Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Tuesday Morning QB: Canadians, eh...no question mark


Yes, Canadians, best known for hockey and curling...

 ...they really shouldn't play football.

To wit (or not too witty really when you think about it), this past weekend the two Canadians in our league, Canucklehead and nonamedufus, left a total of 236 points on their benches. Canucklehead left 133 points as he lost 105-71 to Joe; nonames, 103, 83-56 to me.

In Canucklehead's defense, even though he gave up the (much) larger portion of points I would have chosen most of the players he did too: Stafford over Rivers, Andre Johnson over Miles Austin and the Giants D over the Bills D. I would have played Ahmad Bradshaw in the flex spot over Tampa Bay's Mike Williams too. Even not choosing McGahee over Forte or Bradshaw wouldn't have been a bad choice under normal circumstances. How was he to know that Forte and Bradshaw would be injured? So I can't really fault him for much of anything other than his being Canadian, which is bad enough.

But not to be a sore winner or anything, I can fault nonames. In particular, I have to single out his choice of Reggie Bush over Michael Bush. Admittedly, I picked up Michael in the other league in which I play, but to pick him against Reggie? Nyuh. Reggie had 26 carries for 174 yards and two touchdowns for a total of 38 fantasy points in our league, while Michael had 14 rushes for 54 yards for a mere 5 points.

No shit, Sherlock.

Now so that you don't think I'm being too cruel to nonames, in his defense, selecting Aaron Rodgers (14 fantasy points) over Big Ben (21) most weeks is a no-brainer.

However, picking James Jones (0 fantasy points) over Victor Cruz (30) is...well...a brainer...right upside the head. Jones is as of yet an unproven quantity; Cruz, already a proven ass-kicker.

Sheesus, Canadians.

Keep your sticks on the ice already.


LOBO said...

I can’t believe this. Michael Turner
is virtually the only player I have not in triage. I want these guys all ratcheted up on steroids, meth and Wild Turkey across the board: we would never make it to halftime, but that first quarter would be amazing.

Speaking of the Falcons bein’ dumb, what’s with Matt Ryan and Matt Bryant? Isn’t that just totally confusing? What if that throwy guy that yells a lot gets mixed up with that other guy that does the foot-thing? And why does that guy do the foot thing at all? Is he so mad at the ball he wants to launch the ball totally out of the stadium in his vacuous, insatiable, foot-fueled rage? And who pays for that? I’ll bet throwy guy would really yell if he accidentally got a bill for lost footballs due to clerical error.

Man the Falcons are dumb.

What if Matts Ryan and Bryant both went to dinner with Rex Ryan? That waitress could totally confuse who got the deep fried bacon mozzarella bricks –a grave error indeed; one of the Matts looks kinda vegetarian. Would he get furious and proceed to launch the entire entree platter out of the restaurant in his vacuous, insatiable, foot-fueled rage?

And who pays for that?

Unfinished Person said...

Do you have anything constructive to say on this post? ;)

You do know that you can write your own blog post, pal, right?

That said, I have Matt Bryant on one of my teams and have no confusion. Also the Falcons won last night. I don't think that's dumb.

nonamedufus said...


LOBO said...

lol I'm just teasing, revved up on 3rd cup of coffee.

-Plus when the Canadians finally get sick of our crap and just invade, our new benevolent overlords will need someone trustworthy to explain where our Nation's Capitol is so they can blast it to slag as an example to all.

Hey, you live in Pennsylvania, right?

LOBO said...

Unless he plays hockey too, I fail to see what this has to do with Michael Turner frankly.

Anthony said...

I have played fantasy football for a number of years now, and I have made countless, dumb decisions. At least, I chide myself for it after the fact (usually looks like a great idea to me at the time).

LOBO said...

Agreed Anthony! Cool fantasy football blog btw. These HBFFL guys are snooty, but when I get a chance I'll link ya at PredatorPress.com.

But speaking of links, are any of you guys listening to smodcast? Kevin Smith [Clerks, Dogma] and his Canadian buddy Scott Smosier pour gasoline over American/Canadian entertainment and relations on a regular basis ... a lot of this stuff is a side-splitting riot. Batman and Harry Potter are not exempt!


Chris, as a fellow Star Wars-head this one is for you personally:


20 mins in, I was tearing up laughing.

renalfailure said...

Sometimes you have a good fantasy football week, other times it's like Superman donkey punching Wonder Woman, which is still kind of good but a little awkward.

Unfinished Person said...

Oh, Anthony, I'm the king of the countless, dumb decisions. Just ask any one of my fellow managers here...

...better yet, don't ask them ;).

LOBO said...

Too late! I'm running the spreadsheet now; if His Majesty doesn't make any more, it will be done printing in mid-October.

One can only assume Anthony has a loading doc equipped with forklifts to receive the documents.