Thursday, October 16, 2008

Five out of four doctors agree...

Renal Failure finds itself in a real Quizibuk (pony points to anyone who gets that reference) this week. Three-fourths of its roster is on a bye week. The last one-fourth is injured. That leaves just a meager one-fourth to pick up the slack that the other four-fourths has left them.

Now the snobbish math lobbyists may raise their elitist voices and try to point out with their raised eyebrows and liberal calculators that the above paragraph is impossible, that I can't have five-fourths of a roster. But what those godless sodomites don't realize is that Renal Failure is the home of Tag Larkin. And Tag Larkin doesn't just give 100% effort, he gives 125%. And another way of displaying 125% is five-fourths. So take that, you numeral-loving terrorists

This might raise their ire of engineers or physics experts or sciencey guys who claim you can't give more than 100%. I say if we listened to people who told us we can't do stuff then we would have never broken the sound barrier, or put a man on the moon, or figured out that you really can jam your entire fist up someone's ass.

So how will Renal Failure do with this theoretically impossible extra one-fourth of its lineup this week? Well, think of it as Death Blossom from one of the greatest movies of all-time, The Last Starfighter. It will either destroy the Canuckleheads in the greatest display of firepower ever, or it will just make the Renal roster self-destruct.

As for the Canuckleheads, what do you do if you fail to take advantage of Renal Failure's precarious and absurd situation?



There's going to be a Duke-tastrophy for someone this week...

6 comments:

Chris C said...

hehe it's like there is some kind of 80's theme when it comes to posts on this blog...

Canucklehead said...

I hate to be contrary, but experts have recently discovered through complex math that the most a human give is 114%. That being said -- if there is a way to lose, I'll find it ...

Matt said...

Interestingly enough, 1/4 of your 125% effort would still only give you 31% of your normal point total.

31% of 76 is 23.5 points. Have fun in the consolation bracket.

renalfailure said...

Come on now. I thought you get 25 points just for fielding a team each week. Like how you used to get a 600 just if you showed up for your SAT exams and then proceeded to fall asleep and not answer a single question.

That would truly be a Duke-tastrophy wrapped up in a Quizibuk.

Chris C said...

"...or figured out that you really can jam your entire fist up someone's ass."

who was the person who first thought of doing that? I don't know but I wouldn't want to shake his hand if I ever meet them.

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