Friday, December 3, 2010

Week 13 Partial Preview: Renal Failure vs. La Machine - Crap Just Got Real

by Renal Failure

Chris never met our Uncle Willie...

Week 13 brings Renal Failure not only a third shot at revenge at Chris for 1) ruining our perfect season in 2009, 2) beating us in the 2009 HBFFL Championship Game, and 3) beating us in Week 4, but it also gives your People's Champion the opportunity to kill La Machine's playoff hopes in 2010 and that we believe will wound Chris the most. It's as if we've played a long game of revenge (though not as long as the revenge game in the movie Oldboy), allowing Chris climb so high that it makes the fall we've inevitably planned for him even more injurious.

Renal Failure, once thought dead and buried at 2-5, has rattled off five big wins to not only get to 7-5 but to position themselves in a dominant position should a playoff spot go down to the Points For tiebreaker. Over those five victorious weeks, Renal Failure has scored 90, 132, 124, 123, and 166 points to rocket up the second-most amount of Points For in the league (only 3 behind the now Frank Gore-less Ramblers). And it's someone different on the Renal roster throwing a bear into orbit each week. Sometimes it's Tom Brady, other times it's Peyton Hillis, or Chris Johnson, or Brandon Lloyd, or Dwayne Bowe, or even worse a combination of this unholy fivesome.

Dwayne Bowe isn't jumping... he just levitates around the field until it's time to place his feet in the end zone.

Now the People are going to have to work from behind this week because Chris made the smart move of starting LeSean McCoy at running back. Shady McCoy put up a big 24 points vs. Texans. All right, Chris. Well played. You're going to make the People's Champ work for this win, eh? We can do that. We neutralized Arian Foster's 36-point day back in Week 9 with Peyton Hillis' 38-point day, who says Hillis can't do it again?

Chris is also starting Eli Manning and Marcedes Lewis, who he got off us in that trade for Peyton Hillis and Brandon Pettigrew. Could this be the trade revenge game, like the ones we regularly have against Mr. Unfinished Rambler? Or is this game where Chris regrets giving us Peyton Hillis (we're not starting Pettigrew this week) and everyone else in the HBFFL gives Chris the stink-eye and says with a sneer "Thanks Chris for being responsible for saving Renal Failure's season, jackass. Now we have to deal with that asshole talking shit about being in the playoffs."

Do not defy the will of Ines Sainz, Chris. She will smite you with impotence...

Yahoo! has Renal Failure winning 102-87, but that doesn't mean much with Shady McCoy exceeding his projected score by 11 and Renal Failure exceeding their projected score for the past five weeks. If La Machine wins, they keep their season alive for another week. If Renal Failure wins, they don't clinch a playoff spot just yet but they put themselves in the driver's seat for one and continue to control their own destiny, which is just how they like it. Besides, we don't need to be reminded what losing feels like; we did enough of that earlier in the season.

When was the last time Renal Failure lost a game? The answer is above, but you may have to watch the video a few times to pick it up.

Renal Failure sees no reason why there has to be Thursday night games. Really, outside of Thanksgiving they serve no purpose.

1 comment:

Chris C said...

So close...I'm afraid the deflector shields will be quite operational when your friends arrive.