Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Clawing our way to a .400 winning percentage

by Renal Failure

Happy Belated Canadian Thanksgiving, Canucklehead. Here's a present for you...

Just when people (but NOT "the People") were about to write off Renal Failure, the Wild Card jumps on your head, snaps some limbs, and reminds you that while the Wild Card may be struggling in 2010 they are certainly not the team to steal on.

For the first time this season, the People's Champion has broken the 100-point mark (something that used to happen pretty much every week last year) with their 108-56 victory over the Marxist conspiracy known as What the Canuck? by way of Brandon Lloyd and Chris Johnson both scoring 30 points in their games, thus outscoring all of the Canuck starting lineup by themselves. In other words, yes, the shithawks did indeed come for Canucklehead this week. Just like we said.

How many points does this man have to score for Yahoo! to stop leaving his fantasy match-up slot blank?

Not to say that everything we claimed last week in our preview was correct. While we did correctly say that Canucklehead wouldn't be happy if the Colts/Chiefs game wasn't a Cape Canaveral for launching bears into space (and it wasn't; they couldn't even get a bear off the ground in that game. Hell, Peyton Manning almost got outscored by Canuck Kicker Rob Bironis this week while Kyle Orton had 32pts against the Ravens on the Canuck bench), we totally got the Rams/Lions game wrong (though it did set up a great Prophet Muhammad joke for us). Well, half wrong actually, because only the Lions had the big offensive juggernaut day we had expected out of both teams. Rams' star WR Mark Clayton left the game early with a season-ending injury and QB of the future Sam Bradford only scrounged up 10pts for the People while Eli Manning and his 32-points sat on our bench to commemorate "Leave your highest scoring QB on the bench week" here in the HBFFL. But we don't regret our QB choice, because we were being bold.

While our TE Marcedes Lewis was putting up a Dallas Clark-like 17 points, Canucklehead's prized TE Jermichael Finley was being carted off the field early in the Packers/Redskins game. But Renal Failure sheds no tears for other teams with injury problems, especially considering Clayton being lost for the year and three out of the four running backs we had originally drafted being currently injured (Ryan Grant, Pierre Thomas, and Clinton Portis). Yeah, we lost all of our RB depth in four weeks. We're now starting a Buffalo Bill at our flex spot (Fred Jackson with a serviceable 9-point day). Do you know how bad things are when you're starting anyone from the Bills? If we lose Chris Johnson I think all the HBFFL managers should send us a care basket full of Guinness and a card signed by all of them reading "Our sincere condolences for your 2010 Fantasy Season."

"Oh, and you have cancer too..."

Week 6 sees the People's Champion going against the highest scoring team in the league, the 4-1 Bourbon Blasters, managed by Leigh's Husband Joe O (the 2008 HBFFL champion). We'll have a preview later this week of how we will either knock him from his first-place perch or how we will lose horribly but boldly.

Renal Failure is thankful that the Queen isn't on his money. Or ducks either.

1 comment:

Unfinished Rambler said...

For the record, i won't be sending that basket...

...I'll just be laughing. The People's Champion? Puh-lease. ;)