Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Death Blossom works! Mah God! Death Blossom!

Renal Failure told you that Week 7 was going to be a Duke-tastrophy for someone... and I do believe that our Canadian competition getting beat by 76 points by the implausible 1/4th of Renal Failure's 5/4th roster constitutes a Duke-tastrophy of Duke-licious proportions.

Note: The answer to the question of where Quizibuk or Duke-tastrophy comes from is the 90's cartoon The Critic.

Now the rest of the Renal Roster is back and not a moment too soon. Week 8 brings The Ramblers, who along with sitting tied for first place in the standings is also the only other team in the league who has scored more points than Renal Failure. This is cause for concern in the Renal ranks, as it shows they have the prowess to score the requisite 120+ points needed to beat us like La Machine, Fantasy Virgin, and Predator Press have done (discounting our Week One loss because that was like the first day of school).

But Renal Failure has a few things in their favor in this pivotal contest. Most of the Renal Starters are coming off bye weeks, meaning they are fresh and ready to perform. Also the Ramblers have to start backup QB Derek Anderson, who has only scored half as many points as starter Aaron Rodgers. Thirdly, Renal Failure has a two-game winning streak, the Ramblers don't. That's what we call Renal Momentum, and since it's the first multiple game winning streak for the Failure we're not quite sure what it will do for us. Then again, we didn't know what Death Blossom would do either, and that turned out more than all right for us.

A Renal Victory over a top tier opponent makes us serious playoff contenders. A Renal Defeat puts the season in jeopardy and will deliver a serious setback to our super secret "win the rest of our games" plan to make the real playoffs. A Renal Tie... well, ties are like kissing your sister. But we don't have a sister. Does the UnfinishedRambler have a sister? Is she hot? Does she mind wandering hands?