Who can stop this blonde menace?

Leigh addresses the HBFFL...

There is a terrible tyrant at the top of the standings, and the task of toppling this despot falls to Renal Failure this week. And the Failure is up to the task. Why?

Because Renal Failure is the People's Champion.

See, Leigh is the Queen of Fantasy Football, and it's always the People who rise up to overthrow an abusive monarchy. And a 101-point margin of victory over The Ramblers more than qualifies as abusive. And Renal Failure is just the team to help the people rise up and cast off these oppressive chains. Why?

Because Renal Failure is the People's Champion.

Yes, Leigh put up more points in one week than Renal Failure has put up in the last two. Yes, Leigh has not only the top quarterback but the top two running backs in the league as well. Yes, Leigh destroyed the us in Week Four 121-94 and also has a four-game winning streak just like we do. But that doesn't matter here in Week 13. Why?

Because Renal Failure is the People's Champion.

If Leigh wins this week, she just doesn't beat Renal Failure, she beats The People. She beats all of you (and clinches the number one seed in the playoffs while putting our playoff hopes in the Intensive Care Unit). This week we are all Renal Failure. It's like being Spartacus, but less greasy.

But even though the task is tall and the Queen is most formidable, there is something in The People's favor: Matchups. Super QB Drew Brees plays a tough Tampa Bay defense and Adrian Petersen has to run against the Bears. The People's running backs Chris Johnson and Maurice Jones-Drew have favorable matchups against Detroit and Houston, and Philip Rivers has Atlanta who is 23rd in pass defense. Unfortunately Terrell Owens also gets to play against a porous Seattle squad, but we can't make it easy for the People's Champion now can we?

The People have spoken, and they want freedom.

Tuesday Morning QB: All hail, the Queen of the HBFFL!

So as I mentioned yesterday, Leigh spanked me again, but I didn't have the final score included then. However, this morning in the comments of that post, Leigh rubbed it in: "Actually, the final score was 168-67, and the margin of victory, in itself, was more than what 8 of the other teams scored," adding "but I'm humble."

Hell, she doesn't have to be humble. With a combined 85 points, her top two players, Drew Brees and Michael Turner (who would've thunk, Brees and Turner?!?), outscored my entire team and that wasn't even counting T.O. and Steve Smith with a combined 53 points themselves.

In fact, I will go so far as to crown Leigh the Queen of the HBFFL, because that's what she is. With a record of 9-3, she stands alone atop the standings.

Yeah, yeah, you show her some respect, beyotch.

No second guessing here today or talking about percentages. Leigh's got them all covered.

You rock, Queen Leigh, and in your honor, a little Queen:



I tried to find an appropriate Queen Latifah video, but none of them really worked, although this one is pretty close to working.

For all you ladies in the house...

Spanked again!

Leigh puts the hurting on me again. In our first meeting, she spanked me 107-66. So far, this time, with one game left, she has gone

on my ass again 123-32, and she looked damn good doing it too, thanks to big days from both T.O. and Michael Turner. Fantasy slut.

More analysis on my feature Tuesday Morning Quarterback tomorrow.

Some weeks you're Ralph Macchio, other weeks you're William Zabka

Things can wildly change from week to week here in the Humor Bloggers Fantasy Football League... like the mood of a bipolar drunk girl whose phone calls to her boyfriend are going unanswered.

Last week, Renal Failure were the plucky underdogs against heavy favorite La Machine, and the Failure won with big games from unlikely players such as Joseph Addai and Hines Ward (and as always Larry Fitzgerald). This week, armed with a three-game winning streak, Renal Failure (6-5) now finds itself as the Apollo Creed/Clubber Lang/Ivan Drago to the Googly-Eyed Goons' (4-7) Rocky Balboa. Even worse, momentum and the projected stats are with the Failure... which as we've seen before can only mean disaster for us.

Or does it?

All is not meek and mild on Paula's roster of Goons. She fronts the third and fourth best receivers in the league, and running back Kevin Smith (who I released earlier in the season when he apparently had polio)has been on a hot streak lately. That's very bold for an underdog team. Too bold.

And this isn't the same Renal Failure as seen in previous outings. The waiver wire brought us the bounty known as Steve Slaton (thanks Ramblers), giving the Failure the deepest running back corps in the league (even deeper than Fantasy Virgin's Adrian Petersen/Michael Turner/Matt Forte/Cedric Benson quartet). When it comes to the RB and W/R positions, there is little chance that we can't find a quality match-up for maximum pointage.

Three games are left in the regular season and Renal Failure finds themselves one game out of the Top Four. Even if we win the rest of our games, there's no guarantee that we make the playoffs. Depending on what La Machine, Fantasy Virgin, The Ramblers, The White Strypers, and Predator Press do with their remaining games, we could be on our way to a tie-breaker situation so massive that Donovan McNabb would still not be able to understand it even with flowcharts and puppets.

Tuesday Morning QB: Lessons learned

Don't taunt your opponent in the comments on his blog.

Well, while I did shamelessly taunt Canucklehead in last week's edition of Tuesday Morning QB, I didn't taunt him in the comments on his blog-- and as a (I believe, direct) result, won 85-69 against his What the Canuck? team.

Don't believe everything you read.

Even though some sites that I frequent are high on a player (Tim Hightower) doesn't mean said player will actually put up high scores (unless you're in the world of Sesame Street and 3 is a big number):

Don't believe a player's previous game's stats.

T.J. Houshmandzadeh had only 65 yards for a whopping 6 fantasy points in Week 9 against the Jacksonville Jaguars.

This week, he had an eye-popping 149 yards and one touchdown for an ass-kicking 25 points.

Don't believe the hype.

On paper, based on records, La Machine and The White Strypers should have destroyed Renal Failure and Washington Crooks, respectively.

But both acronymic RF and AoE pulled out the win over two guys just content to use their real names Chris and Matt. Now that I'm using the UR symbol, maybe my luck will change:

Names of teams sometimes don't reflect the level of experience of a team.

Leigh is no fantasy virgin, as she now stands alone atop the HBFFL with an 8-3 record. If I dare say it --and I dare-- she is a fantasy slut.

Unfortunately, for me, I am facing Leigh this week, and last time I faced her I was spanked 107-66.

Next week's No. 1 lesson learned: Don't bring up past losses to an opponent you're playing that week-- and, oh, don't call her a slut, even if in jest.