Don't Cry For Me Argentina -You Are Making Us All Look Like Whiny Bitches

FEEL the agony.
Seriously.
Feel it.

Predator Press

[LOBO]

Many immolated themselves. Many jumped from tall buildings. Many immolated themselves, then jumped from tall buildings.

-LOBO was ultimately defeated in 2013.

I would first like to take a magnanimous, sportsmanly moment to congratulate the Future Ex-Cons' stinky-faced poo-poo head manager KAHN (if in fact that is his real name). And now that I've got that over with, I want to attach my lengthy list of people that should be blamed for this utter travesty:


#1) Adrian Peterson

In fantasy sports, “Never Sit Your Superstars” is a general rule. Especially when they are injured, listed as “Questionable,” facing the team yielding the least amount of points to running backs in the entire NFL, and in a fairly inconsequential game.

Do you have some kind of problem with rules, Mister Peterson? And what kind of name is “Adrian” anyway? Is that French?

#2) Pope Francis

Tied up with busywork like “World Peace,” and “Poverty” and crap, Pope Francis never once answered my calls.

-In fact every time I called the Vatican, all they did was mock me, babbling in some incomprehensible foreign language they totally made up.


#3) Al Gore

For creating the Internet: a media substrate that made me look like a fantasy football fumbledork asshat in front of all Humankind and Renal Failure last week.


#4) Rebecca Black




Instead of poring over football statistics, I probably listened to this song waaaaaay too much.

-If she weren't the 21st Century version of the Beatles, I would probably be inconsolable right now.


#5) Unfinished Rambler

Who I owe a really nice trade, and dropped out of The League this year -thus bringing me incalculable Bad Karma.

(I'm "on" to your plan, Bryan.)

#6) Hurricane Katrina

I don't know how KAHN got President George W. Bush Junior on his side, but I am demanding a full investigation of their relationship.

***

This list could go on and on and on and on and on, but it's really hard to type or say the word "on" with a revolver in your mouth.  Plus I need to start mock drafting for next year.  So in closing, I am thinking about putting a podcast studio together, possibly replete with a streaming recordable Skype function.

-Anyone interested in doing live trash talk in 2014?