Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Threat Level Bear Force One Has Been Declared!

by Renal Failure

It was that kind of week for the People's Champ...

We're starting to get the feeling the 2010 HBFFL season is just so all the other teams from 2009 can get revenge on us. Apparently our total collapse in the Championship game wasn't enough to satiate everyone's thirst for vengeance.

Last season when we played the Bald Spots, their QB Tom Brady put up 60 points just by himself, yet Renal Failure was able to survive and win the game. This time around the Bald Spots said "All right, you can survive one player putting a bear into space, but how about FOUR?"

My God... it's full of bears...

Your Bald Spot bear-throwers for Week 3...
  • Philip Rivers: 41 points
  • Anquan Boldin: 37 points
  • Adrian Petersen: 36 points
  • Brandon Marshall: 27 points
Any combination of these three starters for the Bald Spots beat our whole starting Renal Roster (the final score being 156-86). And all four of them handily beat our optimal roster as well.

So when your opponent puts up just as many points in one week than you had scored the previous two combined, you don't need to spend much time staring at your team and lamenting that this wasn't the week to bench Hines Ward (9pts) and Dwayne Bowe (12pts) in a fit of pique, or that your prediction of David Akers outscoring Jay Feely was wrong, or that your idea that Clinton Portis would run all day on the Rams was outlandishly wrong as well. You just thank Tom Brady (30pts) and Chris Johnson (29pts) for keeping the score relatively close for a little while and look forward to Week Four, or more specifically to Week 12 where Renal Failure gets another shot at the Bald Spots. Because as regular readers to the HBFFL will know, Renal Failure is all about revenge games.

I shall leave you as you left me, as you left her. Marooned for all eternity, at the bottom of the HBFFL standings. Buried alive.

The People have known pain this season, what with losing vaunted starting flex-option Ryan Grant for the season after the first game and having the 2nd-most points ever scored on us in the HBFFL (Joe O. under the Fantasy Virgin moniker put up 168 on The Ramblers in '08). But the People are confident there are brighter days for the People's Champion because the Bear Apocalypse hit us early in the season, giving us plenty of time to circle the wagons like no other team does.

The defending champion La Machine comes into the People's House for Week Four. Nothing like a little revenge game to get our Fantasy Football mojo working again. We'll preview that match-up later in the week, but before we sign off on this post the People's Champion would like to ask the other HBFFL teams this question: Our apocalypse came in Week Three, when will yours come?

When kitten videos aren't enough to ease your suffering, you have to go metal. And Angela Gossow can scream the flesh off a bison.

Renal Failure sort of has its own awareness ribbon color. Green is for kidney disease, which can cause renal failure. Green is also for glaucoma, but those people won't know if you're wearing their ribbon or not.

1 comment:

LOBO said...


I see some parallels in last year too. Last year I was 1-2, and looking at my schedule goin "How the f**k am I supposed to beat those guys?"


Game by game I suppose. At least I picked players on my team fun to watch ...