Sunday, November 8, 2009

Predator Press Is Almost Fully Operational. Probably.

Predator Press


Disenchanted by La Machine’s stubborn unwillingness to let me drive their Death Star, Predator Press has commissioned the construction of our own.

-And let me be the first to tell you, our Death Star blows La Machine’s snooty Death Star totally out of the water.

Scrapping the original design entirely, Predator Press scienticians immediately scoured Culiacan, Mexico for the best engineers money can buy.

This baby -stripped clean of needless, cumbersome and expensive frivolous technologies such as engines, plumbing, and life support- comes equipped instead with sixteen casinos, five spas, three water parks, a driving range, miniature golf, nine heated swimming pools (three indoors), cup holders, air bags, and the world renown Predator Press Death Star Steak House and Gift Shop. Plus we’ve got gigantic mud flaps with buxom chick silhouettes on backorder -and once April 2010 rolls around and that custom spoiler and hood scoop comes in, pow, we’ll be ready for some football.

-It's gonna suck for you guys.

But let not your hearts be troubled; all defeated HBFFL members will enjoy extended credit lines, comped rooms, and continental breakfasts. And not lame-assed stale bagel and jelly crap either: this is a first class operation, and you deserve nothing better than stale muffins -muffins that have stuff that is probably fruit already in them!

And what better way to commemorate the humiliating loss you’ve suffered to Predator Press than rounding up the kids and teaching them of the history you were almost part of?


renalfailure said...

Well, your new Death Star certainly isn't Barter Town, for the amount of trade proposals of mine you've shot down. Hold still and let me fleece you!

You might escape with a win this week if Paula doesn't remember Thomas Jones is on a bye.

LOBO said...

lol @ the bartertown thing! It wouldn't be so bad, but you're undefeated, and that's made me utterly paranoid; I would spend hours pouring over the schedules and stuff trying to figure out what you were up to. :)

I was serious however; they were intriguing. I just couldn't figure out how to exploit some of them.

Chris C said...

Well after this weekend I have to build another one. Damn you Team Duckgirl!