Thursday, December 12, 2013

Week 15: Playoffs? Don't talk about - oh, okay go ahead, it's cool

by Renal Failure

What do Chun Li and everyone else who didn't make the playoffs have in common...

The HBFFL regular season is over and your playoffs are set.  Your number four seed is RaiderDad's Delusion of Adequacy by way of their Week 14 victory over Purple Drank, coupled with Bourbon Blaster's loss to Predator Press. Joe can take solace that even if he had won vs. PredPress he still wouldn't have made the playoffs, which means he will not be haunted by his odd decision to start Lamar Miller instead of Ryan Mathews.

So congratulations to Delusion for making the playoffs for the second straight year, along with Future Ex-Cons - your number one seed in the HBFFL championship brackets at 11-3.  PredPress's victory over the Blasters earned them a 10-4 record, good for 2nd place. Their 1423 points scored gave them the tie-breaker over 10-4 Renal Failure, giving the People's Champ the coveted 3-seed which has spawned the most champions in HBFFL history.

Time to do some playoff previews...

Playoffs are a lot of fun until something suddenly goes wrong. Then your anus starts bleeding...

Future Ex-Cons vs. Delusion of Adequacy
Yahoo! does not like RaiderDad's chances, giving Ex-Cons a 103-87 initial projected edge in this matchup.  Peyton Manning is projected for 33 points vs. San Diego and that seems a right considering he's coming off back-to-back 40+ point games and San Diego's not a strong defensive team.  Delusion's WR Josh Gordon is projected for 12 vs. Chicago, but that seems ridiculously low considering Gordon has racked up games of 25, 34, 45, and 31 over the past four weeks since coming off the bye week. 

Eric Decker's probably going to have a big day now that Wes Welker is out.  If Frank Gore and Marshawn Lynch perform as projected, there's not going to be much Delusion can do.  Is RaiderDad really to put his faith in Matt Ryan throwing a bear into deep space?  Well, maybe... he is playing the Redskins.  Combined with a big Matt Forte day or Giovani Bernard catching fire, there's a chance Delusion could play the spoiler.  A slim chance, mind you, because Yahoo! says Ex-Cons has a 66% chance of winning this week. But hey, RaiderDad's riding a three-game winning streak into the playoffs - and over the last four he's averaged almost 110 points a game - so beware those hot teams!

Nothing rips your guts out harder than being a big favorite in the playoffs and choking...

Predator Press vs. Renal Failure
Predator Press gets a wink and a nod and a handy under the table from Yahoo! prognosticators, bestowing a projected 101-94 victory over your People's Champion Renal Failure in Week 15.  LOBO is riding the Nick Foles train as hard as he can, and there's no signs of it stopping like that one week when vs. Dallas when he forgot how to play QB.  Touchdowns are plentiful in Chicago for Brandon Marshall and Alshon Jeffery to pluck. Julius Thomas should pull down some big Peyton Manning passes this week vs. the Chargers.

Inez Sainz, we pray to you and your tight
jeans so that we may be victorious
in our crusade for a 2nd HBFFL title!
But LOBO's RB situation has become murky. Adrian Petersen is down, and Eddie Lacy might not be able to go for the Packers. Does he trust Chris Johnson - Mr. CJ2K - with the rock when Shonn Green's been taking away valuable touches on a Titans squad that is facing a tough Arizona defense?

Renal Failure has their own problems.  Welker is out with a concussion, and WR is not our strong point regarding bench depth. Considering the matchup with the Redskins, we're putting our faith in the Falcons' Harry Douglas.  He's struggled the last few weeks since lighting up the Buccaneers in Week 11, so we're hoping he's due for some big numbers.  Yeah... not looking good there.  Might need Jason Witten to really step it up vs. the Pack (even though the Cowboys suck in December - yes I said "suck" ESPN! What'cha gonna do about it?).

Our Lady of Tight Denim Victory -
grant us our vengeance over LOBO!

But your People's Champ still has Knowshon Moreno and LeSean McCoy at RB, the highest scoring RB tandem in the HBFFL.  McCoy put up a bear-thrown-out-of-the-Milky-Way 42 points in 8-inches of snow in Week 14.  Hey Chip Kelly, give this man the ball! Shady McCoy wins games! Remember it, repeat it, do it!

It might come down to unorthodox scoring for Renal Failure to pull this out. RF does have the 2nd highest scoring kicker in the HBFFL in Matt Prater, and Arizona is the 3rd highest scoring Defense in the league too.  It's a stretch, but we've won with crazy shit like this before. That's why we're also known as The Wild Card (bitches!).  Then again, LOBO's kicker and defense combo (Justin Tucker and Carolina) are projected for 19 points while ours is only projected for 17.

All right, trends!  We can look at previous playoff games.  RF and PP have faced off twice before in the playoffs, splitting their games. However, in each game, the projected underdog has emerged victorious!  So yeah!  Finally, we got something going for us!

We don't know how but goddamn it LOBO is not going three straight years without losing to the People's Champion!

No matter if you make it to the championship game or you get knocked out in the first round, our HBFFL playoff teams can take solace that they are not the NoNames this season.  But hey Nonamedufus, at least you finished 9th above Gerrog even though you lost the last 10 games straight! Um... it gets better?

Renal Failure is the 2010 HBFFL champion and is tied for 2nd most-regular season wins in HBFFL history (51 - tied with Predator Press) and is tied for 1st with most career playoff wins (4 - tied with Chris's Purple Drank/La Machine teams).


Michael Wolfe said...

Damn these injuries!

It's pretty dicey for the Preds at this point ... our locker room looks like a Wes Craven movie.

Anonymous said...

I was in New Orleans from Friday through Tuesday of that week. I started Lamar Miller because Thomas was supposed to be out. I wish that was my worst decision that week giving that my hotel was on Bourbon Street.