Renal Failure finds itself in a real Quizibuk (pony points to anyone who gets that reference) this week. Three-fourths of its roster is on a bye week. The last one-fourth is injured. That leaves just a meager one-fourth to pick up the slack that the other four-fourths has left them.
Now the snobbish math lobbyists may raise their elitist voices and try to point out with their raised eyebrows and liberal calculators that the above paragraph is impossible, that I can't have five-fourths of a roster. But what those godless sodomites don't realize is that Renal Failure is the home of Tag Larkin. And Tag Larkin doesn't just give 100% effort, he gives 125%. And another way of displaying 125% is five-fourths. So take that, you numeral-loving terrorists
This might raise their ire of engineers or physics experts or sciencey guys who claim you can't give more than 100%. I say if we listened to people who told us we can't do stuff then we would have never broken the sound barrier, or put a man on the moon, or figured out that you really can jam your entire fist up someone's ass.
So how will Renal Failure do with this theoretically impossible extra one-fourth of its lineup this week? Well, think of it as Death Blossom from one of the greatest movies of all-time, The Last Starfighter. It will either destroy the Canuckleheads in the greatest display of firepower ever, or it will just make the Renal roster self-destruct.
As for the Canuckleheads, what do you do if you fail to take advantage of Renal Failure's precarious and absurd situation?
There's going to be a Duke-tastrophy for someone this week...