Thursday, December 6, 2012

The People's Week 14: Crawling to the Finish Line

by Renal Failure

Another team's playoff hopes crippled by your People's Champion...

Renal Failure racks up another meaningless victory for the People, defeating What The Canuck? for the 2nd time this season with a 97-80 win and delivering a heavy blow to Canucklehead's playoff chances by dropping him to 6-7 (because no team has gotten into the HBFFL playoffs with 7 losses). Your People's Champ was well-served by Josh Gordon's 24-point day and supported by the 15-point performances by Trent Richardson, C.J. Spiller, and Jason Witten.  RGIII had a pedestrian 19-point day to seal the victory for the Failure.

Canucklehead was ill-served by Andre Johnson and Reggie Wayne's 5-points. Vernon Davis continues to struggle at the TE position with a 1-point day (matching our Davone Bess).  Matt Stafford made it competitive with a 28-point game vs Indy but it wasn't enough to save his Week 13 and his playoff hopes.

Canada is 1-3 vs. The People's Champion in 2012.  Go tell you troubles to the Queen!

Fortunately for Canuck, it's not over yet because this has been a rough season for a lot of teams in the HBFFL, and the massive pile-up in the middle of the standings has given teams one last shot at redemption. Canuck, Bourbon Blasters, and Predator Press sit at 6-7.  Just above them for the last two spots in the playoffs are Purple Drank and Future Ex-Cons at 7-6.  A loss by either Chris C.'s Purple Drank or Troi's Ex-Cons in Week 14 opens the door for one of the 6-7 teams a chance to sneak in, provided they win their own Week 14 game and win the points tie-breaker. Let's look at each team's chances...

What the Canuck? plays Future Ex-Cons.  A Canuck win would eliminate Ex-Cons because Troi's squad is 32 points behind Canuck. In fact, Troi has the 2nd-least amount of points out of the teams with a playoff chance so either Troi wins or he's pretty much a goner from the playoffs. 

Bourbon Blasters has the most points of the 6-7 teams, but they're playing a Bald Spots squad that has caught fire with Adrian Peterson and Megatron throwing bears into orbit late in the season. But if Joe's team can pull out a win, they'll be in the best position to win a tie-breaker, provided either Ex-Cons or Purple Drank loses.

Predator Press is... fucked.  No, really. It's the most accurate term for their situation. They're playing number one seed Unfinished Person, the highest scoring team in the HBFFL, and they have the least amount of points out of the contending teams so their chances of winning a tie-breaker is non-existent (they're 122 points behind Bourbon Blasters, 59 behind Ex-Cons, 91 behind Canuck, and 86 behind Purple Drank).  So LOBO will not be repeating as HBFFL champ but he will be restoring the old trend of the HBFFL champion missing the playoffs the season after winning it all (a trend your People's Champ broke last year by making the playoffs and almost repeating as champion - if only Tony Romo didn't break his damn hand during the our Week 16 championship game).

Sorry LOBO, but the facts don't lie... you're fucked six ways this Sunday...

Purple Drank may appear to be in the best position to make the playoffs, with their decent point total (only 5 behind Canuck, 36 behind Bourbon, and ahead of Troi by 27) and their scheduled Week 14 game against the last place team in the HBFFL: Renal Failure.  But appearances can be deceiving because two other teams are tied with your People's Champ at 5-8 at the bottom of the league standings - we're just 10th behind Bald Spots and NoNames because of our point-scoring troubles.

But it appears Renal Failure has found their scoring touch, which means bad news for Purple Drank who only beat us in 76-68 because RGIII got injured halfway through his game vs. Atlanta.  And now your People's Champ has momentum, winning not only two straight games but ruining the playoff chances of those two teams in the process.  Why not a hat trick of misery by Renal Failure, inflicting the same pain we've felt all season long? A Purple Drank lost with a Bourbon Blasters or What The Canuck? win could sink Chris's season.

Can Chris get big days from Beast Mode and CJ2K?  Will his decision to go with Andy Dalton at QB instead of making an offer to us for Tom Brady or RGIII spell his playoff doom?  Can Renal Failure escape the HBFFL basement - and who the hell will they play at QB this week?  Yahoo!'s calling for a Purple Drank win, but ask Canuck and Nonamedufus what being projected to win these past few weeks against The Wild Card of Fantasy Football Renal Failure did for them?  

It's down to the wire here in the HBFFL, and a bunch of people are going to come out of it disappointed.

Renal Failure is The People Champion and The Wild Card (bitches!) of Fantasy Football. Week 14 starts our playoffs in our 12-man and 8-man leagues. The less said about our FTWL team the better. We consider that our experimental team, and a lot of our hypotheses this year have not worked out at all.


Chris C said...

You forgot about Bryce Brown.

Chris C said...

And why would I alleviate you from the weekly problem of which QB to start? Better pick right this week.

LOBO said...

"Fucked" in more ways than you even know lol. I have to apologize to the league. I had a major crisis that had me on autopilot for about a month.

The funny part is I'm in first place in the FTWL. Fate has a strange sense of humor ...