Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Making the Best of a Bad Fantasy Football Season

So, it's the third week of the season, your team is 0-3 and your squad is the football version of a M.A.S.H. unit. Things do not look good.

Can you go on an improbable 9-1 run and make the playoffs?

Nope. But you can do a few things to make the best of it.

Enhance your trash talk with some spin on your record

If you are 3-0 it is easy to bust your fellow owners' balls about how awesome your team is. 0-3 not so much. So you gotta get creative and put some positive spin on your abysmal showing to date. How about something like this:

"My team is technically 0-3 but it really is 3-0. The players I started were the right plays but the stats just didn't work out this time."

Those two sentences alone make your team sound more bad ass than it really is and elevates the trash talk to hypothetical situations, of which there is no escape for your fellow owners. You could argue all day in that arena and never lose.

Pick up players with really cool names

If you can't have players that produce you can at least have ones with funny names. And there are many to choose from, including: Owen Marecec, Rock Cartwright, Naufahu Tahi, Ovie Mughelli, and Madison Hedgecock.

You can also make corny jokes like "my team is gonna win because I'm riding on the Owen Marecec express."

Become a sanctuary for wayward players

Even Terrell Owens needs a home. Won't you give up that second defense so Terrell can have a warm bed and a place to play at an uninspiring level?

See how easy it is to make the best of your awful fantasy football season?

You got any ideas of your own? Leave them in the comments below.


Anonymous said...

I'm out of ideas, since I'm at 0-3, but all good advice...I think I should start applying it tomorrow. :)

LOBO said...

WOW that's harsh .. I would've thought you to be more sensitive to the plight of TO.

-But then again I thought Rambler had cable.

nonamedufus said...

When you watch the NFL on the radio, U.P., small wonder you're 0-3. Chris, you have TV so I have no idea what went wrong.

LOBO said...

Somebody needs to write up the rather intriguing matchup this week between Purple Drank -this years #1 so far- and Renal Failure, the defending Champion.

The spread is only 1 point!

Plus there's a neat little sidebar: If Drank and the Preds both win in Week 4, both these undefeated teams face each other in what will be a streak-snapping Week 5.

I'll write it up if I can (and no one else does), but that's a big "if": I'm kinda buried busy-wise, and my internet access is sketchy.

Chris C said...

I'm already on it Lobo. Writing up my side of it as we speak. :)

On a side note I didn't know we were playing in week five. I'm testing a theory this season: concentrate on one week at a time and don't look ahead.

But if you guys talk about in comments or posts I don't mind. I still focus on the task at hand: winning the week without concerning myself with next week until it arrives. :) (Bye week knowledge the exception of course)

LOBO said...

If it were any other player I would say that's a lousy strategy (because I invariably start doing it at some point every season, and then arrive in the playoffs with mediocre ammo).

But you're kind of a runaway success so far, both in wins and "pts for." Bourbon Blasters and I, in a close tie for 2nd place in points, are a distant 50 behind you already.

On a zero attention span-inspired side note, I don't know why Terrell Owens is in such bad straights ... I heard Sly and the Family Stone is hiring.

-Well, the Family Stone is anyway. And as I understand it Unfinished Person is one transistor radio away from making this group a trio.

Does UP play an instrument? Think about it: collectively, those guys could really spiff up those crappy 80's-sounding techno jingles the NFL uses on all the commercials.

They could call themselves "The Ramblin' Stones ..."

LOBO said...

As far as cool names?

How about "Elvis Dumervil?"

-I'm drafting him round 1 next year as QB (unless I get Danny Woodhead).