Wednesday, October 1, 2014

The People's Week 4: Everyone took a bye week

by Renal Failure

My quest to get to 2-2, foiled by bye-week treachery... DREAMCRUSHERS! YOU DONE FUCKED UP NOW!

Your People's Champion Renal Failure had a bad Week 4.  We knew we had Marshawn Lynch and Demaryius Thomas on bye weeks, but what we didn't know is that everyone else on our team would take a bye week too. Not that it would have mattered because the Dreamcrushers! jumped on us, putting up 122 points to our meager 74.

Jeremy Maclin came back down to earth with 5pts. Michael Crabtree barely managed 4pts. Our decision to go Fred Jackson/CJ Spiller instead of Chris Ivory/Sammy Watkins wasn't that bad.  The Bills RB's put up 16 together, Ivory/Watkins 18.  We said no more Tom Brady and were rewarded sby Jay Cutler scoring 18 to Brady's anemic 8.  Alfred Morris's 14 points and the San Diego's DEF's 11pts were the only bright spots (even Cody Parkey took the week off with 3pts). 

Andrew Luck and Matt Forte threw bears into space (38 and 28 points respectively).  Keenan Allen's 18 and Kevlin Benjamin's 13 iced the day though Chris admittedly fucked up by not starting Steve Smith Sr. who had a absoludicrous 32 points against Carolina.  Good thing he was playing a team that had the scoring equivalent of mono this week (Yahoo! gave us a C- for the week, another pat on the head for not having a chance because even our bench sucked).

When you're 1-3, you gotta be ready to blow shit up...

Rust never sleeps, and Renal Failure is always looking to make moves. No one wheels and deals like the People's Champ.  Last week we traded for Chris Ivory.  Didn't play him, but that's okay because we packaged him with Sammy Watkins and Tom Brady in a deal to Troi and his 1-3 Future Ex-Cons for Drew Brees, Carlos Hyde, and Larry Fitzgerald.  Cutler's been putting up good numbers, but Drew Brees is a sure thing week in and week out.  He's going to get his points even when he's losing.

So now look at Renal Failure: Starting blue chip QB who will throw all day long.  Beast Mode at RB, ready to dominate any week.  Alfred Morris at the other RB spot, the only dependable aspect of the 'Skins offense.  Demaryius Thomas and Jeremy Maclin at WR - the main receivers in pass-happy offenses. What fantasy owner wouldn't love a core group like that?

How the rest of the league sees Renal Failure's trading strategy...

Oh, and did we mention we still have C.J. Spiller AND Fred Jackson for RB depth and FLEX options, not to mention we picked up Bishop Sankey at a time where the Titans are actually going to run him more seeing how he's the only one on the team with talent?  Hell, even Jason Witten's starting to pick up his game just in case Zach Ertz somehow does not live up to his TE Of The Future billing.  And when Frank Gore and Doug Martin go down with injuries (because they've done it before) we've got Bobby Rainey and Carlos Hyde on standby, ready to play or ready to deal.

So going into Week 5 vs. Predator Press, we're liking our odds a bit more than usual.  We have reloaded and restocked, no one's on a bye, and 1-3 is the kind of desperate situation that historically has seen Renal Failure rally.  And though Yahoo! sees the matchup as a slight advantage to the People's Champ over LOBO's Predator Press, you can feel it in the air that Renal Failure's going to get business done in a big way.

Everyone does the air drums to this...

We'll see whether The People are on back on track or we've blown up our season.  Gotta love the desperation that comes after the four game mark to salvage or maintain a fantasy season.  The waiver wire Hail Mary's. The Machiavellian trades. The clinging to hope that long-shots pay off and everyone else stays healthy.  We're going for broke, baby!  Or at least that fourth-seed.

Renal Failure is the People's Champ of the HBFFL and the FTWL.  We got housed just as bad in the FTWL in Week Four too so apparently we don't win when Marshawn Lynch doesn't play. But Beast Mode is back and we're playing LOBO in the FTWL too, and Yahoo! likes his chances even less there.


Chris C said...

At 12:45 pm I was debating Smith or Benjamin. Still like the call of Benjamin cause of course it didn't matter, and one play gave Smith all the extra points. Take away that deflected pass for a 60 yd td and Smith gets 13-15 points, same as Benjamin.

Michael Wolfe said...

-What you "feel coming in the air tonight" is a big, thick golden stink.