Friday, September 4, 2009

The People's Return

Our team has a ninja... does yours?

The chaos that is the 2009 auto-draft has ended and Renal Failure, The People's Champion (8-6, finished 7th), has emerged looking much like they did in 2008.

Philip Rivers (4th in QB points in '08) returns to the Failure as starting QB. Maurice-Jones Drew and Steve Slaton (10th and 8th in '08) are back as an even more dangerous one/two RB combo now that Fred Taylor is no longer vulturing touchdowns in Jacksonville. Hines Ward returns to provide stability in the WR slot, and our DEF is anchored by the ever-steady Philadelphia Eagles (1st in '08).

Unfortunately our MVP of last season WR Larry Fitzgerald was gobbled up by Paula's GooglyEyed Goons, and the third head on our Three-Headed Hydra of Running Backs (and the People's Best Free Agent Pickup from '08) Chris Johnson ended up on La Machine. We're hoping WR TJ Houshmandzadeh can revitalize his career in Seattle, and that Reggie Bush has another injury-plagued season in New Orleans so RB Pierre Thomas gets a chance to shine and our Three-Headed Hydra can be ressurected.

(Note: actually we had a four-headed Hydra last season with Jones-Drew, Slaton, Johnson, and Joseph Addai, giving us the deepest RB core in the league even with Addai's sub-par season.)

The loss of Chicago's DEF is countered by the acquisition of Tampa Bay. We lost K's David Akers (2nd in '08) and Rob Bironas, but we figure Nate Kaeding and Neil Rackers will be quite busy in the high-offense cities of San Diego and Arizona respectively. And Eli Manning has the pedigree and breeding to fill in as backup QB when necessary.

But the biggest pickup in this draft was of the man who single-handedly destroyed our playoff chances last season: The People's Scourge TE Dallas Clark. His improbable 21 point game against Tennessee sank us against the Ramblers in Week 8, but now we've ensured that Mr. Clark will not screwing us like that again.

When you play against Renal Failure, you play against The People. And The People are dangerous, like a crib made out of rusty nails and broken glass. We look forward to a fantasy football season of wild fabrications, outright lies, and violent, delusional week-to-week mood swings.

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