Wednesday, October 5, 2011

I drink your Purple Drank! I DRINK IT UP!

by 2010 HBFFL Champion Renal Failure

"Ta-da! Your perfect season... it's gone!"

As Chris so correctly and dutifully reminded us in the comments of our last post, he had a four-game winning streak against Renal Failure going into Week 4 of the 2011 season. Emphasis on "had" because the People's Champion has finally wrought revenge on Chris with a decisive 137-76 victory over the highest scoring team in the HBFFL, thus ruining his perfect season and knocking him out of first place.

Revenge is a dish best served cold... and it is very cold in space... where the bears are thrown...

Admittedly, Purple Drank had a very off week compared to their hot start. Matt Schaub put up an anemic ten points, the Rob Gronkowski gravy train ran out, only trickling a single point vs. Oakland, and Mike Wallace and Stevie Johnson underperformed. Even with 11-points, Alex Henery disappointed because he missed two easily-makeable field goals for the Eagles. Only the RB's Ray Rice and Michael Turner turned in notable days for Chris's Purple Drank.

And how does a 61-point loss to Renal Failure feel like? That bad, huh?

The Renal Roster finally got clicking this week, reminding this forgetful league of why Renal Failure is the HBFFL's most dangerous team. Johnson & Johnson lit it up, with CJ2K finally getting into the swing of things with a servicable 16-point day while Megatron just keeps jumping in the end zone and pulling down passes week after damn week (21 points). Tony Romo worked through his broken ribs to give us a big 27-point performance. Brandon Lloyd finally got involved in the Broncos offense, showing everyone why he was first in the league in receiving yards last year with a delicious 18 points. Jason Witten continues to dominate the tight end position with 15 points. Even the New York Jets defense got into the spirit of whooping up on Chris with a 20-point day of their own, assisted by Billy Cundiff's 10-spot. LeSean McCoy had an off-day with only 10-points, but after Ronnie Brown's Wildcat abortion at the goal line we have a feeling Shady is going to be getting a lot more red zone chances.

The Joker... Mortal Kombat... see, it's all circular, man. We bring that shit around...

So with Chris's loss, LOBO inexplicably rises the top of the HBFFL standings at 4-0. But LOBO has little time to enjoy the view, as a dangerous trio of teams sit at 3-1 ready to pounce: Purple Drank, Bourbon Blasters, and Renal Failure. And you can't forget about teams like Bald Spots and NoNames sitting at 2-2, hungry for a chance to move up in the standings and make a name for themselves. And it's not over for What the Canuck?, Future Ex-Cons and The Un-Ramblers yet, because as LOBO and Renal Failure proved last year you can easily turn a shitty first half of your season around, get hot for the playoffs, and make it to the championship. Multiple Scorgams at 0-4... uh... oh, well you look very pretty in that hat.

We now enter the tricky part of the Fantasy Football year, when most teams start having bye weeks and we see just how managers adjust to not having their usual whole starting cast available, especially if injuries have hit their lineups already. We'll have our Week 5 preview vs. The Un-Ramblers later this week. Until then, stay thirsty my friends, and lay off the Purple Drank.

Renal Failure is the defending 2010 HBFFL champion, the defending 2010 FTWL champion, and The People's Champion. Renal Failure is also an original member of the HBFFL and the band Survivor, but quit the band in disgust when they wouldn't go with his "Eye of the Mongoose" song idea.

1 comment:

Chris C said...

Congrats. My team didn't even bother showing up. I'm still out looking for them.