Friday, November 19, 2010

Week 11: Renal Failure vs. Eunuchs Part Two: The Eunuching

by Renal Failure

Bas Rutten trained us to be better Fantasy Football players... and to kick you in the groin.

Your People's Champion feels good about the prospect of avenging their earlier loss this season to the Eunuchs. Back in Week Two, Renal Failure had some issues: Chris Johnson and Tom Brady hadn't found their bear-throwing groove yet, our wide receivers weren't scoring, and with Ryan Grant going down in Week One for the season we were without a decent flex option.

But all that has changed as we enter Week 11. Dwayne Bowe has gone from putting up less points than letters in his name to being a touchdown machine. Brandon Lloyd strikes fear into the hearts of fantasy football owners who don't own him with his big-yardage days and multiple touchdown games. Peyton Hillis has shown how glad he is to be off of Chris's bench by running wild for the People in our flex spot. And best of all Tom Brady and Chris Johnson are clicking on all cylinders at this crucial part of the season, and have awesome match-ups this week as the Colts are soft against the pass and the Redskins might as well rename themselves "the Launching Pad" after the all the bears the Eagles threw into orbit against them.

Michael Vick threw this bear so far into space it's going to come back centuries later as V'Ger... and it will demand to merge with Vick so it can evolve.

Also in the People's favor is the fact that Don hasn't touched his team in many week, resulting in the injured Tony Romo remaining as the Eunuchs' starting QB. But the Eunuchs still have dangerous plays in their lineup such as Rashard Mendenhall, Michael Turner, and Hakeem Nicks (each projected for 14pts). And the Pittsburgh Defense who got shut out last week vs. the Patriots will be looking for redemption against the Oakland Raiders. Even without Romo they could still win with the right combination of good luck for the Eunuchs and bad luck for the Failure. And with such a strong lineup, it's a shame that Don has left his team to stagnate and rot to a 2-8 record.

We sacrificed a case of Sam Adams Winter Lager to Ines Sainz so that she may grant us glorious victory. And by sacrifice we mean drank it all alone in one sitting in the dark.

Yahoo! has Renal Failure projected to win 103-71, a lot of that based on the 28 points Chris Johnson is projected to get against Washington. Peyton Hillis is projected for 13 vs. Jacksonville and that seems low to us considering Jacksonville doesn't play tough defense and Hillis is a muscle-laden juggernaut. Tom Brady is slated for 21 vs. the Colts, a game that's probably going to be a shootout between Brady and Peyton Manning.

A win puts the People's Champion above .500 for the first time since Week One and continues the People's push to the playoffs. And considering 6-4 La Machine is playing the 8-2 Bourbon Blasters and the 7-3 Bald Spots are playing 5-5 Predator Press, this is definitely the week to either make up some ground or get in a better position in the fight for those precious post-season spots.

Renal Failure doesn't underestimate the kick in the groin. In fact, we tend to over-rely on the move. Crotch murder is our bag, baby.


LOBO said...

This post is great ... but that freakin video is HILARIOUS!

If I cite/plug you, can I use it on Predator Press?

"Bong, bong, bong ... !"


LOBO said...

OMG ... The part where he demontrates how to "stab a guy with a chair" has gotta be one of the funniest things I've ever seen ...

renalfailure said...

That's actually the short version. There's a long version of Bas Rutten's antics out there on Youtube.