Friday, November 26, 2010

Week 12 Semi-Preview: Renal Failure vs. Bald Spots II: The Secret of the Orbital Bear

by Renal Failure

Scientists still do not have any definitive evidence to determine which is easier: Pimpin' or fantasy football.

Usually we have our preview done on Friday, but this was one of the rare occasions that we had players on a Thursday night game. And because the People Champion likes to give thanks to Captain Morgan rum on that particular Thursday in November, we didn't get a chance to type up a preview of the People's quest for the fantasy playoffs.

And so with three rum and cokes in us, we watched the early game between the Patriots and Lions and witness Tom Brady deliver us the finest Bearducken - which for the uneducated masses out there is a Bear with a duck stuffed up its ass that has a chicken stuffed up its ass - and then throw it halfway to the Dagobah system with a 46-point performance, much to the dismay of Bryan of the Bald Spots who couldn't enjoy Calvin "Megatron" Johnson's big 15-point day on the Lions end.

Our Thanksgiving wasn't this dignified...

So going into Sunday's game, Renal Failure holds a 52-15 edge over Bald Spots (Brandon Pettigrew got himself 6 points for the People on Thursday too), but the game's far from over. Bryan still has Philip Rivers waiting to throw a bear into orbit himself vs. Indianapolis, though we don't think it will be the sort of bear with other animals shoved up its ass. And with the way Brett Favre's been playing I wouldn't be surprised to see the Vikings hand the ball to Adrian Petersen all day. Pierre Garcon could be a problem, but Peyton Manning's been slinging the ball to everyone on that team so Garcon may not get many chances to hurt us.

But Renal Failure still have the vaunted 1-2 punch of Chris Johnson and Peyton Hillis waiting to bolster the People's lead, along with the hottest WR combo in fantasy football Dwayne Bowe and Brandon Lloyd, especially after T.O. got shut down by the Jets in the late Thanksgiving game (sorry Chris). And Matt Bryant and the Cleveland Defense have some pretty good projected matchups that the People feel pretty good about, which will give us some much needed points should a wild card spot come down to a Points For tiebreaker.

Ines Sainz waits patiently for the Renal Failure victory that she has decreed.

If the People hold on to their 37-point lead, they'll enter into a tie for third with Bald Spots at 7-5 along with either one or two of these three teams: La Machine, What the Canuck? and Predator Press. La Machine and Predator Press are playing each other so one of them is going to fall to 6-6 unless they maintain their current tied score, and What the Canuck? has to make up a 43-point deficit against the first place 9-2 Bourbon Blasters to keep pace (and we're hoping for a Bourbon Blasters loss so that Joe can't tie our record for most wins in a season, that being 12).

So until next week... stay thirsty for the playoffs, my friend.

Renal Failure has a little Captain in them, except on Thanksgiving when he has a lot of Captain in them. This is why Renal Failure wakes up on the front lawn on Black Friday.

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