Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Week 17: No Longer a Champion
by 2010 HBFFL Champion and 2011 runner-up Renal Failure
Shut it down... shut it all down...
And so it was that the HBFFL trend of last year's runner-up winning next year's championship continued as destiny dictated with Predator Press defeating your 2010 HBFFL Champions Renal Failure in Humor Bowl IV 114-50. Renal Failure's hopes to repeat as champion left the building with Tony Romo's busted hand, Jason Witten's famine of targets, Shady McCoy's disappearing act, and Billy Cundiff's bum leg. We got hit with the fantasy football blue screen of death at the worst possible time, and LOBO was there to reap the benefits of our injury implosion.
We were right to bench CJ2K for Week 16, however we chose wrong on his replacement. We picked Ryan Mathews because of his favorable matchup vs. the Lions, however it was Marshawn Lynch who had the much better day (23pts for Beast Mode vs. 7 for Mathews). We hoped Brandon Lloyd could get some garbage time points vs. the Steelers, but that didn't happen. Our only bright spots were Megatron (21pts) and our wise choice of putting in Rob Bironas as our replacement for Billy Fucking Cundiff (13pts).
When your whole season explodes on you, there's only one thing to do: strike a bad-ass pose in the midst of the destruction of your dreams...
Predator Press came ready to play in Week 16. And just like we did to Purple Drank last week, LOBO only needed two players to win. Arian Foster did what Arian Foster does (27pts) and Matt Stafford threw up a 35-point bear vs. the Chargers. Everything else was just bonus points against a crippled Renal Failure squad.
And so the 2011 HBFFL comes to a close on a disappointing note for your People's Champion, seeing our 15 weeks of effort flame out during the ultimate showdown. It's like watching The Empire Strikes Back and seeing Darth Vader tear his ACL within 10 seconds of the lightsaber duel with Luke in the cloud city and have to be carted back to his shuttle. It's a lackluster climax to what you know should have been an epic battle. Instead, LOBO's raising the championship trophy and we're heading to the MRI machine.
When you lose the championship game, the winter seems colder... something we know all too well...
2010 was a trying season for Renal Failure. Our draft seemed to be a good one, but we did not foresee Chris Johnson's troubles. Shady McCoy carried us for most of the season with all his touchdowns. Trading Fred Jackson for Calvin Johnson paid off big time for us, yet another example of how well Renal Failure makes deals. But we didn't have a big waiver wire pick-up that we've had in prior seasons (Brandon Lloyd in 2010 and CJ2K in 2008). Perhaps that was the missing ingredient to our championship souffle. But we did get the first tie ever in the HBFFL and that helped get us into the playoffs on the last game of the regular season.
8-5-1 and runner up in the Humor Bowl... we know other teams would love to have had Renal Failure's season, so our mourning will be brief. And while we are champions no more, we have once and for all solidified our place as the HBFFL's most dangerous franchise. And as the HBFFL runner-up, we are now the early favorite to win next year's Humor Bowl and become the HBFFL's first multiple-time champion.
So celebrate well, LOBO, for heavy is the head that wears the crown, and you don't do as many neck exercises as we do.
Renal Failure was the 2010 HBFFL champion, the 2010 FTWL champion, but is still the People's Champion. That Dallas/Philadelphia game fucked us over in the other league we made the playoffs in, as did Adrian Peterson's total knee destruction. This was a Christmas Eve of fantasy team implosions. Thankfully we were drunk most of the day.