Friday, November 6, 2009

Week 9 Preview: Renal Failure vs. Defending Champions

Do you know the Klingon proverb that tells us revenge is a dish best served cold? It is very cold on the Internet.

With last year's loss to the Ramblers avenged, Renal Failure's attention goes to our next opportunity for vengeance.

Last season Defending Champions (then known as Fantasy Virgin) racked up two victories over the People's Champion, including one in Week 13 that buried in the People's playoff hopes. But this season both these teams find themselves swapping roles. Now it is Renal Failure riding high atop the standings and Fantasy Virgin/Defending Champions fighting for a playoff berth. DefChamps are 4-4 and tied for 3rd with What the Canuck? (aka. the Ducky, losers of their last four games) and Predator Press (who beat Canuck this past week thanks to the Saints DEF), and right behind them are five ravenous 3-5 teams waiting to pounce (and the Bald Spots have the hot hand with a 2-game winning streak).

So what are the chances that the Defending Champions (aka the Brains) can end the undefeated streak of the Macho Fantasy Football Donkey Wrestler known as Renal Failure? Pretty decent, actually, despite what the Yahoo! projections say (111-89 in favor of RF as of Thursday night while we were watching Trailer Park Boys). Drew Brees is always dangerous and has a good matchup against Carolina, Cedric Benson is well rested coming off a bye week, and Andre Johnson is feeling better after bruising a lung a few games ago.

But the Wild Card (bitches!) get Chad Ochocinco coming off a bye as well, Pierre Thomas will also be facing that porous Carolina defense, and Maurice Jones-Drew is facing the Kansas City Chiefs in what we like to call a potential "Entire-Berenstain-Bears-Family-in-Orbit" matchup.

The People's Champion will be without Stephen Jackson though, but bye weeks haven't bitten Renal Failure in the ass so far this season. The Great One has already survived byes for Ochocinco, Hines Ward, Philip Rivers, Jones-Drew, the Philadelphia Eagles Defense, and Dallas Clark. How did we do it, you may ask? Because nobody circles the wagons like Renal Failure.

And just because LOBO called Renal Failure "a juggernaut" earlier this week, the People's Champion gives you this...

Yeah... you'd better know who Renal Failure is.

---Renal Failure will leave you as left me, as you left her... marooned for all eternity in the center of a dead planet... buried alive!

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