How I Beat Tom Brady...Twice In One Week

by nonamedufus

Your humble fantasy football fan - that's me, nonamedufus - is gonna gloat. Not only did he crush Bald Spots this week. He crushed Bald Spots and Tom Brady. Yeah that's right, Gisele Bundchen's boy toy. How did he do this? With his absolutely astute choice in quarterbacks - Aaron Rodgers.

Rodgers racked up 56 points for our nonames (Clever name, eh?) in the Humor Blogger Fantasy Football League against Brady's 19 points for the Bald Spots. In every quarterback ranking I read in preparation for this piece - okay, two - the professional prognosticators give the edge to Brady. Well, nannie, nannie boo-boo. As Connie Francis used to say: "Who's sorry now?"

Loyalties were divided in the dufus household when I told Mrs D I was playing against Brady in both my fantasy leagues, the HBFFL and the FTWL. (I have no idea what that acronym stands for. I think maybe it's Find The Wiener League in homage to Bret Favre.) She loves Tom Brady. She says it's something to do with how well he wears his uniform. Says she loves his tight end...and she's not talking about Rob Gronkowski.

Guys, did you know "Bundchen" was Spanish for tight end?

Any way, over in our sister league I had just replaced Matt Schaub with Joe Flacco at QB on my team godufus (Clever name, eh?). Those two ranking sites I spoke of earlier list the two 11th and 12th QBs in terms of performance, but prior to this weekend Flacco was leading Schaub in fantasy points. After the weekend Flacco's 5 points wasn't as good as Schaub's 10 and not, for that matter, Brady's 19. But I narrowly beat Multiple Scorgasms with a little help from Arizona's Beanie Wells' 36 points. Wells had been a questionable starter too. All right Wells!

And there you have it. So after week four dufus' nonames are 2-2-0 and godufus is 1-2-1. It's a slow start. But slow and steady is more gratifying when it comes to sex...and football. I could go all the way...um, in my fantasy leagues.

This happens to me a lot.

This is nonamedufus telling it like it is.

I'm all about the modern, yo

I interrupt this week's regularly scheduled Tuesday Morning Quarterback post for a rebuttal of sorts to my fellow HBFFL owners who seem to think I live under a rock. To wit, this past week our esteemed leader Chris, who indicated that I used smoke signals to catch live NFL games and then later LOBO, in a comment on one of Renal Failure's posts, indicated that I use a transistor radio.

I would like to dispel those myths by showing you what I actually use to catch live NFL games:



It's been around since the last century, the latter part of the century unlike LOBO's suggestion of a transistor radio which was much earlier, and a century after the 19th unlike Chris's suggestion of smoke signals. True, I haven't caught up to the 21st century yet, but one day I will get there...

via fixedgear on Flickr

2011 HBFFL Week Four Fantasy MVPs

That could be Aaron Rodgers or nonames' dominating roster throwing an endangered species around. Or it could be Aquaman expressing his clear prejudice for land mammals.

Either way you slice it nonames pwned the MVP's this week.

QB: A. Rodgers 56 points (408 yds, 4 pass TD's, 2 rush TD, +5 300+ yds, 1INT, 1 40+ pass TD, 436 rush yds)
nonames

RB: M. Forte 33 points (205 yds, 1 rush TD's, 1 40+ rush TD, +5 100+ yds 23 rec yds)
What the Canuck?

WR: H. Nicks 27 points (162 yds, 1 rec TD's, +5 100+ yds)
nonames

TE: J. Graham 24 points (132 yds, 1 rec TD's, +5 100+ yds)
nonames

(Points are based on the following system: Passing-1 pt/20 yds, 4 pt TD, 5 point 300+ yds, 40+ yd TD 2 pt; Receiving/Rushing- 1pt/10 yds, 6pt TD, 5 point bonus 100+ yds, 40+ yd TD 2 pt; 2Pt Conversion 2 pts)

Houston, We Have a Problem

Predator Press

[LOBO]

"This is Houston.  And you think you have problems ... ?"

Week 4: An Old Nemesis Returns

by 2010 HBFFL Champion Renal Failure





This is what happens when you fuck with Billy Cundiff...

Renal Failure welcomed Troi into the HBFFL with a pedestrian 91-81 victory. Chris Johnson was still looking to get his dominant form back, Tony Romo had a poor Monday night vs. the Redskins, and Brandon Lloyd still hasn't shown the brilliance that made him the WR with the most yards last year. However, LeSean McCoy continues to bring his A-Game and new addition Calvin "Megatron" Johnson has shown why he always get drafted in the first round of fantasy drafts.

But such a mediocre performance isn't going to stop Chris and his 3-0 Purple Drank squad. Purple Drank leads the HBFFL in scoring, and Renal Failure has a three-game losing streak against Chris going back to 2009 when La Machine brought an end to Renal Failure epic 9-game winning streak to start that season. That loss has not been avenged yet, and Renal Failure lives for revenge.


Only the best can serve with Renal Failure in our quest for revenge against Chris...

Purple Drank has some good matchups, like Matt Schaub vs. the Steelers, Ray Rice against a New York Jets defense that got embarrassed by Darren McFadden last week, and Michael Turner against the JV team known as the Seahawks. But Renal Failure has the hottest running back in the league in McCoy, no one stops Megatron, the Broncos are going to give more looks to Brandon Lloyd, CJ2K is primed to return to form, and Tony Romo is a fighter whose best receiving option is Jason Witten (and oh look, Witten's on the Renal Roster!). You can never count out your People's (and actual) Champions because we're unpredictable. You can't put us in a box. We transcend boxes.


Maru is the original transcender of boxes...

Yes, if LOBO and Chris win in Week 4, they get to have a battle of the undefeateds in Week 5, but that doesn't seem so interesting. Why is that? Oh wait, because RENAL FAILURE ALREADY DID THAT TWO YEARS AGO VS. CANUCKLEHEAD!

The People are expecting a hard-fought win by their champion Renal Failure, and Renal Failure delivers for the People.

And Renal Failure's quest to have a third Johnson on their team continues...