Sunday, December 25, 2011

Predator Press HBFFL 2011 Champion

Predator Press


I have said over the past few weeks that I didn’t think my team could defeat many teams out there. And I went on to say explicitly, “Nobody is beating Renal Failure, barring RF’s team suffering an unlikely cascade of unfortunate catastrophic events.”

It would take –dare I say it?

A miracle.

With the lowest “Points Against” even now, it was clear early on that Jesus wasn't going to let you pagan infidels score against me. And nobody was more floored than I to see the vast number of last-minute horrific injuries Jesus would inflict upon your pagan infidel teams to ensure my 2011 triumph.

So we must ponder solemnly upon the message that Jesus is sending us with this victory -on His very Sacred and Hallowed Birthday- and be thankful for His benevolent and judicious generosity. For what better Christmas gift can Jesus give you but the gift of me? And a glorious reign under my iron fists of galvanized Anointed wisdom for the next 8760 hours?

Well, 8759 now.

-It took me an hour to write this.

So first, I should take a few of these regal moments to articulate a well thought out rebuttal to Renal Failure’s recent insightful and comprehensive Humor Bowl analysis:


Now that have that out of the way, I should also underline that I fear nothing. Except brain eating amoebas.  And most birds.  And tap water.  And confined spaces, open spaces, bees, Brussels sprouts, Hittites, Styrofoam, latex, icebergs, robots, bobcats, umbrellas, people named "Clyde," triangles, the number 4, most small children, New Jersey, stairs, everything after 'Bromine' on the Periodic Table, crowds, saccharin, airline travel, hyenas, zebras, and numerous judges from a list of municipalities too long to list.


Further, I would like to individually acknowledge and thank all those that made this glorious, historic reign possible:

And finally, thanks to my formidable, funny, respected HBFFL colleagues and Unfinished Person for another really fun season.

-See you on the gridiron next year!



nonamedufus said...

Is that a Barbie crown and sceptre, Nancy?

LOBO said...

Haha ... already "Congratulations are in Disorder."


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the shout-out...but it's all about YOU on this day...oh, and for some people, that Jesus character too. Yeah, whatever...congratulations, YOU!

LOBO said...


-As Champion, I’m already working on making football more fantasy-friendly next year with new rules that will cause less anxiety.

Quarter 1: same as now, but it’s 15 hours long. This might seem excessive, but there’s only one game per season.

Quarter 2: team survivors play the rest of the respective Division.

Quarter 3: survivors play the Boston Celtics, and then

Quarter 4: remaining survivors play Jeopardy-style Trivial Pursuit for Superbowl rings.

-Needless to say, the halftime show will be spectacular.

Chris C said...

Always be afraid of the flying rods.

Congrats man.

Four years, four different champions.

LOBO said...

Thank Chris!

Was telling UP how since Week 13, I was stressing about merely finishing in the top 3 -I even drafted my conciliatory post to RF titled, "All the Marbles Lost" which would have appeared probably today.

MIGHT be online to watch your showdown with Joe tonight, but some friends are trying to drag me out to watch the game at a pub; could end up tracking it on my phone and Twittering snark at you guys. :)

Chris C said...

Oh and for the second time in four years our champion is a man with a tiara.

LOBO said...

Yeah, but mine's cool.