Gentlemen!

Readers of the HBFFL blog may recall this particular quote from UnfinishedRambler's post last week regarding Renal Failure's quoting of Team Fortress 2 characters:

"If you're going to paraphrase that quote: "Be polite, be efficient..." then you need to be The Sniper, not The Scout, as you put in your earlier post."

And the Rambler had a point... how can someone be both the Scout and the Sniper? You can't... unless you're actually THE SPY!


WILD CARD, BITCHES!

Renal Failure (8-0) has breached the Ramblers defenses... you see what the People's Champion has done to the other teams in the league, and how he stabbed Rambler in the back with that trade in Week 6... and worst of all Renal Failure could be anyone in this room! It could be you. It could be me. Wait, it is me! Oh no! Too late! It's a 117-92 stab-fest victory for Renal Failure and your Toyota Week 8 Biggest Fantasy Football Blowout.

The lesson learned: Never underestimate Renal Failure, or pornography starring your mother will be the second-worst thing that happens to you that particular week.

Hmmm... a 25 point margin of victory... why, that's the same margin of points Stephen Jackson scored over Steve Slaton. This warrants a closer look at the biggest trade ever in the HBFFL. I mean, we've already stuck the knife in. Might as well twist it a few times.

The Ramblers didn't start the other two players they got from Renal Failure this week, though it wouldn't have mattered. WR Jerricho Cotchery and RB Tim Hightower were only 12 points better than Hakeem Nicks and Beanie Wells. And Renal Failure couldn't start the other people they got in the trade because WR Chad Ochocinco was on a bye this week and Derrick Ward had been released for a case of beer. So SJax alone outscored the three players he was traded for 26-13.

But if the trade never happened, Renal Failure likely would have started Slaton and Cotchery (instead of WR Percy Harvin and his 14 point day) and victory would have been in the Ramblers' hands. Furthermore, Rambler would still have Ochocinco for future weeks and the People's Champion would be cursing his lack of depth and production at WR, as well as watching one of his prized running backs being benched for fumbleitis.

So regarding Rambler's role in this deal...


Next on CSI: Mesopotamia...

At this time the Great One would like to thank the Unfinished One for his graciousness and for keeping our undefeated season going... but Rambler is a Yankees fan so we'll hold off on that, for The People's Champion supports the World Fucking Champions.

---Renal Failure is not the president of your fan club.

La Machine Fully Operational

The Googlyeyed Goons were looking to take out the Death Star that is La Machine but unlike the movies fantasy football is real life. The battle was not without it's turning points however.

I had already made a classic meatball with McNabb but to make matters worse her WR, Roddy White caught a late touchdown in Monday night's game.

It was like the Rebel Alliance actually figured out what the hell this guy was saying...


Suddenly it's 65-61...

I'm only ahead by four? With Michael Turner being all runny and stuff? But alas, I had a trick up my sleeve...



Quite operational. The challenge flag was thrown contesting the play and it was ruled not a catch.

Never underestimate the power of the dark side. It will take away a Roddy White touchdown and seven fantasy points quicker then you can say spygate.

Final score: 72-58. 5-3 and #2 overall.

Now some of you will wonder how the hell am I in second place. Well besides the awesomeness of my roster coupled with some astute free agent pickups the reason is simple: I am secretly a Sith Lord.

Along with the usual things like having a Death Star, a never-ending supply of infantry and weapons, and a really cool choking move (which does come in handy at the DMV by the way), the dark side of the force allows me to influence the outcomes of fantasy football matchups.

Of course I don't do it all the time. That would be boring.

2009 HBFFL MVP Week Eight

Aaron Rodgers wins his second HBFFL MVP award of the 2009 season this week. With a crappy offensive line no less.

1. Aaron Rodgers 37
The Ramblers

2. Brett Favre 36
Bald Spots

3. Maurice Jones-Drew 34
Renal Failure

(Points are based on the following system: Passing-1 pt/20 yds, 6 pt TD, 5 point 300+ yds; Receiving/Rushing- 1pt/10 yds, 6pt TD, 5 point bonus 100+ yds; 2Pt Conversion 2 pts; Sacks 1pt, Int/Fumb 2 pts; Def/ST TD 6 pts; Safety 2 pts; Block Kick 2 pts; FG 3 pts, 1 point bonus 50+ yds; PAT 1 pt)

2009 HBFFL Week Eight Results and Standings

Results



Standings

NH Fantasy Football Record Meatball

Here in New Hampshire the new world record for the biggest meatball was set Sunday at 222.5 pounds. Mama Mia that's a spicy meatball.



I also had my own fantasy football version of a meatball record this weekend. (Meatball as in the secondary meaning which is doing something stupid.)

And I live in New Hampshire as well. Small world.

So what stupid thing did I do? I sat Donovan McNabb in favor of Kyle Orton at the last minute.

Arrgggghhh!!!

McNabb had 240 yards and 3 TD's. Orton had 152 yards, 0 TD's.

Yes, it is that big a deal that I had to use three exclamation points.

So what the hell was I thinking? I have no idea. My alarm clock went off at noon Sunday and the inspiration to set my fantasy team up for failure against Paula's starting lineup, with her QB and one WR on byes played like a broken record in my head. "Start Orton" my mind said over and over, like the raven repeating "Nevermore".

What happened? Paula jinxed me.

Her only way to try and beat me was to call upon the dark arts and infest my mind with visions of Kyle Orton scoring three touchdowns and racking up 300 yards passing. And it worked but I will not be fooled again.

I'm up by nine going into the Atl/NO MNF game tonight. I have Turner she has Roddy White and you can be sure I'll be looking out for her black magic.