It's scary how good Renal Failure's doing this year...
Yes, your People's Champion has been preoccupied with the business of the People for much of the 2013 HBFFL season and has not had time for our usual weekly reviews and previews. But we have carved out some quality time to thoroughly review the 1st half of our 2013 season for the amusement of - well, ourselves.
The 2013 season did not get off to a good start for Renal Failure, as we went 0-2 in two tough games against Predator Press (Colin Kaepernick's only awesome game of the season) and Delusion of Adequacy (a close 104-102 loss). It started looking like we'd muddle through 2013 like we did in 2012 when we went 5-8-1. But as any follower of the HBFFL knows, you can never count out the People's Champion... because we're also known as The Wild Card, bitches!
Renal Failure... sneaking up on your ass since 2008!
BOOM! Five-game winning streak! Call it a team finally cohering together, or call it Renal Failure running through the teams at the bottom of the standings who can't put up points (teams have scored a absoludicrously league-low 538 points against Renal Failure. The 2nd-lowest total belongs to 1st place Future Ex-Cons at 628), but you have to call it the longest winning streak so far this year in the HBFFL.
|Time to go to work - Renal Failure style!|
It all started with a 103-71 Week Three victory over Kerridan's Okay Team, continued in Week Four with a 116-72 romp over Bald Spots, rolled along in Week Five with a 91-65 over Gerrog's Ninjas (only because Gerrog left Tony Romo's 52 points on the bench), and then laid the smackdown on Purple Drank 128-71 in Week Six for our biggest margin of victory this year. Okay Team, Spots, Ninjas, and Drank were a combined 7-17 going into Week Seven.
And Week Seven is where things got very weird... and devious. Prior to the Week 7 games, Renal Failure completed a trade with their opponent that week, the Bourbon Blasters. A Miami swap, as it were, with us sending RB Lamar Miller to the Blasters for burgeoning TE Charles Clay.
Joe obviously thought he was getting something really good in this deal because he plugged Miller directly into his starting lineup, maybe as a much-needed spark to the offense with his cherished Drew Brees on a bye week (though Joe picked up QB Nick Foles who had a monster game in Week Six vs. Tampa Bay and was sure to light up a weak Cowboys defense). Did Joe outsmart the devious Renal Failure on this exchange?
Renal Failure isn't trapped in this league with you, you're trapped in this league with Renal Failure!
There's a reason Renal Failure is known as the goddamn devil when it comes to trades...
First, knowing that prized RB DeMarco Murray was out with an injury for the Blasters, Renal Failure used his high waiver ranking to snatch up Dallas backup RB Joseph Randle off the wire. Your People's Champ is all about running back depth, and considering how porous the Eagles defense is against everything it was a prudent preventive pickup with Joe needing RB help. With that in mind, we traded Miller for Clay so Joe could get the RB he needed and we could shore up our TE depth. Unfortunately for Joe, Miller only scored 4 points in Week Seven while the benched Ryan Mathews put up 22 and Stevan Ridley put up 11.
|Our Lady of Tight Denim Victory has our back!|
But this wasn't a good week for the People's Champ either. Cam Newton had a team high 16 points and Jordy Nelson was the only other starter to breach the double-digit mark (10pts). Foles' shit day trickled down to Shady McCoy (7pts). Foster managed a single point before leaving the game. If not for the 9-point days from WR Wes Welker and K Matt Prater, things would have been a lot less comfortable for us in that Sunday night Indy/Denver game.
If we can take the time to Tuesday Morning Quarterback the Blasters - and we will - if Joe had picked up Geno Smith or Marc Glennon off waivers as his QB instead of Foles, and if he had started Ryan Mathews like he would have had he not acquired Lamar Smith, he'd be the one standing over the ruins of the People's winning streak.
But he didn't, and Renal Failure was victorious with an Arena League-looking 64-38 score, and the People's winning streak lives on - five games strong.
Have you seen our RB depth? WE ARE THE DANGER!!!
So what does the second half of the season hold for Renal Failure - aside from continuing to throw out trade proposals to pretty much every team after we've had a few pitchers of Tom Collinses and a shaker of formaldehyde?
|Your Mom wasn't even a Snickers Super Sleeper pick!|
Schedule-wise, things look to be in the People's favor. 3-4 NoNames come into Week Eight with no consistent running game. First-place 6-1 Future Ex-Cons won't have chronic-bear-into-orbit chucker Peyton Manning, Frank Gore, or Eric Decker in Week Nine. After that it's revenge games against PredPress and Delusion (which Renal Failure traditionally does well in) then we grind out the bottom of the standings again vs. Okay Team, Bald Spots, and Ninjas. A 4-3 run gets Renal Failure to the magic 9-win mark that makes a playoff berth likely. Going 5-2 or 6-1 all but guarantees post-season action. 7-0 means shit has gone crazy because we'd have a 10-game winning streak going into the playoffs.
The 2nd half begins now... see you after the collapse in seven weeks.
Renal Failure was the 2010 HBFFL and FTWL champion, and the runner-up in 2009 and 2011. We invented the fantasy football term "throw a bear into outer space" to describe a player's abnormally-high point performance.