As of this date there are two events that are considered the worst things to ever happen to Canada. One is the trade of Wayne Gretzky from the Edmonton Oilers to the Los Angeles Kings in 1988. The other happened this Sunday as What the Canuck?, Canada's representative in the Humor Bloggers Fantasy Football League, fell in the biggest game of the year to the People's Champion, The Wild Card, the Macho Fantasy Football Donkey Wrestler, The Duke of New York...
The now 5-0 Renal Failure... the Great One... the Noble Laureate of the HBFFL.
Not that everything went well for the Great One in Week 5. The People's Champ panicked on Sunday morning about the health of the Manning known as Eli and benched him, and he punished us for our sin by putting up more points in less than one half of football (20) than Shaun Hill did in two (14). RB's Maurice Jones-Drew and Steve Slaton had awful days as well (5 and 8 points respectively), which we suspect was additional punishment for doubting the Holy Spirit of the Manning Trinity. Such anemic performances would sink most teams, but that's why those teams aren't The Wild Card (bitches!).
For this truly was the week of the Wide Receiver in the land of the Macho Fantasy Football Donkey Wrestler. Hines Ward put up 14 solid points and T.J. Houshmandzadeh exploded for more points than letters in his name (19). Add on the 11 points the Eagles Defense gave us and the 7 points Dallas Clark leeched off the Manning known as Peyton, and The Duke of New York (who truly is A-Number-One now) had just enough to pull out a victory.
Of course, it greatly helped the People's cause that most of the Ducky's starting lineup neglected to show up this week. When the kicker outscores both your running backs combined, trouble is abound no matter how awesome the Lord your Peyton is.
So as the winner of the biggest game of the young HBFFL season, the Great One deserves something more for his victory than just undisputed first place. Something from the Ducky. And so we'll be appropriating for ourselves Chris Berman's favorite phrase when talking about Canucklehead's precious Buffalo Bills...
"Nobody circles the wagons like Renal Failure."
Yeah, it's ours now.
---Renal Failure says that just happened.