Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Week 18: The People's Retrospective

How Renal Failure spent his Christmas while not in contemplation of what went wrong...

Like we did last year, it's time for the People's Champion to look back on their dominating fantasy football season (except for that horrific bit at the end). We'll go by position and value to our season...

Philip Rivers had the 8th most points in the league for QB's, was steady all season long, and really could have done a lot better but LaDainian Tomlinson had a sort of resurrection this season to take touchdowns away from Rivers. Even our backup Eli Manning did statistically well considering his foot issues and the Giants sucking, finishing 11th in QB points. Though at no point did we consider benching Rivers for Eli. Plus Eli only started really putting up good numbers after the trade deadline, so we couldn't even use him as trade bait.

Tight End
Three words: Dallas fucking Clark. Finished second among TE in points behind Vernon Davis, though to be fair he really didn't play in Week 16 (stupid Colts, resting their players, don't they know there are lonely people playing Fantasy Football depending on them to validate their existences?). The former People's Scourge became the People's Hero this year. Dallas Clark is so money, countries peg their currency to his performance.

Dallas Clark once had a cold and almost completed devalued the yuen...

Running back
Our one-two punch of Maurice Jones-Drew and Stephen Jackson finished 3rd and 8th respectively in RB points, which is impressive for SJax considering the horrid year the Rams had (and he only four TD's the whole year too). Too bad SJax's back gave out right at Week 16, but when you're carrying an entire team it's going to take its toll. We traded Steve Slaton at the perfect time for SJax, so we get awesome fantasy-savvy kudos for that. We also gave up Tim Hightower in that epic deal but he finished 24th in points so he was not missed. Then there was Jonathan Stewart, but we'll get to why we let him go later. Among our remaining RB's... Pierre Thomas filled in adequately during bye weeks, considering he had to compete for touches with Reggie Bush and Mike Bell all year, but wasn't the monster he was at the end of 2008. And LeSean McCoy was only on our roster to dangle in front of LOBO as trade bait when Brian Westbrook went down with his concussions. Sure, it didn't work out but the theory was sound.

Renal Failure has a talent for scoring unconvential points, seen this year with Nate Kaeding leading the league in kicker points. Beware the kicker! Wild Card, bitches! Yeeehaw!

Nate Kaeding once kicked a bear to Mars...

Defense/Special Teams
Our ace in the hole once again as the Philadelphia Eagles led the league in scoring for DEF (like they did last year). Also they were the reason we opened the season with a win over La Machine. You think "The Wild Card" is just a catchy nickname? No, it's a way of life (bitches!).

Wide Receiver
The People's Weak Spot. Hines Ward and Chad Ochocinco (thanks Rambler) finished 13th and 14th among their receiving brethren. Our next highest receiver was NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year Percy Harvin in 25th and we barely used him. T.J. Houshmandzadeh (30th) was the People's Biggest Dissapointment this year, but that's what we get for depending on a Hasselbeck (Matt, Tim, Elizabeth... trust none of them). The receiver we traded for Ochocinco, Jerricho Cotchery, was 34th so that was a big upgrade for us considering Cotchery soon went down with an injury and Braylon Edwards leeched targets away from him. Jeremy Maclin was... eh.

Free Agents/Waivers
Last year we picked up DeSean Jackson and Chris Johnson before people got wise to how good they'd be. This year, we didn't do so hot regarding free agents so it's a damn good thing we had a solid autodraft (Rivers, MJD, Clark, Ward, Kaeding, Eagles DEF) and traded extremely well (Ochocinco, SJax). But I guess when you're riding a 9-game winning streak to start the season you don't hit that free agent pool as hard or as often as you would if you were 4-5 or 3-6. If it ain't broke...

Percy Harvin was a decent pickup but we didn't use him much. Marshawn Lynch didn't develop into the trade bait we hoped he'd be and neither did Mohammed Massaquoi or LeSean McCoy (we actually picked him up twice this season). We had Jonathan Stewart at one point but stupidly let him go for the San Diego Defense in a pure panic move when the Eagles were shaky (you're welcome, Ramblers). We really could have used him for the Championship Game (32pts... we didn't get 32 points total out Ward, Ochocinco, MJD, and Dallas Cark that day). We actually had Chris Chambers in the beginning of the season but we dropped him for Tim Hightower who we used to get SJax and Ochocinco, so put a tally in our Clever column for that.

Ninja Vicki and Samurai Cathy wanted Paula to trade Larry Fitzgerald to us. Unfortunately Paula hadn't touched her team since Week 5.

So, who is the People's MVP this season? Rivers? MJD? Nate Kaeding? No, the person who had the most to do with Renal Failure successful season was UnfinishedPerson and this Rambler squad for the trade with us in Week 6. We were 5-0 before the trade, and without it we certainly wouldn't have gone 7-2 the rest of the season. And we sure as hell wouldn't have survived Tom Brady's 60-point game in Week 7. Plus it prompted Renal Failure to coin the best Fantasy Football phrase of all time: "throw a bear into outer space." Too bad the video of Lou Ferrigno has Hercules throwing a bear into outer space is no longer on Youtube. But it will live forever in our memories...

Now, here in the NFL postseason, let's see how good the People are in picking playoff winners...

---Renal Failure will return in HBFFL 2K10: The Quickening.

1 comment:

Chris C said...

I found another version of the video on YouTube. :)

I'll switch out the embed code in the original post.

So is Dallas Clark the Chuck Norris of currency value?