Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and mutter "Lucky son of a bitch!"

"I think she's talking to you, Joe..."

Fact: In 2008, no team beat all nine teams in the HBFFL. Fantasy Virgin/Defending Champions went 0-1 against The White Strypers and Predator Press. La Machine went 0-2 against the White Strypers. And the White Strypers went 0-2 against the Washington Crooks.

[Ed note: La Machine actually did beat Strypers in the playoffs. And sorry for the incomplete note earlier hehe.]

Fact: In 2009, Renal Failure (9-0) has a win over every team in the HBFFL.

Week 9 has passed and Renal Failure survives again, and no we're not talking about another Tom Brady 60-point scare. We're talking about winning by the slimmest of margins. The kind of win that makes Rambler break out the Megadeath "Skin of My Teeth" video.

The Great One's 101-100 victory over Defending Champions may make Chris C. of La Machine feel better about losing to the Champs (then Fantasy Virgin) in last year's championship game by a single point, but the People's Champion is less sanguine about avenging last year's defeats to FV/DC.

Defending Champions (aka the Brains of the HBFFL) took a gamble by playing RB Jamaal Charles in the Flex spot this week, based on the advice of so-called "experts" who expected him to throw up big bear-in-orbit points this week against the Jaguars in the absence of Larry Johnson. Instead Charles only scored 6 points while Cedric Benson (22 points) and Miles Austin (11 points, all scored on one catch, mind you) sat on the DC bench.

Renal Failure survives again, and we might have to send Matthew Berry of ESPN Fantasy Football a thank you card for making DC outsmart himself.

Defending Champs post-game press conference...

But at least DefChamps can take pride that he changed his mind about starting Michael Crabtree over Andre Johnson and that his Seattle Seahawks Defense gambit paid off nicely with that late 4th quarter interception and touchdown by Josh Wilson, turning a 95-92 Renal Failure lead (courtesy of Philip Rivers' late game heroics against the Giants) into a 100-95 beacon of hope that was extinguished by the slimmest of margins in the Sunday night game by the Philadelphia Eagles Defense doing the bare minimum for the People's Champ (6pts). DC released his previous DEF, San Diego, earlier in the week and the Chargers only put up 7pts on the G-Men.

(Note: If the Eagles D failed us, this post would probably have been titled Matt Stafford Ruined Our Season With That Interception And Should Get The Swine AIDS.)

Not to say Renal Failure was Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius this week either. The People's Champ left WR Hines Ward and his 16 Monday Night points on the bench while Chad Ochocinco underperformed against Baltimore (projected for 10pts, only got 6). Maurice Jones-Drew didn't throw a bear into outer space this week as projected, instead earning a respectable 18 points. He fell just three rushing yards short of hitting the 100 yard bonus in his game against the Chiefs, though that would have only given him 24pts when he was projected for 26.

But at least TJ Houshmandzadeh and Pierre Thomas (filling in for Stephen Jackson during his bye week) performed exactly as projected (9pts and 14pts respectively), and Dallas Clark continued to dominate at tight end (14 catches, 119 yards for 16 pts, projected for 11).

Renal Failure survives again, walking that razor's edge. For the life of the Wild Card (bitches!) is a perilous one. That's why we bring chicks with swords with us.

Ninja Vicki and Samurai Cathy strongly suggest you start Tavaris Jackson...

Week 10 for the People's Champion is a rematch with Sith Lord Chris and his 2nd-place La Machine (5-4), who are still smarting from their defeat by Team DuckGirl who not only picked up the injured TE Chris Cooley off the free agent list but started him as well even though he was inactive. The guys in the HBFFL Yahoo! Stattracker chat room on Sunday weren't sure what she was thinking with that move, but Renal Failure knew she had a secret plan (just like how we knew TE Brent Celek would have a TD in the Sunday night game for Prestige Worldwide). You were playing Hungry Hungry Hippos for shits and giggles, she was playing 4-dimensional chess for diamonds and Malaysian boys, and she cleaned up. DuckGirl gets Wild Card props for her boldness. Anyway, we'll have our La Machine/Renal Failure Week 10 preview later this week.

---Renal Failure knows that the undefeated get no pity. Not that he got much of that before.


Chris C said...

Only one thing would make me feel better...winning the championship.

By the way I was the only person to beat 8 out of the 9 teams in the league. :)

LOBO said...

Chris, the way things look the only way you beat RF is if you beat me.


-I thought we had something special!

renalfailure said...

You've been betrayed Lobo! I wanted to be the one to betray you, but you wouldn't let the Wild Card in.