Saturday, October 15, 2011

Week 6: Bloodbath Warning is in Effect

by 2010 HBFFL Champion Renal Failure

Artistic rendering of a Renal Failure vs. Bald Spots fantasy football matchup...

The Un-Ramblers escaped with a win over your People's Champion last week 101-92. The Jason Campbell experiment at QB didn't work like we thought (Tony Romo was on a bye week), and only someone from the future would have picked DeAngelo Williams to have a much better day than Chris Johnson. Brandon Lloyd continues to struggle, but Megatron still delivers for the People and made it a close game. We'll get another shot at Rambler in Week 14, and at full strength too.

Now to the task at hand... Bald Spots. As regular readers of this blog will know, Renal Failure and Bald Spots have quite a history playing against each other. It was Bald Spots vs. Renal Failure back in 2009 when Tom Brady had his 60-point game that gave birth to the fantasy football phrase "throwing a bear into outer space" to denote a ridiculously awesome fantasy performance by a player (note: Renal Failure survived to win that game). The next year, Bald Spots threw all sorts of bears into outer space with a 156-86 victory in Week Three of the 2010 season. Renal Failure returned the favor in Week 13 with a 166-76 nuclear holocaust where Tom Brady (now on Renal Failure team), Peyton Hillis, and Dwayne Bowe outscored not only the entire Bald Spots starting roster on their own with 126 points between them, they outscored every other team in the HBFFL that day.

When Bald Spots and Renal Failure get together, it's never pretty.

Why don't you enjoy hurting me as much as I enjoy hurting you?

The matchup for Week 6 doesn't look so painful... for Renal Failure. Yes, Bald Spots has Tom Brady slinging the rock in a favorable matchup with Dallas, but that means Tony Romo will be throwing just as much as well. CJ2K is out for Renal Failure, but that just gives us the chance to see if DeAngelo Williams is the real deal after two outstanding rushing weeks. Brandon Lloyd is also on a bye, but it's almost like he's been on a bye week for most of the season anyway. The Philadelphia Eagles are looking to stop being embarrassed week after week so a big week from Shady McCoy is likely. And then there's Megatron, who murders Autobots and catches touchdowns every single week.

Bald Spots are in a jam, Tom Brady and Vernon Davis aside. They're relying on BenJarvus Green-Ellis for their running attack, which is never a sure thing. Vincent Jackson is out on a bye week and Bryan doesn't have a lot of receiving options on his roster. In fact, as of this post, he's going with David Nelson of the Bills and Jordy Nelson of the Packers as his WR and Flex options. They might be serviceable but neither tickle the "Bear in orbit" meter.

Bryan might be better off playing Matthew & Gunnar than David and Jordy... also, this might be the first-ever Nelson joke in Fantasy Football history...

The Yahoo! number-crunchers have Renal Failure winning 102-81(mainly because Bryan hasn't switched out Vincent Jackson yet, but if he puts in Anquan Boldin the score is 102-90), but the People know that it won't be that close. Someone's spending Week 6 in a lot of pain, and we're not counting on it being us.

Renal Failure is the defending 2010 HBFFL champion, the defending 2010 FTWL champion, and The People's Champion. Renal Failure suggests putting "Hobo with a Shotgun" in your Netflix queue. But you're not ready for Ichi the Killer. You need to work up to that movie.

1 comment:

Chris C said...

I second that on Hobo with a Shotgun. The director by the way is the same one who created the Jack Chop video.