You think you can have fantasy football without Renal Failure? You think this is a game? Educate yourself, sucka!
So Week 1 didn't go the way your People's Champion Renal Failure expected, losing to the newest addition to the HBFFL RaiderDad and his Delusions of Adequacy in a 102-56 drubbing. Things went horribly wrong for Renal Failure when our stud RB Fred Jackson went down at the beginning of his game with a knee injury (and looks to be out for at least a month). The misery was compounded by everyone else on the Renal starting roster having sub-pars weeks. Or, as Yahoo!'s new and convenient recap report told us:
- Renal Failure was led by Tom Brady with 19 points and the Green Bay Packers Defense who scored 10.
- Of the 8 starters on Renal Failure, 6 underperformed versus their projections.
- Renal Failure would have lost to every other team in the league this week.
- The WRs from Renal Failure scored the fewest points of any team in the league this week, with only 8 points.
RB's with big days = Renal Failure recipe for success for the past 5 seasons. That's how we cook by the book, honkey!
Your People's Champ wears the genius hat for taking Fred Jackson's backup CJ Spiller in the draft as a precaution against exactly what happened in Week One, paying off huge with Spiller's bear-launching 33-point day vs. the Chiefs. And while we chose wrong in benching rookie Trent Richardson (30-points after only getting 3pts last week), BenJarvis Green-Ellis (who had 15pts in Week 1) snared a respectable 10 points in a tough game vs. Cleveland, showing that Renal Failure is running their signature 3-headed RB hydra once again.
Also, our WR's finally woke up with Dwayne Bowe dropping 27 points and DeSean Jackson replacing an injured Greg Jennings for 16 points. And Green Bay's D continued to support us with a 15-point performance (playing into our uncommon strengths of getting big points from our Defense and Kickers).
Tom Brady had a rough time vs. the Cardinals 22pts), but that doesn't bring us any trepidation because we've got RGIII ready to go for future weeks on our deep Renal bench. Brady/RGIII at QB, Spiller/Richardson/Green-Ellis at RB, DeSean Jackson/Greg Jennings/Dwayne Bowe at WR, Jason Witten and Owen Daniels at TE... what team in the HBFFL is deeper than Renal Failure? Who, we ask, who? No, seriously, tell us because we don't feel like looking it up.
Throwing bears into space is so 2010... this year we're punching bears in the face!
Week 3 brings in the 0-2 NoNames from the Great White North, fresh off a beating at the hands of Unfinished Person that could have been surefire win had NoNameDufus started Victor Cruz (30pts) and Reggie Bush (38pts). Remember what Chris C. says - Always start your studs and don't trust Romanians (one of those isn't true).
Renal Failure and NoNames have a history - short as it may be - as RF kept NoNameDufus from last year's playoffs in the last week of the regular season, ruining a strong debut season by the Nonames. And last season Renal Failure won 124.00 - 64.00 in their only game vs. each other, so revenge is in bloom for our Canadian colleague.
Also of historical note: of the four previous HBFFL champions, only last year's Predator Press won scoring less than 1400 points in the regular season (Renal Failure had 1400 on the dot in championship season 2010). And in that 2011 season four other teams scored 1400+ in the regular season, but only one failed to make the playoffs were the NoNames. So if you average 100 points a game in the regular season, you have a 75% chance of making the playoffs and winning it all.
Yahoo! projections as of whenever the hell I last looked at it have this as a pretty even match-up, but now that Renal Failure has their RB situation in hand the Nonames might have to wait until Week 4 for their first win of the season because Renal Failure looks to be just as dangerous as in years past.
Renal Failure is the People's Champion, 2010 HBFFL champion, and 2009 and 2011 HBFFL runner-up. Renal Failure is playing in four fantasy football leagues again because he's too polite to refuse the invites. Renal Failure also won all his Week 2 games by scoring the highest amount of points in all four leagues. That might be a fantasy football first.