Nyuh, THIS is IT!

I'm foregoing my usual Tuesday Morning Quarterback, and because with no players left to play, Rickey has lost this week's fantasy game to me 112-15 (so far, and I still have one player left to play), I'm just cutting right to the chase for a special edition on Monday Morning! Yay! Aren't you (well, except Rickey) happy about that?

In the last post when Chris said "This is it," he left a YouTube video to accompany his post from the song "If this is it" from Huey Lewis and the News (I won't repeat the abomination). I, for one, was disappointed, because when I think of "This is it", the song of which I think is this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d7-e6Yhu5SU



Admittedly, I usually don't think of Kenny looking like Jesus holding a glowing orb that looks like one of the palantírs. However, when I think of the song "This is it," this is what immediately comes to mind, not Huey Lewis.

Also while we're admitting things here, I admit that I'd much rather look at bikini-clad women at least for part of Huey's video than stare at that picture of Kenny for 3 minutes and 59 seconds. I even asked my wife of what song she thought when I said "This is it", and she said the Kenny Loggins song.

So there, Chris.

****

Am I going to talk about fantasy football? Oh, yes. But I just first needed to clear the air about my thoughts on the "This is it" debacle.

And unlike where Chris wrote "This is it!", now this really is it as the playoffs begin. He and I clinched the last two spots with our victories. Chris won (so far 110-38) his game against Canucklehead unless Tampa Bay's Antonio Bryant has a jaw-dropping game to make up the 71-point margin, but somehow methinks not (sorry, Canucklehead, but it's true).

At last check, I will be facing off against my nemesis Leigh, coach of the wrongly-named Fantasy Virgin team in the first round of the playoffs next week. In our first game, she spanked me and in our second meeting, she spanked me again. Fantasy virgin, my ass (literally!).

This time I make no predictions. I will not taunt. I will not be a douche bag (I have enough of them on my team, thank you very much). I will just say this:

Let the best MAN win.

Hopefully, I don't flub it like this "best man":


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mP3FqUUAAw



although, one last admission, I hope to knock Leigh off her pedestal.

This Is It

Week Fourteen, the last of the regular season for our inaugural run of the HBFFL has arrived. Three teams are viably fighting for the last two playoff spots. A fourth has an outside chance. There also is the Consolation Bowl for the #5-8 teams.

I just hope none of the games are on Shabbos cause I sure as shit don't f-ing roll!



We know that Fantasy Virgin, thanks to a lot of spanking of opponents and a five-game win streak has clinched a playoff spot. We know that The White Strypers won a key game vs La Machine last week and they clinched.

What about the 3rd and 4th seeds you ask? And the Runner-Up Bowl? Here we go...

The #3 and 4 spots are still up for grabs and the winner of the Renal Failure/Predator Press matchup still has a shot at the playoffs as well. Well, RF more then LOBO due to points. More on that below...

The numbers in parentheses are the points scored differentials.

La Machine clinches with:

-a win
-a loss and a Renal Failure loss
-a loss, a Renal Failure win, and higher points then Renal Failure (+16)
-a loss, a Predator Press win, and higher points then Predator Press (+132)
-a loss, a Renal Failure win, a Ramblers loss, and higher points then Ramblers (+31)

Ramblers clinch with:

-a win
-a loss and a Renal Failure loss
-a loss, a Renal Failure win, and higher points then Renal Failure (-25)
-a loss, a Predator Press win, and higher points then Predator Press (+101)
-a loss, a Renal Failure win, a La Machine Loss loss, and higher points then La Machine (-31)

Renal Failure clinches with:

-a win and a loss by the Ramblers and higher points scored then Ramblers (+25)
-a win and a loss by LaMachine and higher points scored then LaMachine (-16)
-a win and a loss by both teams and higher points scored then at least one of them (-16, +25)

Predator Press clinches with:

-a win and a loss by the Ramblers and higher points scored then Ramblers (-101)
-a win and a loss by LaMachine and higher points scored then LaMachine (-132)
-a win and a loss by both teams and higher points scored then at least one of them (-101, -132)

In the Consolation Bowl the Crooks have the #7 spot locked up and #5-6 depend on the outcome of three matchups.

The Goons and Canucks face off for the #8 spot.

Good luck everyone and may the force be with you.

Optimism

I started the year with such high hopes. Those hopes lasted about 8 seconds until my starting QB, Tom Brady (who I don't even like - but how can you release him?) went down. In retrospect, I guess I should have known then - yet I perservered, but sadly did not prevailed.

Well, at this point all I can do is try to save face ... go out on a high note - maybe set an example for my beloved Bills. We both started out well but eventually went down like a drunk socialite at last call. Next year. It has become my mantra ... next year. I wish all of my fellow competitors all the best as we head down the home stretch. I'd like to end on a positive note, you know - it's been fun or some other crap I don't really believe. Here it is - next year I will crush you all. Like bugs. Book it. Done. In the meantime, you can find me plotting my revenge HERE.

CHEERS!

Won't Someone Think of the People?

Week 13 for the Failure...

When you shoot at the Queen, you'd better not miss.

The People's Champion missed hardcore in Week 13, losing 119-98. Things looked particularly good after Thursday's Thanksgiving games, then we had a Mets-like collapse (sorry Rickey, we're angry and blindly lashing out in pain here). Now we're on the outside looking in regarding the Real Playoffs and we need the Hand of God, the Elbow of Allah, and the Shoulder of Zoroaster to slip in as the Four Seed (which would pit us against The Queen again, won't that be nice...).

So let's dole out the blame for why the only thing the People's Champion is Championing is either fifth or sixth place...

For starters Renal Failure ourselves are to blame for playing Hines Ward and Maurice Jones-Drew instead of Bernard "99-yard TD reception" Berrian and Steve "35 Fantasy Points" Slaton. Actually, Paula is partly to blame because I wanted to trade Jones-Drew for Roddy White before the deadline and she didn't go for it. If she had, I would have played Slaton and the People would be in a much better mood today.

I blame Philip Rivers for not showing up this Sunday. Though I also have to blame backup Matt Cassel for putting up the same amount of dismal points, thereby tempering my fury at Rivers.

I blame the Chicago Bears defense for only putting up 4 points and for letting Adrian Peterson put up big numbers on them.

But woe to Predator Press if they think The People's Champion will go out quietly in this last game of the regular season. The People's Champion will go out loud and obnoxiously, with possibly some crying too. Because that's how the People roll.

Tuesday Morning QB: Douche bag No. 1 in the NFL

In an earlier post this season, I singled out this guy

for being one of these

, i.e. douchebag (sic), after facing his third assault charge against a woman in five years.

Since then, I've learned a couple of things:

1. The correct spelling of douche bag is two words, according to Katie Keenan from Columbia University.
2. Johnson is now facing another assault charge as a result of an incident after my original post.
3. Johnson is not the biggest douche bag in the NFL.

Yes, by virtue of being charged with not just one, but two felony counts of criminal possession of a weapon in the second degree Monday, Plaxico Burress has claimed the throne, for now, of No. 1 douche bag in the NFL. According to an ESPN article,

Burress, who accidentally shot himself Friday night in the right thigh at a Manhattan nightclub, did not enter a plea on the class C felony charges, though his attorney said Burress planned to plead not guilty.

Great quotes from the article include this quote from his lawyer, Benjamim Brafman:

"He is standing tall. He is a mature adult."

Uh, huh, sure.

And this quote from Paul Browne, NYP Deputy Commissioner for Public Information:

"It was a universe of silence after this shooting."

I, for one, as an owner of Burress on my fantasy squad, will not be silent. I will be benching him in favor of Domenik Hixon, who I picked up today off the free agency list. I'd like to kick his ass to the curb but under the rules of our league (no, honest) he is an undroppable player-- and I don't think anyone is going to want to trade for him. Anyone want a gunshot player, who already had a hamstring injury? Anyone? If so, let me know. I'll be happy to trade him for whatever douche bag you can offer.

****

Oh, yeah, FYI: Like the Giants this past week, I did win this past week, despite not having Burress in my lineup. Next up: The Menschwarmers, and then if I win, I get to face Leigh, who already has spanked me twice, in the first round of the playoffs.