Friday, October 8, 2010

I Know You’re All Thinking It

I’m absolutely convinced the sports talking heads are full of bullshit now.

And it’s easy for them to do. If they start to slip, all they do is make up a name to throw us off.

It goes like this:

Q: “So do you think Jay Cutler’s recent concussion will effect this season’s expectations for the Bears?”

A: “Well it all depends Doug. But Jay Cutler has bruised his brain. Him being out far a few weeks can be expected. And hey, it‘s the Bears. Nobody is going to no … eh … know how difficult a road Jay Cutler has ahead of him. Remember what happened to Flandsa Ha’asasanba.”

Flandsa Ha’asasanba?

And nobody calls bullshit on it either.

“Oh, yes.” Doug agrees. “Ha’asasanba. Tragic story.”

Anyway. The whole reason to have a blog -besides the free exchange of ideas on how Superman could be killed- is Brett Favre. And this blog does not disappoint!

Forget that Brett Favre is a [perhaps overly] seasoned vetran.

Disregard the Randy Moss acquisition.

But think Jenn Sterger.

My team has embraced the likes of Vick, Roethlis, Portis, Edwards ... and as the 'talent scout' of this cadre of elite malignance, I submit that Favre would be a fine addition to Team Douchebag. Forget waivers … he’s been married 14 years! I should get him by default.

But with the afore-mentioned Roethlisberger and Vick in my chamber, I’m up to my eyeballs in disloyal quarterback smarm. All they do is sit around the kitchen all day and fuck with Chad Henne. Poor ol Chad will be microwaving his burito and pow, he's spitballed in the neck from behind. If it wasn’t so funny, I would probably go ahead and dump Henne and his plush, burrito-riddled late-season schedule for Favre.  Henne farts a lot.  And Favre might be a good influence on Roethlis and Vick in a fatherly sort of way.

But if not, who would they fuck with then?

1 comment:

Chris C said...

Favre's doing video sexting now...