Thursday, January 14, 2010

2010 NFL Playoff Projections: Divisional Round

Welcome everyone to another week of HBFFL's exclusive 2010 NFL Playoff Predictions. Last week in the wild card round, Rambler and Renal Failure went 2-2 while I sucked the big one at 1-3.

This week is the attack of the domes with three of the four Divisional Round games being played indoors. Weird.

New York Jets vs. San Diego Chargers

Ramblers: Here's a game I don't give a poop about, so let's say Jets because of again one name: Darrelle Revis.

Jets 27, Chargers 14

Chris: (Chris' predictions this week are written in his native New England dialect.)

The Chaagahs look wicked pissah this week against the freaking Jets. Hey guy their quahtaback plays like he’s got a Dunkins iv or some shit and San Diego is more dangerous then a rotary at rush hour. And no way frigging Revis can shutdown the whole team. Plus the Jets are retahds.

Chaagahs win dude 32-24.

Renal Failure: Now you might expect Renal Failure to pick the Jets again, because that would the sort of thing the Wild Card of the HBFFL would do. And you'd be wrong because you cannot expect anything from the Wild Card.

Our Fantasy QB of the last two seasons Philip Rivers is better than Carson Palmer and has more weapons at his disposal. Daryl Revis can't cover everyone. And the Chargers D will be more demanding of Matt Sanchez who only does all right when nothing is expected of him. Oh, and something about Nate Kaeding too.

Chargers 27 Jets 17.

Baltimore Ravens vs. Indianapolis Colts

Ramblers: One name: Billy Cundiff.

Ravens 21, Colts 19

Chris: Both teams losing would be wicked awesome but I have a bettah chance of seeing flippah swimmin’ in Boston Hahba. Freaking Peyton Mannin will win anothah playoff game if they can shut down that frigging running back dude Ray Rice.

Colts show they ah wicked pissah and beat the stupid Ravans 24-17.

Renal Failure: No one just walks into Foxboro and puts a foot up the Patriots' ass by accident. And the last two times the Colts have rested their starters in the last weeks of the season (2005 and 2007), they've lost in the playoffs.

Not to say the Colts won't keep it close, especially since they have The People's Hero of 2009 Dallas Clark, but the Ravens are red hot. Do not doubt the power of Billy Cundiff. Everyone else did and look what happened.

Ravens 23 Colts 20.

Arizona Cardinals vs. New Orleans Saints

Ramblers: I hate the Saints and have hated them all season.

So that said, and based on my pure hatred of them, I go with the Cardinals. Plus Kurt Warner is a Christian. I'm a Christian (but not of the asshat Pat Robertson flavor either) so there...

...I know, I should be going for the Saints, because of the Christian name and I'm Catholic, but they're from New Orleans, a hotbed of sin, and where Santeria, which is a perversion of Catholicism, is prevalent.

Cardinals 57, Saints 49

Chris: Dude guy man the Caadnils have a wicked bad defense. You can only go to the bubblah so many times before it runs out of freaking watah or somethin’ like that. And frigging Brees is an animal. Wahnah is nasty too guy so it should be a wicked crazy shootout.

New Orleans wins the ahms race of Wahnah vs. Brees 42-32

Renal Failure: The Saints don't scare anyone anymore but if any team in the playoffs can keep up with the Cardinals in a shootout, it's them. Still, putting up 51 against the Packers has to count for something, right? And this looks to be Kurt Warner's last season too. The Wild Card likes a hungry team so we're going with Arizona.

Cardinals 42 Saints 40

Dallas Cowboys at Minnesota Vikings

Ramblers: I hate the Cowboys. As a Steelers fan of old, I never can pull for a Cowboys team. One name: Roger Staubach. The Steelers faced the Cowboys three times in the Super Bowl, winning twice.

As a Steelers fan of old, I also should hate the Vikings. One name: Fran Tarkenton. However, the Steelers only faced the Vikings once and won.

So because of that (thanks, Fran, and Dave Osborn for the safety that got the Steelers rolling in that Super Bowl), and because I like Brett Favre, because he's almost as old as I am, I'm going to pick the Vikings.

Vikings 34, Cowboys 27

Chris: A wicked weiid matchup. Both average a lot of yahds but Dallas doesn’t like to score points. The Vikings do guy. Both have quahtabacks that make wicked bad mistakes sometimes. Remember when Fahve threw all those intaceptions? Yeah he was on the retahded Jets.

Petason runs all over the wicked sucky Dallas defense and Minnesota wins guy, 38-16.

Renal Failure: We face a bit of a dilemma with this game. Our disdain for the Cowboys is well documented, but we also can't stand the aging primadonna known as Brett Favre. Oh, the joy we felt back when Tony Romo botched the hold on that field goal against Seattle in the playoffs years ago. His tears of bottomless sadness tasted so good.

But we also remember the relief we felt when it looked like we might have been free from Brett Favre and his incessant retirement drama and all the sportcasters licking his ass, relief that he then crushed by signing with the Vikings. The Cowboys bulldozed the Eagles last week, but I don't think they do so well against a team with an actual running game.

Vikings 27 Cowboys 21.
The 2010 Playoff Projections are written by blog contributors Rambler, Renal Failure, and myself, Chris Cameron.

1 comment:

Leigh's Husband said...

Dallas over Minn.
New Orleans over Arizona
San Diego over Jets
Indy over Ravens.