Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The Duke of New York

Fact: the only 3-0 team from the HBFFL last season (La Machine) made the playoffs.

Fact: this season two teams are 3-0.

And surprise, surprise! It's not the Looks (Team DuckGirl), Brains(Defending Champion), or Brawn(Totes McGoats) from the illustrious 1-0 Squad from Week One. It's the Ducky Canucky known as What the Canuck? and the Wild Card (bitches!) Renal Failure rocking out in the 3-0 Lounge. Quite an unexpected turn of events indeed, for who could have forseen that a team loaded with mostly Buffalo Bills and a team modeled on Chaos Theory would be undefeated going into Week 4?

DuckGirl, DefChamps, and McGoats... one of you isn't making the playoffs if the tea leaves and chicken bones are correct (and one of you will meet a dark handsome man in the next three months).

But enough about trends. This was a big week for The People's Champion for we are also the HBFFL Toyota Biggest Fantasy Blowout team for Week 3, beating Paula and her GooglyEyed Goons by 84 points. Our 129 point total ties us with Defending Champion for most points scored this season, though if we had played Pierre Thomas instead of the stagnating Steve Slaton we would have shattered that mark. But still, we got some tasty revenge against the Goons for knocking us out of the first round of the Consolation Playoffs last season. The People are spiteful.

Our victory this week also earns the Macho Fantasy Football Donkey Wrestler another title... and that is The Duke of New York.

See, unlike previous Sundays, we weren't around to watch most of the NFL games on TV or to agonize over our lineup minutes before kickoff. We were in The Big Apple for the weekend, away from the computer. So it was quite a pleasant surprise when we came home to find that not only had Maurice Jones-Drew finally had the huge game we've been waiting for him to have, but that our addition of NY Jets WR Jerricho Cotchery to the starting lineup over T.J. Houz-not-doing-shit had paid off nicely as well (21 points).

But what truly gives us the Duke of New York title is that Renal Failure is now the highest scoring team in the league (331 points for the People), giving us the tiebreaker edge over fellow 3-0 team What the Canuck? And that makes us... A-NUMBER-ONE!

But grand times like this can be fleeting for the Duke, who is also the Wild Card, so the People's Champion is going to enjoy this while he can, before Team DuckGirl tries her luck against the Macho Fantasy Football Donkey Wrestler in Week 4. All we can say for sure is if Renal Failure wins, we will add yet another title to our list of self-aggrandizing accolades.

---Renal Failure is the blog of wild fabrications and outright lies. We can still go 3-11, because that would totally be a Wild Card thing to do.


Anonymous said...

The team that won the championship last year was not 3-0.
Looks like history will repeat itself.

renalfailure said...

Ah, but the playoffs are a different beast all together from the regular season, much like how a marathon differs from the 100-yard dash.

In the words of the original Wild Card (bitches!) Rowdy Roddy Piper: "Just when they think they have all the answers, I change the questions!"