Sunday, October 9, 2011

They Drink the Drinks, the Drinks they Drank

Predator Press


Millions and millions of times a day, people are always asking me ”LOBO, you’re not going to brag about being #1 in the standings –and undefeated- when you have a shaky wide receiver corps, Matthew Stafford gets injured when you look at him and cross your eyes, and the “Points Against” you are 289 … literally the lowest in the league?”

Hell yes I am.

See, I’ve never seen the movie “Pay it Forward,” but I’ve heard enough to know it largely revolves around an American adaptation of the Karmic Wheel: “What goes around, comes around,” and “Do unto others,” et cetera.

Sure this four-game winning streak is unprecedented in the history of the HBFFL except when other teams have done it. But -infinitely wise, and in full command of the radiant brainiosty of a thousand men (or six or seven women)- I know only too well this is not The Universe finally escalating me to my rightful place in NFL history.  It’s a trick: as soon as they are placing my bust next to Jim Brown's in the Hall of Fame, pow, The Universe will start screwing me once again.

Thus, in the spirit of “Paying it forward,” the 2011 Predator Press juggernaut is seizing upon this opportunity to tell The Universe to go fuck itself: we are helping little old ladies cross the street only to abandon them in the middle of I-94. We are kicking puppies (nobody really likes kicking puppies, but midgets sue).

And perhaps cruelest of all – despite the improbable mathematics -We are sending Purple Drank sprawling to the abyss of 11th place in a 10-team league.

-Mathematicians, doctors, wizards, and other heresy have no place under reign of the mighty Predator Press!

1 comment:

LOBO said...


I may be a loser, Universe ... but you're still a dump!