Wednesday, October 15, 2014

The People's Week 6: The Bourbon Went Dry

by Renal Failure

Sometimes your opponent beats themselves...

Not a good Week Six for the People's Champ Renal Failure, but good enough to pull out a slim 94-87 victory over HBFFL veteran Joe O. and his Bourbon Blasters.  Our victory came mainly from the arm of Jay Cutler (31pts), the hands of Demaryius Thomas (23pts) and from Joe's lineup choking at the most inopportune time.

The only person who had a worse week than the Blasters
 The Blasters were down 8 points going into the Monday night game.  All of Renal Failure's squad had played and Joe had Frank Gore and Brian Quick (traded to Joe by us) left to play.  The People won't lie, they pretty much believed their Champion was fucked six ways to next Thursday night's game.  However, Quick got smothered and put up a goose-egg and Gore was barely able to muster a single point in the Niners victory over the Rams. Andre Williams, Joe's big waiver wire addition this week, did not come through as expected with only 5pts in that debacle vs. the Eagles. Percy Harvin probably was better off not even playing this week (0pts). Andre Johnson languished on the Blaster's bench with 14-we-would-have-won points.

This covered up a horrendous day from the Renal Failure starters. Jeremy Maclin was about the only Eagles to not have a good game against the Giants on Sunday night (1pt). Beast Mode and Alfred Morris put up backup RB numbers (6 and 5 respectively) and were outscored by Fred Jackson and God's placekicker Cody Parkey (9pts a piece). 

Half your lineup not scoring can come out of nowhere and push your losing streak to four straight games too...

The People improve to 3-3 on the season, hanging on to 4th place just above our opponent for Week 7, the 3-3 Future Ex-Cons.  The two-time defending HBFFL champs kept pace with a victory of Cranberry Sauce, sending the Sauce into a 5-team pileup of 2-4 teams. Troi's looking to springboard into the 4th all by himself with a victory over Renal Failure, but that may be trickier than he thinks.

The Eagles are on a bye week, so no Maclin, no Zach Ertz, and even more important no Cody Parkey.  Luckily, that trade with Troi earlier in the season brought us Larry Fitzgerald who is starting to get his motor running (and it helps that he's playing against the Raiders this week).  Jason Witten's getting back to being a regular target for Tony Romo, so we're cool on the TE side.  That leaves the kicker position, and we're bringing the man, the myth, the legend... BILLY CUNDIFF!

You can't handle Billy Cundiff's sweet moves!
The People think it's actually a pretty sweet move considering the Cleveland Browns offense has been humming with Brian Hoyer at the helm.  They put up 31 against the Steelers and they're playing the Jaguars this week. A lot of points could be hitting the board in that game for Cleveland.

Troi still has Peyton Manning slinging the pigskin, but if he's throwing mostly to Demaryius Thomas it's not going to Troi much good.  The converse could be said regarding our Drew Brees and his Marques Colston until you remember that Brees throws to the ball to every eligible receiver for the Saints.  Better look to Golden Tate going big in the absence of a healthy Megatron, and for DeSean Jackson to get a 60-yard TD.  And are you going to take Justin Forsett and Ahmad Bradshaw over the Marshawn Lynch and Alfred Morris, especially with Beast Mode and Morris coming off bad performances the week before?

Brees has a tough matchup vs. Detroit, but he throws the ball all day so he'll get his points. Beast Mode is going to be a beast vs. the Rams.  Alfred Morris can certainly run against the JV team called the Tennessee Titans.  Even Fred Jackson has a very favorable matchup against the Vikings (are they even trying anymore?) 

We're bringing hot fire to Week 7, and random nudity too!

Yahoo!'s giving the early projected edge to Renal Failure 113 to 99. Much of our score is coming from 21 projected points to Demaryius Thomas, which seems a bit high until you realize Peyton Manning is projected for 33 on Troi's side.  The People like their chances of Renal Failure hitting the 113 mark and higher in Week Seven. 

Standing at 4-3 in either 4th or 3rd place (if Mile High Club loses to The DreamCrushers!) at the halfway point in the season would be an excellent position for Renal Failure to be in.  Most of our main talent would be done with their bye weeks and we like our depth if the injury bug bites us. But we have to win Week 7 first.  Being 3-4 at the halfway point isn't a death sentence — we've certainly come back from worse predicaments — but it won't be easy. 

Renal Failure is the People's Champion and the 2010 HBFFL and FTWL champion.  Joe got his vengeance by beating us in the FTWL by a score of 138-113. Yahoo! enjoyed our effort and gave us a B+ in the recap, which is better than the C we got for our HBFFL win, which tells us that winning your game has no effect on your Yahoo! computerized recap grade.

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