Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Tuesday Morning QB: Douche bag No. 1 in the NFL

In an earlier post this season, I singled out this guy

Larry Johnson

for being one of these


, i.e. douchebag (sic), after facing his third assault charge against a woman in five years.

Since then, I've learned a couple of things:
  1. The correct spelling of douche bag is two words, according to Katie Keenan from Columbia University.
  2. Johnson is now facing another assault charge as a result of an incident after my original post.
  3. Johnson is not the biggest douche bag in the NFL.


Yes, by virtue of being charged with not just one, but two felony counts of criminal possession of a weapon in the second degree Monday, Plaxico Burress has claimed the throne, for now, of No. 1 douche bag in the NFL. According to an ESPN article,

Burress, who accidentally shot himself Friday night in the right thigh at a Manhattan nightclub, did not enter a plea on the class C felony charges, though his attorney said Burress planned to plead not guilty.
Great quotes from the article include this quote from his lawyer, Benjamim Brafman:

"He is standing tall. He is a mature adult."
Uh, huh, sure.

And this quote from Paul Browne, NYP Deputy Commissioner for Public Information:
"It was a universe of silence after this shooting."
I, for one, as an owner of Burress on my fantasy squad, will not be silent. I will be benching him in favor of Domenik Hixon, who I picked up today off the free agency list. I'd like to kick his ass to the curb but under the rules of our league (no, honest) he is an undroppable player-- and I don't think anyone is going to want to trade for him. Anyone want a gunshot player, who already had a hamstring injury? Anyone? If so, let me know. I'll be happy to trade him for whatever douche bag you can offer.


Oh, yeah, FYI: Like the Giants this past week, I did win this past week, despite not having Burress in my lineup. Next up: The Menschwarmers, and then if I win, I get to face Leigh, who already has spanked me twice, in the first round of the playoffs.

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