Wednesday, November 17, 2010

We told you Tom Brady lives for revenge

by Renal Failure

That guy had a better week than Team Krapsody.

The People's Champion known as Renal Failure is on a roll, winning our third straight game with a 124-77 drubbing of Team Krapsody. True, Static neglected to swap out injured Joseph Addai and bye week Antonio Gates and Garrett Hartley, but the 47-point margin of victory was far greater than his Marion Barber (4pts) and Greg Olson (5pts) could have made up.

Tom Brady showed why he is the inventor of throwing bears into space by putting up a monster 46-point day against the vaunted Steelers Defense. Brandon Lloyd continues to show why he's the man at WR with a 21-point game vs. Kansas City. And the HBFFL got its first taste of the new dangerous 1-2 running back punch with Chris Johnson and Peyton Hillis having wonderful days (22 and 16 points respectively).

Static is glad he's not this woman... or that we didn't have Michael Vick and his 64-point bear into the center of the universe day on our side.

Everything didn't come up Milhouse for your People's Champions. Jason Witten was the only Dallas Cowboy to not have any fun against the Giants, putting up a big fat goose egg. We started Tampa Bay's Mike Williams (6pts, meeting his projection)instead of Dwayne Bowe and Bowe took the initiative while his Chiefs were getting blown out by throwing a bear into the crab nebula with a 35-point performance, most of it after the game had already been decided. Even Chad Ochocinco had a nice 14-point day sitting on the People's Bench. We were also surprised that Tampa Bay had a horrid day on Defense against the lowly Panthers. But the biggest "What the-?" of the day was Renal Failure's 4th-string RB Fred Jackson of the Bills using bear-throwing muscles we didn't even know he had in putting up 33 fantasy points vs. the Lions. Maybe we move him past Brandon Jackson on the Renal Running Back Depth Chart for such a performance... or maybe we just write it off as a fluke and ride the Chris Johnson/Peyton Hillis gravy train all the way to the Promised Land.

The great prophet Muhammed with his mutton chops and white jumpsuit smiles fondly upon the People's Champion keeping their season alive.

Some may say that this victory means nothing, that all we did was beat a team that hadn't been touched by its owner in many weeks. But those people are not The People, and The People know that this was a meaningful win because it reinforces the message we started to send last week but then we got distracted by a cat video but now we're back to finish that message: Renal Failure has returned and we may be more dangerous than we were last season when we went 12-2 and were the highest scoring team in HBFFL history. We're clicking at the right time in the season, our bench is deep, and the bears are launching into space with the Renal Failure logo plastered to their grizzly flanks.

So Renal Failure is back at .500 with a 5-5 record, one game behind fourth place La Machine and two games behind The Ramblers and Bald Spots for a Wild Card slot (bitches!) with 4 games left to play. Week 11 sees The Eunuchs come into the People's House for a return engagement. In Week 2, Don's squad won 105-61 against Renal Failure. We think Renal Failure can score more than 61 points this time around, and we think there's no way the Eunuchs get close to 105 as long as Don keeps forgetting to replace the injured Tony Romo. We'll have the preview of this matchup later in the week. Until then, remember that no one circles the wagons like Renal Failure.

Renal Failure lost in his 14-team league because Hines Ward, the Steelers Defense, and Chris Cooley didn't put up a single point. I've seen players shit the bed before, but I've never seen three of them shit the same bed at the same time. What kind of shit party is that?

1 comment:

Unfinished Rambler said...

That's a pretty shitty party, you have to admit. At least, you're rocking here.