Saturday, October 22, 2011

Week 7: Someone's Getting Canucked

by 2010 HBFFL Champion Renal Failure

Laying the smackdown as only Renal Failure can...

It wasn't the usual bloodbath between Renal Failure and Bald Spots, but your People's Champion emerged with a solid 113-73 victory. Only Purple Drank had a larger margin of victory in Week 6.

Not a happy week for Bryan and his Bald Spots. Tony Romo out-dueled Tom Brady fantasy-wise 23-19. I made fun of the Bald Spots last week for almost starting two receivers named Nelson so he switched out David Nelson (6pts) and kept in Jordy Nelson (blowing up for 23 big points). Unfortunately Bald Spots didn't take my advice and put in Anquan Boldin. He had 18 points compared to Dez Bryant's 7. Vernon Davis and BenJarvus Green-Ellis came up small (0 and 6 points respectively). Renal Failure mixes his lies with the truth.

For the Failure, LeSean McCoy had a 24-point day against Washington. Megatron continues to dominate, even when not catching touchdowns (16-point day). Jason Witten had 10-points, continuing to generate steady pointage at the volitaile TE position. And the New York Defense joined in the fun with 16-points of their own. Nice big days that equal big wins in fantasy football.

Billy Cundiff wields the golden foot of victory...

But the big story was Billy Fucking Cundiff, kicking 17 points. When do you see kickers put up big numbers like that? NEVER. He booted a bear into orbit, mind you a tinier bear than the ones that Tom Brady usually throws into the Crab Nebula. But no one wants to give Billy Fucking Cundiff his due props.

Bringing us down from our Billy Fucking Cundiff high were the anemic performances of replacement WR Mike Thomas (3pts) and backup RB DeAngelo Williams (4pts after back-to-back double digit games on the bench). Granted, because of bye weeks we were forced to play these two, but we expected more. Perhaps when we don't start them, that's when they'll do well. If you can't play well for us, at least be decent trade bait. We'd love another solid receiver.

Artist rendition of how Renal Failure is preparing for this week's game vs. Canucklehead...

So Week 7... Renal Failure (4-2) vs. What the Canuck? (2-4)

No LeSean McCoy for the Failure, but Chris Johnson is back and we give Ryan Mathews a shot at being productive for the People. Canuck is without the number one back in the league Fred Jackson, which is a shame because the man we traded him for is slated for 22 points against Atlanta on Sunday (MIGHTY MEGATRON!) Without Peyton Manning, Canuck has been adrift in the fantasy sea, depending on Mark Sanchez (other gift from us) to steady the ship.

Renal Failure is projected to win 110-66 vs What the Canuck? but the People's Champ wants to see more than that. We're counting on a change of scenery for Brandon Lloyd getting him back to his Number One Wide-Out of 2010 form. We're also hoping that Tony Romo puts up big numbers (and that a lot of them go to Jason Witten) before he loses the game for the Cowboys.

Look for the People's Champ to break from the 4-2 pack in Week 7. Sorry nonames and Bourbon Blasters, but we've got playoffs to make, and a championship to defend.

Renal Failure is the defending 2010 HBFFL champion, the defending 2010 FTWL champion, and The People's Champion, which means he's the champion of the 99%. But Renal Failure doesn't occupy a park or a city. Renal Failure occupies your heart.

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