Sunday, December 11, 2011

The Predators Pray

Predator Press


I’m not going to produce fancy “facts” and “mathematics.”  I’m just going to come right out and say Chris’ latest gridiron menace is every inch as formidable as his previous incarnations.

In fact the mere thought of facing his team again makes my genitalia want to suddenly retreat up into my stomach.  For those of you unfamiliar with that feeling, I have provided this image:

But how does Ben Roethlisboner keep getting his arms and legs snapped off, and still throw in for 22 points using only his lips? And in Week 14, how does Predator Press still have the lowest “Points Against” in the entire league?

It can mean only one thing.

Divine intervention.

Jesus wants all you pagan infidels smoten.

-And He is using me as His Divine Holy Smiterator!

I, for one, think bein thrown down into the fiery pits of Hell where you'll all be roasted in lava pits of salted glass shards (while Jesus an I push your heads under with our sandals laughin like giddy little schoolgirls) for all Eternity might actually do you miscreants some good.

-It might even turn some of you into creants!


LOBO said...

At this moment, GB is up by 30.

Would it kill anyone to let Finley try and kick a few field goals?

LOBO said...

The way it stands now, my kicker Dan Bailey will need 40 points to vanquish Drank good 'n proper.

And I've never seen a kicker get 40 points before. By my calculatrons, Bailey will have to ricochet the ball off of Tony Romo's helmet, and into Jason Witten's hands.

-Jesus is gonna make this last game spectacular!