heading back to the HBFFL Championship by way of a 104-81 victory over The Ramblers. And doubly upsetting for the Ramblers is that they also lost against us in LOBO's FTWL league as well, leaving not even a quantum of solace for the Unfinished One and his impressive fantasy season (10-4, with a league-leading 1407 points, 7 more than Renal Failure) after missing last year's playoffs. But Rambler thought he could harness the power of Ines Sainz but cutting it with a little Jenn Sterger, and Our Lady of Victory smote him with great vengeance and furious anger... and tight pants.

Rambler's end can be traced to his team catching the injury bug late in the season, losing Frank Gore for the year in Week 12 and Aaron Rodgers for at least Week 15. Other teams had been bitten by injuries earlier in the season (like Renal Failure) and had made the proper adjustments to their lineup come playoff time. Rambler, whose lack of depth had already been exploited by Renal Failure earlier this year during RF's season-saving five-game win streak, was left to depend on Jon Kitna for his playoff life, as well as Deion Branch, Rob Gronkowski, and BenJarvus Green-Ellis in an attempt to mitigate Tom Brady's potential bear-tossing damage.

Now, the Kitna plan would have worked out just peachy keen for Rambler (33pts) except for the fact that Kitna was throwing a lot to Renal Failure's Jason Witten (25pts), thus negating all of Kitna's hard work (which we totally foresaw in last week's preview) . Also, Rambler's multiple Patriot gamble backfired because he didn't play the one Patriot that Tom Brady threw his scores to against Green Bay, Aaron Hernandez (16pts on the Rambler bench, compared to the 2pts Gronkowski got from Brady; we suspect Rambler was scared off from starting Hernandez because he was coming off an injury). Also Brady had a mediocre 20-point day vs. the Packers, translating into worse days for Branch and Green-Ellis (though Ramblers choice of New England for his defense was really good, 15pts). And with Rodgers out, Rambler put his boundless faith into Arian Foster, who hadn't had a bad week all season... until now. Five points for the Number One Running Back in Fantasy Football. Yeah, Rambler's season was pretty much over once the final gun sounded on that Tennessee/Houston game with Foster laying an egg at the worst possible time. Underperformance by your stud players is a pain Renal Failure knows all too well... and would like other teams to share...


Revenge is a dish best served busty and scantily clad...

Chris Johnson was back on his game for The People with a 24-point day against the Texans. Even with Tim Tebow under center, Brandon Lloyd got 13 points (and pretty much accounted for all of Tebow's passing yards too). But the People were disappointed with Peyton Hillis's weak 7-point game, as well as with Dwayne Bowe's 5-point blah game with Matt Cassel returning as Chiefs QB. Weaker than that was the Tampa Bay defense getting a big fat zero against Detroit. But at least Matt Bryant kicked himself a 1o-spot vs. Seattle.

So who will be Renal Failure's opponent this year in Humor Bowl III? It's LOBO and Predator Press, pulling off the 4th seed upset over the first place 12-2 regular season champ Bourbon Blasters 134-69. Michael Vick threw a 54-point bear through the wormhole and into Peacekeeper territory, along with Vincent Jackson's 33-point mauling of San Francisco. Joe lost Knowshon Moreno early in the Broncos game, though it would have made little difference if he had played the whole day considering the margin of victory LOBO racked up on the Blasters.

Funny thing is, Joe beat LOBO last week, which actually gave LOBO the 4-seed and the playoff rematch. But Joe's not wishing he would have tanked that last game, for then Renal Failure would have been the 4-seed and still would have beaten the Blasters. So Joe, you were damned if you did, damned if you didn't, and now you're playing for 3rd place against the Ramblers.

The only HBFFL team to have a worse two week span than Joe is Bryan and his Bald Spots team. Not only did their loss to absentee Team Krapsody knock them out of the playoffs in Week 14, but in Week 15 as the 5-seed in the consolation playoffs they got beat by 8-seed What the Canuck? after Adrian Petersen was deactivated for the Monday Night Vikings/Bears game. Such a rough way to end a good season for the Bald Spots.... going 7-2 and then losing the last four of five to miss the playoffs... then falling victim to the 8th-seed Canuck. At least if he lost to an American he could salvage some bit of pride. That should make him hungry for next year for sure.


Ninja Vicki and Samurai Cathy would like to point out that La Machine beat Team Krapsody to move on to see who finishes fifth. They would also like to point out that, for the good of keeping his intestines on the inside, LOBO should seriously consider starting Ben Roethlisberger instead of Michael Vick.

Anyway, back to Predator Press... LOBO has been found guilty in the People's Court of trying dick-ride our Ines Sainz devotion to fantasy football success, and next week Renal Failure has the chance to carry out the sentence on him in not just the HBFFL but his own FTWL as well, considering he won his playoff game there too. Can the People's Champion become an actual champion? Can Renal Failure be a multiple league champion? Or will the HBFFL be cursed to suffer the reign of a manager who averaged over four roster changes a week in 2010? Plus, keep in mind this is a revenge game as LOBO squeaked out a win against your People's Champion in Week 7. And you know how much Renal Failure loves revenge games because NO ONE CIRCLES THE WAGONS LIKE THE WILD CARD, BITCHES!


And we look good in black leather too...

Our preview of HUMOR BOWL III and the grand finale of the 2010 HBFFL season will be later this week. Until then, keep waving those Renal Failure towels high in the air.


___________________________________________________________
Renal Failure is in the championship game in three out of the four leagues they are in, and is a firm believer that Farscape is the far superior science-fiction show than the overrated crap known as Firefly.

I got 145 problems but a Canuck ain't one

That's what 145 points tastes like when you only have 118...

Is there anyone left out there who doubts Renal Failure?

The Wild Card (bitches!) is going to the HBFFL Championships to face La Machine. The People's Champion vs. The Commissioner.

We'll do our review now since we've got computer issues that will keep us from doing our usual late week post. Besides, Chris probably has a post in the works with lots of graphics of Bearataurs humping Daleks and giving birth to Death Stars full of Sith spiders and we don't want to follow that.

So let's look at the trends...

FACT: In 2008, the team that finished first in the regular season and scored the most points went on to win the championship (Fantasy Virgin a.k.a. Defending Champions). Renal Failure finished first and scored the most points in 2009.

FACT: La Machine is 0-1 in HBFFL championship games.

FACT: Renal Failure is now 3-0 this season in avenging prior losses (even if two of those losses were grudges from last season). La Machine ended our nine-game winning streak in Week 10 and has not yet tasted retribution for that.

In the final days of the 2009 HBFFL season The People's Champion is one win away from being an Actual Champion. The countdown is on...


This is the greatest song ever created and you are wrong to think otherwise...

Do you hear that? It's not sleigh bells. It's the People chanting Renal Failure's name. And they want a HBFFL Championship sitting by the Festivus Pole.

---To paraphrase the late great Ol' Dirty Bastard: Renal Failure is for the children.

Fantasy Virgin Wins HBFFL Super Bowl

Folks, if you are just tuning in, I'm Greg Gumbel. Usually that is all you need to know but if you really want the HBFFL Super Bowl results, Leigh from Leigh Online's fantasy football team Fantasy Virgin have beaten Chris Cameron's team, La Machine 95-94.

We now go live to Jim Nantz who's standing by at the Super Bowl award ceremony, sponsored by Iced Gravy. Nothing refreshes like Iced Gravy. Try the new veal and pork flavors today at your local Kroger's. Jim?

So I said rectum, it damn near killed 'em! What we're live?

I'm Jim Nantz and here is the HBFFL's commisioner, Chris Cameron to present both the Championship and the MVP trophy in what was an amazing season of fantasy football. Chris?

Thanks Jim, Greg, and to everyone involved in our first season of the HBFFL. It was a fun ride and there were lots of twists and turns, especially when our league lost its only sponsor, IndyMac. We found another sponsor and even our worst teams won more games then the Detroit Lions. In the end the two best teams played each other in a championship match for the ages.

On behalf of the HBFFL I am proud to present the 2008 Chico's Bail Bonds Championship Trophy to Leigh and the Fantasy Virgins. Congratulations Leigh.


The 2008 HBFFL Super Bowl MVP is awarded to the highest-scoring player in the Championship game. This year the award goes to quarterback Jay Cutler who threw for 359 yards and two touchdowns. He also ran for 30 yards. Congratulations Jay.


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[Don't forget to see what Rambler got you all for Christmas.]