Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The King Will Not Be Denied His Throne

When you play La Machine in the HBFFL Championship you are down with the king of fantasy football...

By down I mean Renal Failure going down. In flames even.

Yeah like that.

Most fantasy team owners would be afraid of Renal Failure's scary lineup, with Rivers, S-Jax, MJD, Dallas Freakin' Clark, and Hines Ward. It's like Frankenstein, Wolfman, and Dracula all being in the same monster movie.

Yeah, that scary.

But I am not afraid. I've got my own scary movie in McNabb, Rice, The Johnson known as Andre, and Welker. And let's not forget Ryan Grant who is quietly finishing a top-ten RB season.

And of course there is my secret weapon. The final one, saved for the most important and final game of the 2009 HBFFL season is none other then...

Yes, that's right frigging Superman! I know, right now you are thinking "how does Superman help a fantasy football team?"

You must have forgotten one of the Man of Steel's lesser-used powers: the ability to reverse time.

In the first film, after Lois was killed by an earthquake caused by Lex Luthor, Superman flew around the Earth like crazy and reversed it's rotation.

I'll make that fucker fly around the planet a million times until I get the outcome that will fulfill my destiny: a championship win.

So good luck Renal Failure. You will need it.

Chris Cameron is a co-writer and the editor of the HBFFL humor blog. He also writes his own brand of odd humor at Angry Seafood.


Defending Champion said...

OK King, you have set your self up with easy matches all the way to the finals again...don't blow it by one point again!

renalfailure said...

But you forget Superman's weakness. No, not kryptonite. Horses!

No love for Ochocinco either? And you forgot we've also got the best defense/special teams in the league in the Philadelphia Eagles, and the best kicker in Nate Kaeding too. Points from non-traditional sources... that's how the Wild Card rolls, bitches!

Chris C said...

@DC: They are not easy matches. Opposing teams simply quiver in the presence of my team's awesome-ness.

@RF: No worries. Superman will simply throw the horses into outer space. If he can pick up a ginormous piece of Kryptonite and carry it out of the atmosphere horses seem like small potatoes.

Potatoes with legs and a tail. But you can't ride them because that would be unrealistic.