Tuesday, December 1, 2009
When is a Wild Card not a Wild Card?
Alex Trebek knows...
Answer: When they're the division winner.
The Wild Card (bitches) of the HBFFL - better known as Renal Failure - avoided the carefully-placed trap and clinched the top spot in the playoffs with a 91-61 victory over Paula's Googlyeyed Goons, though Paula probably won't know about it because she hasn't touched her team since September. Still, the People's Champion can take pride that even if Paula had started RB LaDainian Tomlinson and TE Anthony Fasano instead of the inactive duo of Owen Daniels and Dwayne Bowe that Renal Failure would have still been victorious. Now if Paula had started Matt Schaub at QB instead of Carson Palmer, then our ass would have been KOed.
Some days you get slapped, other days you're dishing out slaps and awesomely-dickish double thumbs-up.
Not that the People are completely happy with our victory - they rarely are, for the People are demanding. But when your fifth WR option Jeremy Maclin (5pts) outscores the combined point total of alleged WR studs Chad Ochocinco (3pts) and TJ Houshmandzadeh (1pt)... well we can see why the People are on the cranky side. Our fourth option Percy Harvin sat on the bench and put up as many points as Miles Austin and Donald Driver (25pts), and usual starter Hines Ward only put up four points, but we expected that considering his QB Ben Roethlisberger is out with a concussion and will not be allowed back in the lineup until he can spell his own last name without a cheat sheet.
In other disappointment news, Maurice Jones-Drew had another sub-par week (10pts) and the Philadelphia Defense (5pts) had the worst day of the three Defenses on our roster (49ers had 10pts, Chargers had 16pts). Stephen Jackson didn't necessarily disappoint with his 17 points, but Yahoo! had him unfairly projected for 22. But at least Philip Rivers (32pts), Nate Kaeding (12pts), and Dallas Clark (12pts) had good enough games to lock up first place for the People's Champion.
In hockey, the team with the best regular season record wins the Presidents' Trophy. There's no such trophy in the HBFFL, so we'll just take this one and name it the Tag Larkin Trophy.
So... yeah, the Wild Card (bitches!) is Number One, but the season still has two more games left to play. That means crushing the playoff dreams of Team Duckgirl and What the Canuck? so that when we go into our first playoff game at 13-1 and lose, it will be hilarious for everyone else. Anyway, we'll have our Week 13 preview of our game with Team Duckgirl, plus some possible playoff matchup scenarios, on Friday as usual.
---Renal Failure says to evacuate the dance floor because the roof is on fire and we don't need no water...