By 2010's HBFFL and FTWL champion Renal Failure
The cold truth: big numbers equal big wins... and big pain!
We're not losing twice to Canada, so your People's Champion came out swinging Thor's hammer against What the Canuck? How hard did we bring Mjolnir down in our 121-85 victory, you ask? Not only was it tied for biggest blowout of HBFFL Week Four (but we scored the most points out of any HBFFL team this week), but Tom Brady had 40 points sitting on our bench. Funny thing, if RGIII (awesome 31-point day) doesn't fumble the ball at the goal line for Pierre Garcon to pick up, RGIII would have had 37 or 38 points, which ain't too shabby.
Renal Failure rolled high with our WR's with DeSean Jackson's 15pts (and he was 1 yard away from the 5-point bonus) and Dwayne Bowe's 21pts. Jason Witten finally broke out with 22 points (with a garbage time TD). Trent Richardson is starting to pay off as our first-round pick with a solid 15pts. Even fill-in kicker Mike Nugent beat his projected score with a 9pt effort for the Bengals (according the Yahoo! recap, that's the most he's scored all season). Other than that, the rest of the lineup was very much meh. Fred Jackson rushed back from injury to get 6pts and the formerly-proficient Green Bay Defense seems to have disappeared (2pts? Come on, man!).
Forget Call Me Maybe or Gangnam Style... THIS was the true jam of Summer 2012!
Renal Failure came fresh out of the water with more big numbers than Canucklehead's crew. Matt Stafford's 27 points, Willis MacGahee's 24, and Mike Williams' 16pts were dragged down by Pierre Thomas's single point offering, Vernon Davis' 2pts, and Andre Johnson's fiver (was he the only Texan not scoring?).
The People are back at .500 with this victory, allowing Renal Failure to remain within striking distance of the 3-1 logjam above them in the standings, a position no one wants Renal Failure to be in because of our propensity to get hot in the second half of the season, make the playoffs, and smash our way to the championship game like we've done in the 2009, 2010, and 2011.
Note: To be fair, we did start the 2009 season 9-0 and finished 12-2, but we still made the championship game.
Are you in Renal Failure's way? That's not where you should be... because this is America!
Standing in the People's way to a 3-2 record in Week 5 is league-founder Purple Drank who ruined Unfinished Person's quest for a perfect season in Week 4. Since the league's inception in 2008, Renal Failure and Chris C.'s teams have split their previous ten meetings 5-5, but Renal Failure went 3-0 vs. Purple Drank last season (winning twice in the regular season and once in the playoffs), so momentum is on the People's side. And though Purple Drank is currently 3-1, one of their wins was a lucky 68-64 escape vs. the last place Bald Spots. Renal Failure's two losses came in games where their starting running back from the Bills went down with first quarter injuries, and according to Yahoo! recap your People's Champ is 2-0 this season when they beat their projected score.
Early Yahoo! projections favor Renal Failure, especially with our dominant QB's. Trent Richardson is starting to bloom on the Renal Roster, and Purple Drank's Chris Johnson is due to go back to shitting the bed for Purple Drank, despite his brief outburst of production in Week 4 (he did that to us last year when we had him - one good week, six bad weeks).
Chris needs a win to keep up with Predator Press, Unfinished Person, and Delusions of Adequacy at the top of the standings. Renal Failure needs a win to get in a favorable position for one of our infamous late-season runs (we're 20-7-1 over the past four years in the 2nd half of the season). 8 wins with a lot of "points for" can get you in the playoffs (we've done it twice), but 9 wins usually seals the deal. And Renal Failure is in a deal sealing mood.
Renal Failure is the People's Champion in every fantasy football league we play in, except for that one league where the guy called his team The People's Champions. But we are still The Wild Card because no one can anticipate what we'll do next. Not even us.