Wednesday, October 8, 2008

La Machine Faces Pivotal Game vs. Ramblers

I blame Santana Moss and the Eagles defense for my loss to What the Canuck last week. And Bush. No not Reggie, George W.

If my team had won, my opponent What the Canuck surely would have been crying about how his binky, Trent Edwards got a bump on the noggin resulting in zero quartback points.


So now my season and everything that means anything in my life is riding on the pivotal Week Six match-up with the 4-1 Ramblers. To some it is only a hobby but to me it is the world. If I lose this game I will spend the remaining days of my life in dark solitude drinking myself into a Jack Daniels bottle occasionally coming out to yell at the kids hanging around on my lawn or look out the window every time a car drives by.

Then after years have gone by I will have built up decades of misplaced anger. I will purchase firearms and die in a shootout with the police over being harassed because I just wanted some food...

Chris: There wouldn't be no trouble except for that king shit cop! All I wanted was something to eat. But the man kept pushing Sir.
Trautman: Well you did some pushing on your own Chris.
Chris: They drew first blood, not me.
Trautman: Look Chris, let me come in and get you the hell out of there!
Chris: They drew first blood...